Expect A Miracle

My New Website I just made..Holy Shit! It was FREE!

2011-03-21T16:31:00.000-07:00

http://Susanwind.vpweb.com

New Home Based Biz..I made card!.

2011-03-18T05:15:00.000-07:00

Today, tomorrow, and sunday all spring-summer!

2011-03-18T05:12:00.001-07:00

Got to sing jazz with Frank hase and play keyboard..what a great night with also, percussion and ppl said i was gonna be a star?Who me?Yes me..finally

2011-03-17T21:48:00.000-07:00

I had no money for food so i ate someones doggie bag right now..I was a starving musician but wait and see I wont be starving for long...Love Sue-zen and my friend Eric Imiss so much but he won't call me and come visit and i hope he comes to see the barn sale and be my best friend again sober....Me

Mother of the Sky March 17, 2011

2011-03-17T11:04:00.000-07:00

The Miracle Happened!!!!

2011-01-31T08:21:00.000-08:00

It took me awhile to heal myself but the power came from my mind and the power was there all along but I had to reach my own road by myself until I realized I was making myself sick and now I am well.....Namaste

Love.....

2009-04-19T15:23:00.001-07:00

2009-02-16T18:19:00.000-08:00

Religion is the placebo of the masses not the opiate....Dr. House M.D.

We Can Always Hope

2008-12-18T11:18:00.000-08:00

Foreword

2008-11-30T18:19:00.000-08:00

We, of Alcoholics Anonymous, are more than one hundred men and women who have recovered from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body. To show other alcoholics precisely how we have recovered is the main purpose of this book. For them, we hope these pages will prove so convincing that no further authentication will be necessary. We think this account of our experiences will help everyone to better understand the alcoholic. Many do not comprehend that the alcoholic is a very sick person. And besides, we are sure that our way of living has its advantages for all.

2008-11-28T12:50:00.000-08:00

from: "Stars Don’t Fall"

AA taught me how not to drink. And also, on the twenty-four hour plan, it taught me how to live. I know I do not have to be “queen of them all” to salve a frightened ego. Through going to meetings and listening, and occasionally speaking, through doing Twelve Step work, whereby in helping others you are both the teacher and the student, by making many wonderful AA friends, I have been taught all the things in life that are worth having. I am no longer interested in living in a palace, because palace living was not the answer for me. Nor were those impossible dreams I used to have the things I really wanted.

One of the greatest secrets of life is having both patience & wisdom...

2008-11-28T12:45:00.000-08:00

Mistakes Are How We Learn

2008-11-27T19:37:00.001-08:00

I Am Thankful

2008-11-27T11:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T16:34:00.000-08:00

Nothing Like A Man In Work Boots....

2008-11-23T08:47:00.000-08:00

In Memory Of My Good Old Friend Dean Rippon Who Passed This Morning

2008-11-18T13:21:00.000-08:00

Forget Rednecks ... here is what Jeff Foxworthy has
to say about Vermonters...

If someone in a Home Depot store offers you
assistance and they don't work there, you live in
Vermont .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same
time, you live in Vermont .

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation
with someone who dialed a wrong number, you live in Vermont .

If "Vacation" means going anywhere south of
Burlington for the weekend, you live in Vermont .

If you measure distance in hours, you live in
Vermont .

If you know several people who have hit a deer more
than once, you live in Vermont .

If you have switched from "heat" to
"A/C" in the same day and back again, you live in
Vermont

If you can drive 75 mph through 2 feet of snow during
a raging blizzard without flinching, you live in Vermont .

If you install security lights on your house and
garage, but leave both unlocked, you live in Vermont .

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife
knows how to use them, you live in Vermont .

If you design your kid's Halloween costume to fit
over a snowsuit, you live in Vermont .

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph,
you're going 80, and everybody is passing you, you live
in Vermont .

If driving is better in the winter because the
potholes are filled with snow, you live in Vermont .

If you know all four seasons: almost winter, winter,
still winter, and road construction, you live in Vermont .

If you have more miles on your snow blower than your
car, you live in Vermont .

If you find 10 degrees "a little chilly,"
you live in Vermont .

If you actually understand these jokes, and forward
them to all your Vermont friends, you live in Vermont .
Dean loved his Dog Shego, his chipmunks.loving in the moment, love to him was trust. honesty and respect. He was a navy seal who wrestled Alligators in fla.His wife swam the English channnel. They were divorced. He spoke VERY LOUD and had a prosphate problem so he stunk of urine. He chopped his own wood and built his own home. He had a waterfall in his bedroom window and a hot tub inside and outside he built. He was a gemologist.

He lived without booze and recently yold me he could not eat. I did not listen. He was trying to tell me he was getting the cancer back. The cancer that took him. I miss him already. He loved my best friend Carol.

2008-11-16T09:35:00.000-08:00

2008-11-16T09:33:00.000-08:00

Molestation

2008-11-13T12:40:00.000-08:00

I was molested by my dad but also by my best girl friend. I was only about 10.
Her mother was my mothers best friend. I remember the shame of it. Things are surfacing lately.
Sue-zen

2008-11-12T11:43:00.000-08:00

from: "The Perpetual Quest"

Many years later, although alcohol is not part of my life and I no longer have the compulsion to drink, it can still occur to me what a good drink tastes like and what it can do for me, from my stand-at-attention alcoholic taste buds right down to my stretched out tingling toes. As my sponsor used to point out, such thoughts are like red flags, telling me that something is not right, that I am stretched beyond my sober limit. It's time to get back to basic AA and see what needs changing. That special relationship with alcohol will always be there, waiting to seduce me again. I can stay protected by continuing to be an active member of AA.

Over Sixty?

2008-11-04T11:41:00.000-08:00

Perks of reaching 50 or being over 60 and heading towards 70!

01.. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03.. No one expects you to run--anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask, did I wake you?
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won't wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 4 pm. (if you got to the Golden Corral before 4 pm, (you can get it much cheaper)... Senior Priced...
09. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
10. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
11. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
12. You sing along with elevator music.
13. Your eyes won't get much worse.
14. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
15. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
16. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
17. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
18. You can't remember who sent you this list.And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

I can't respond to any emails today........

2008-11-04T11:30:00.001-08:00

Something has crashed on my computer and the mouse is missing......

My Scope Finally A Good One

2008-11-03T15:59:00.000-08:00

You're not going to be prepared for the depth of the feelings that will wash over you -- but neither will the lucky person who inspires them. Lest you worry that's a bad thing, keep in mind that intensity is absolutely necessary to commitment. And you are ready, aren't you?
Restraining yourself may be tough, but it will definitely be easier than the apologies you'll need to make if you let it fly. Hold your breath, if need be.

Finnegan The Squirrel

2008-10-31T10:48:00.000-07:00

If Only We Could All Get Along Like This!

Inner Peas

2008-10-30T08:27:00.000-07:00

CALMNESS IN OUR LIVES
I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives. By following simple advice heard on the Dr .Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, 'The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished.' So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now. Pass this on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.

Happy Halloween

2008-10-28T09:50:00.001-07:00

Just Around The Corner

2008-10-22T16:07:00.000-07:00

All the halloween lights are up and twinkling, the goblins and skeletons are out to celebrate this Halloween. I'm not buying candy or I'll eat it. I live on a main road so kids don't come here.

This Morning's Fresh Snowfall

2008-10-22T16:04:00.000-07:00

I'm on the fence about this one. It was really pretty but raw cold and wetness. I'm not ready for winter yet are you?
Zen

Yikes

2008-10-21T13:32:00.000-07:00

Suzawanda Relationship Chemistry Test Results

Self-Confidence
As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily. Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.

Family Orientation
As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don’t have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood. You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants. What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.

Self-Control
The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate. As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level. Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.

Openness
As someone high in openness, you have a strong appreciation for beauty, both in art and nature. Indeed, it’s likely that you are easily absorbed in music and art, as well as natural phenomena. Another aspect of your openness is your emotional insight; that is, you probably have good access to and awareness of your own emotions. Another aspect of the openness dimension is the tendency to think about abstract concepts and ideas. This thinking style may take the form of artistic and metaphorical use of language, and/or music composition or performance. Thus, it is likely that, either in your work or spare time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing. Your tendency to be open-minded can have advantages and disadvantages. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easier for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. In contrast, you may be bored easily in situations that lack high amounts of intellectual stimulation. In such cases, you might have difficulty excelling on projects that do not provide much stimulation or require much creative thinking.

Easygoingness
Easygoingness refers to one's ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to “take things as they come” and enjoy having a good time. However, being high in easygoingness also has the potential to produce stress in a number of ways. For example, you may find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently. In this way, being high in easygoingness cannot only make your life difficult, but also the lives of the people around you. Another potential problem with being too high in easygoingness is that it can provide you with gratification in the short-term, but in the long-term provide undesirable consequences. High easygoingness, even when not seriously destructive, may also diminish your effectiveness at work, for example. You may find it aversive and difficult to put in all the effort that may sometimes be needed to effectively accomplish certain tasks. For this reason, your colleagues might view you as forgetful and unfocused.

How does your personality affect your love life?
With the strong degree of self-confidence that you possess, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner. Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it’s likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life. Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family. On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club. As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you likely get along with most people quite well. Chances are that your friends and colleagues perceive you as lively, fun to be with, and good-humored. When it comes to romance, you’ll likely be attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling. Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people that cannot appreciate diversity as much as you. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share your open-mindedness. But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique.

2008-10-21T13:26:00.000-07:00

I'm In Here, Come Find Me

An Open Heart

2008-10-18T14:26:00.000-07:00

An open heart feels pain and loss as well as love and joy, An open heart feels all it needs to feel.
Otherwise, it closes again.

o

2008-10-18T14:20:00.000-07:00

Be Present each moment and choose joy!

Love

2008-10-18T14:01:00.000-07:00

Why should people bother to love if all they're going to get is a broken heart?
Because Love is what we do best

Missing Things

2008-10-18T13:44:00.000-07:00

I miss who I used to be

Hearts

2008-10-18T13:18:00.000-07:00

When our is heart is broken, we can't hear it. And when we can't hear our heart we can't hear God. All we can hear is our pain. Some people say that pain is the gatekeeper to paradise. How do you get through it?Very slowly. You can be flung into a dark, black sea of grief and despair as vast as the ocean. Look to the runes. They just may have your answer.

Loving

2008-10-18T13:17:00.000-07:00

It takes courage to love

2008-10-16T17:46:00.001-07:00

The Broken Hearted Are The Walking Dead

Shyness

2008-10-13T12:03:00.000-07:00

I'm no stranger to awkward silences--I know them, dread them, hate them--but I'm not accustomed to being the one charged with filling them and sometimes I am. And filling silence--whether by making idle chatter or truly connecting--takes effort.

2008-10-13T11:39:00.000-07:00

Interpretation is the gateway to confusion

2008-10-06T16:43:00.000-07:00

Wait Until Someone That Excites You Comes

Joined Plenty Of Fish Todau

2008-10-04T20:42:00.001-07:00

Listened to REM on Austin City Limits tonite. Never heard them. They were just OK.

My Scope

2008-10-04T17:56:00.000-07:00

You're loved, you're respected and you're absolutely sure it's going to last forever. Couldn't get much better, right? Especially since it's all true. Couldn'r get much better.

Just Watch It!!

2008-10-04T14:58:00.000-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Euu_DMhsXQo

Mergers Of Note

2008-10-04T14:43:00.000-07:00

Watch for these Consolidations in 2008.

1.) Hale Business Systems, Mary Kay Cosmetics, Fuller Brush, and W. R.Grace Co. will merge and become: Hale, Mary, Fuller, Grace.
2.) PolyGram Records, Warner Bros., and Zesta Crackers join forces and become: Poly, Warner Cracker.
3.) 3M will merge with Goodyear and become: MMMGood
4. Zippo Manufacturing, Audi Motors, Dofasco, and Dakota Mining will mergeand become: & amp; amp; nbsp; ZipAudiDoDa ..5.
FedEx is expected to join its competitor, UPS, and become: FedUP.
6. Fairchild Electronics and Honeywell Computers will become:Fairwell Honeychild.
7. Grey Poupon and Docker Pants are expected to become:PouponPants.
8. Knotts Berry Farm and the National Organization of Women will become: Knott NOW!
And finally
.9. Victoria 's Secret and Smith & Wesson will merge under the new name:TittyTittyBang Bang

Dogs Halloween

2008-10-04T14:19:00.001-07:00

Get This Thing Off-of-Me!!!!

Chilly Day

2008-10-04T13:50:00.000-07:00

Slept like a ROCK last night. Chilly day for raking leaves. Did a bit but will wait for a sunny day up and coming. The house is warm as toast and I managed to grow a few pot leaves so I imbibed. Had a burger n having a cocktail to take the edge off. Went out the other night to see a band and managed to hit the passenger window on a cement wall so I have to get one at the junkyard. Suzy plus vodka equal dead car part. Friends want me to go to AA so does my therapist but I'm not ready. I enjoy my two drinks before dinner. I miss my crabby friend Eric who now has a live-in girlfriend which he says is OK 92% of the time but he misses his alone time. I would. I have a roommate 24.7 so I know what he means. He has no car either so I always have to drive. The weight is not coming off as the cold air has brought with it an appetite. Snow shoeing won't be til January-ish. I had a man interested in buying my home straight through me as 2nd home. He is from CT. I said $159,500. If he wants it bad enough w/the low taxes of 1300 he should make a move. He may stop in when he is in the area. I could move to AZ for the winter. I would like that.

My family is ever busy so I don't hear much from them. Sometimes I don't feel like I HAVE a family as I dont see them very often and my closest niece is in Seattle. My brother is a food-work-a-holic so calling him is a joke. I got so tired of the I'm busy I'm w/clients line that I just stopped calling. My niece Amy is a bit of a jockette and I definately can't relate to that part of her life. I inferred we meet so I could see the kids but I still haven't heard. Deaf ears. I am reading a lot and have a good new book I bought and many others. I'm a fat cat of 200 lbs now so I guess I better learn how not to be attractive to men. I've been here before. Fat. I could have a boyfriend Michael but I just don't think I'm good enough yet. I'm still Chuck singed.

Have a wonderful sunday.

Love Sue-zen

Searching For The Positives

2008-10-03T09:36:00.000-07:00

from: "Changing Beliefs"

Slowly and painfully, I became aware of myself. I began to see it wasn’t true that I didn’t believe in anything. Rather, I had believed in the wrong things:
I had believed I needed a drink for confidence.
I had believed I was unattractive.
I had believed I was unworthy.
I had believed no one loved me.
I had believed I never had a break.

Someone said at a closed meeting, “There is good in all of us. Seek it out, nurture it, tend it, and it will flourish.” So I began searching for the positives within me. I realized that my feeling of inferiority was just one aspect of ego, and the arrogance I projected was the other. I must find the center median. So I tried to act as if:
AA was giving me confidence.
I had an attractive personality, even though I was not beautiful.
I was worthy, like all others.
I loved myself and could therefore love others.
Faith was freeing me from the fear that had always gripped me.

© 1973, AAWS, Inc., Came to Believe…, pages 103-104

Anti-abuse Medication for Women

2008-09-30T12:39:00.000-07:00

You've all heard about antibuse med for stopping drink cravings. Well, we know that the number of women in physically or emotionally abusive relationships has reached epidemic proportions in this country. As things now stand, however, there are few truly effective solutions to the problem, and most of those seem to be the stuff of self help books, preachy tomes that are geared toward women and their "alleged problems with self-esteem. This is problematic on two counts. First, it puts the burden of dealing with abusive relationships on the shoulders of women, implying in turn that if they are being mis-treated, then it is somehow their fault.
Second, the self-help approach appears to ignore any possibility that this syndrome could have physiological roots. Some women, after all, seem to have an almost biological need to be mistreated. They flock instinctively to men who manipulate and criticize them, cut them down, and otherwise ensure that their already low self-esteem remains at best marginal. Perhaps, like people who suffer from depression or anxiety, they could take a pill.
Anti-abuse meds would operate under the same principles as Antabuse, the highly effective drug that makes alcoholics violently ill at the first sip of a drink. So, when a man in your life starts taking you for granted, criticizing you in public, or otherwise hacking away at your sense of self, you'd simply pop a pill and lurch into a fit of vomiting, three or four bouts of this and it seems safe to say, your attraction to abusive males would begin to abate, thereby freeing you to pursue happier, healthier romantic partners.
Science could take this one step further by making a pill that incurred projectile vomiting. This would teach abusive men a thing or two.

Little Pieces

2008-09-25T18:27:00.000-07:00

When in a relationship you shave little pieces of yourself away to make you fit together until you dont even know who you are any more

Alcohol

2008-09-19T12:04:00.000-07:00

Alcohol is such a puzzle. When you are deep into it, it feels like the only solution, the glue that is holding you together. In fact, it is the basis of the problem, the glue that is keeping your feet stuck to the floor. The truth is so hard yet simple to see.

I Love You

2008-09-18T08:45:00.001-07:00

2008-09-08T20:10:00.000-07:00

Do We Need Drama To Make A Relationship Work?
Butterflies. I'm Serious. Reflecting on how the nice guys are so boring. No challenge--no chase. Just a poll. After the first 3-4 mos come the laundry and skidmarks, forgotten promises and thoses little things that become enormous. Like an elephant in the middle of the room. Unshowered man unbrushed teeth. Tuna in beard-ik. Do I want to kiss a tuna? NO! Feh, what do I know? My heart got smashed 2 yrs ago and I'm celibate and phobic about dating. I'm physically falling apart and hooked on benzos(doctor prescribed). The dentist wants to make me a lower denture and I said NO! I'm not going this fast. Maybe I am. But I'll fight it. Like the depression. I had a dream last night that I was holding Chucks face in my hands and caressing his hair and telling him how gorgeous he was. I woke up suddenly and he was gonzo. Shabatt. Shook me all day. I still love him. Can't you tell. Well another TV night and sleep and a rainy day to come for reading on the couch. Sweet dreams. Comments appreciated.

Waiting For A Chain Email To Work

2008-09-01T14:15:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry...

2008-08-31T11:06:00.001-07:00

I'm sorry that I have not written but I have been in the hospital for depression for 3 weeks.
Because I went to the hospital w/my meds my doctor can no longer prescibe the amount of Klonopin he had me on and I have an appt w/him this week. Needless to say I will not be sleeping for a long while. I havent lost the weight and I am at 200. Ever since my heart got broken 2 yrs ago I havent been the same. I have also lost contact w/my friend Eric and that is a big bummer. We just drank too much together and clashed. Sometimes we didnt but for the most part we did. The weather is beautiful out and I just took a short hike. Now to read a book.
My eyes are real bad so I dont knoew if I can. I'll try.
Love Always
Sunami

Redneck Calamari

2008-05-23T06:58:00.001-07:00

Girlfriends

2008-05-22T16:01:00.001-07:00

2008-05-22T16:00:00.000-07:00

2008-05-21T06:38:00.001-07:00

ZEN is doing one thing at a time.

Thank You Scope

2008-05-21T06:10:00.000-07:00

Your Horoscope for MAY 21, 2008
If your lifestyle is considerably different than others, resist feeling self-conscience about this today, Suzy. Try to remember that you chose the life you have for specific reasons. Even if you've come to a point where you are considering a change, there is no need to feel badly, ashamed, or embarrassed about where you're at now. Everyone has to make their own way, and if this conforms to the norm, that's fine. If it doesn't, that's fine too.

10 Days Sober

2008-05-20T09:28:00.000-07:00

STEP FIVE: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
"More realism and therefore more honesty about ourselves are the great gains we make under the influence of Step Five. As we took inventory, we began to suspect how much trouble self-delusion had been causing us. This had brought a disturbing reflection. If all our lives we had more or less fooled ourselves, how could we now be so sure that we weren’t still self-deceived? How could we be certain that we had made a true catalog of our defects and had really admitted them, even to ourselves? Because we were still bothered by fear, self-pity, and hurt feelings, it was probable we couldn’t appraise ourselves fairly at all. Too much guilt and remorse might cause us to dramatize and exaggerate our shortcomings. Or anger and hurt pride might be the smoke screen under which we were hiding some of our defects while we blamed others for them. Possibly, too, we were still handicapped by many liabilities, great and small, we never knew we had.
"Hence it was most evident that a solitary self-appraisal, and the admission of our defects based upon that alone, wouldn’t be nearly enough. We’d have to have outside help if we were surely to know and admit the truth about ourselves—the help of God and another human being."

Wasup...............

2008-05-16T18:44:00.000-07:00

Nothing much lately, the veggies are on the porch growing waiting to be planted, the lawn is mowed, primrose, tulips and daffodils are up, I fight with my belly over coffee in am, didnt sleep well last night.....coffee?? excitement?? visit by a friend who BLEW in and out, she had gone to hear music I would have loved but went alone me thinking she wanted to see if her EX was there. The sun is shining and it was supposed to rain. Was going to work on the attic. Is it too early to plant? They say so. Someone is burning something outside. Leaves. Brush. It smells bad the smoke in the air. Maybe the neighbor is burning trash. I'm alive and feel pretty okay. I meet with an owner in the afternoon. Bike is back from the shop. Might be the day to try it out.
We shall see. I lost a goood friend but he is too yo-yo. He drinks alot and when together I do too.
I have quit its been about a week. I feel much better.
Sunami

Conundrum

2008-05-01T14:54:00.000-07:00

I'm in a conundrum of sorts. I have a health condition that despises coffee and alcohol. I am addicted to both. I know if I loved myself enough I would stop both but I don't. I am drooling ffom medication as well. Tommorrow I have the wax removed from my ears by my doc. What do I tell him? My miserable truth? I'm an addict. I can't stop. He's never going to want to hear that.
I only have 2 3 shot drinks a night but its enough to cause GERD. The coffee I have to stop in the am. The sedating meds I am on also cause GERD. Anything sedating. My knees blew up this am after I tried increasing my zyprexa. I just rub them and I can taste it. It moves to the sinus.
I'm very depressed lately and today did not even take off my PJS or shower. I used to shower twice a day! How do I go back to where I was? I just don't know. How to retrace my steps after being so ill to having joy. I have a friend who is ill and lost her joy that calls every two days. I don't know what to tell her. GERD can't have chokky, caffeine and booze plus fatty foods and onion. There is more. But these are the things that get me. I will try subbing chamo tea for coffee in the ayem. The booze I don't know if I can stop.
Sunami

My Good Friend Eric Made The Headlines

2008-04-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

2008-04-25T07:01:00.000-07:00

From "'Use Me'":

"The voice that answered was calm and sweet beyond description. 'You have the strength. All you have to do is use it. I am here. I am with you. Use Me.'

"I was born again that day. From that moment, the compulsion was lifted. In the eleven years since, I have found in sobriety what I was searching for in the bottle. I wanted peace; God gave me peace. I wanted acceptance; God accepted me. I wanted to be loved; God assured me that He loved me."

2008-04-24T18:56:00.000-07:00

Love
Apr 23, 2008 to Apr 25, 2008

You're torn between a) walking away, and b) asking them to elope immediately. Seeing as there's a bit of a discrepancy between these options, take the night to sleep on it.

I Have Had To Stop Drinking Alcohol and Less Coffee

2008-04-24T15:38:00.000-07:00

My stomach has had gastritis off and on and I finally am unable to drink alcohol. I have spent 3 nights w/a heating pad on my belly nauseous and have had enough. The coffee has been harder. I tried this morning bu had two cups. Yesterday one. Tomorrow one. Eventually none of each. We hear messages from our bodies yet close our ears frustrated that we cant do something others can. People seem to enjoy coffee so much as i did and alcohol....who doesn't drink? It's a lonely life without going to bars and socializing but with my stomach in this condition I cannot.
A man wants to marry me. He is a very good man. He will be behind me with anything good for me. I am blessed really. My grammy chewed rolaids night and day like I am. She could not stop her coffee. Can I? Will I? Stay tuned. Maalox-Mylanta and Me-a great CD. I am staying calm as it helps my belly. I had avocado and toast and a grilled cheeses sandwich followd by a chicken thigh I could have avoided(greasy). More maalox. I don't know how to eat with this. Prolly oatmeal and cereal. I will have to get some milk and kashi. Use cheese for protein. Chamomile tea is helping. Honey. Sleep meds keep me calm. My teeth hurt from caries. I'm afraid to go to the dentist as I can't stand pain. Feeling as I am. Book sale today made $9. Calm Day.
Sunamizen

Me and Men

2008-04-24T09:45:00.000-07:00

I have boundary issues with men. Or maybe that's not quite right. To have boundary issues one must have boundaries in the first place, right? But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dogs money, my dogs time-everything. if I love you, I will carry for you all your pain. I will assume for you all your debts( in every definition of the word). I will protect you from your own insecurity. I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never cultivated in yourself and I will buy Xmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else. This is how it's always been. I am not proud to say.
From Eat, Pray and Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

Mother Of The Skye

2008-04-24T07:31:00.000-07:00

Aries: (March 21-April 19): Disagreements are helping you sort out your differences. If the fur is flying I wouldn't be surprised. These upsets are clearing the air. When it's all over you'll be blessed with a whole new understanding of your selves and each other. Your problems may appear to be bigger than they actually are. As you return to balance, you will see that all of this should have come out a long time ago. The extent to which you have procrastinated will determine how much BS you have to plough through to get even.

Taurus: (April 20-May 20): The signs are everywhere. If you don't pay attention to what's going on you'll just keep moving forward with blinders on. Carrying on as if life is just a bowl of cherries denies the fact that it's far from that. When one thing after another keeps showing you that you have to rearrange everything you can't continue with the same old ideas and reference points. This whole experience is teaching you that there's no way to avoid looking at all of the things that you thought were real and have turned out not to be.

Gemini: (May 21-June 21): Have enough consideration to know that others can't live with your inconsistencies as well as you can. Too much scattering of energy creates stress for everyone around you. And while it's great that you think you're so good at handling everything, what you don't see is that your way of doing it just doesn't work. A crash course in keeping it simple would help right now; barring that, the best you can do is lose the need to get everyone around you to pick up the slack when things spin out of control.

Cancer: (June 22-July 22): You're in the mood to pull a disappearing act. That wouldn't be a bad idea. Since you're not quite sure whether your presence even matters, you've got nothing to lose by finding out if absence will make the heart grow fonder. Aside from the confusion you've got going on around your career goals, your love life is also a question mark. If you could stay here you would but you're beginning to wonder about the fact that your partner seems to be all about them; and this lack of reciprocity is no fun at all.

Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22): It's a good thing you have the patience for this. Anyone else would have been out of here a long time ago. You could be right in assuming that what you're willing to put up with now will make things easier for you in the long run. It's hard to say. Too many things are changing for you to project too far into the future. What you really need to be thinking about is what you will do if this doesn't pan out. It's a wise person who knows enough to have more than one ace in the hole. Diversifying your options wouldn't hurt.

Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Instead of obsessing about what you did or didn't do, try to be here in the moment. When we rethink everything we've ever done it only keeps us stuck in the past. You can't expect your future to look any different than what's already happened if you keep those old pictures alive. That was then and this is now, my dear. What you really need to be looking at is where you're at with your self and what you want out of your relationship. Now that the scenery has changed both of you have to deal with that.

Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): If you weren't so stubborn you'd see that you can't keep pushing this rock up a hill and not expect it to roll right down one more time. How many times do you need to keep repeating this pattern before you get what it's all about? Persistence doesn't always pay off. Sometimes it's better to drop everything and start all over again someplace else. Most of your stubbornness comes from the fear that if you step out of line you'll lose everything. What if the exact opposite is true? There's only one way to find out.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): You've had a few disappointments and may be feeling a little down. As soon as you realize that all of this has been for the best, you'll snap out of it. You have an amazing ability to let things go once you know that it's time. There are so many things that need to start over again and a lot of anxiety over what this means. Don't get down on your self for having to reinvent your life and work your way up. Looking on the bright side will require you to pull your self together and move forward one step at a time.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Things are looking pretty weird and you're more conscious of it than usual. It's no reflection on you that those close to you our out of their minds! Let everyone iron out their differences without dragging you into it. It may be time to reveal confidential information, but reflect on how people will react if you do. Even though you want to get things out into the open, others may be better off not knowing, or finding out for them selves. Be discreet. Saying too much is bound to get you into a big mess.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You need to start thinking about how you want things to go and begin convincing your self that it's possible. Waiting for someone else to come up with a plan is naïve. It seems likely that they don't know what's needed or are too weak to make a stand. It's usually the case that people use what's socially acceptable as their yardstick. If you do that, you might as well nail your self into a coffin! As far as your relationships go take the eclectic route. There's no need to follow the rules; and you'll be happier if you don't.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Someone's trying to control you. Either that or they're treating you like a kid. It's easy to let others make all your decisions for you but giving your power away is another story. Going along with the program may make sense in some cases. If you follow your heart you'll draw attention to things that you'd rather keep secret. The next few months will be full of surprises. Hidden motives on the part of others are an issue. Stay in the moment with every decision and let your instincts tell you what to do.

Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20): You have just gotten out of a really tight spot. So many things are at risk for now you'd be wise to remain as calm and diplomatic as possible. You made enough mistakes to know that one more could do you in. When relating to others it's important to be friendly but you don't necessarily need to tell them everything. From a cosmic perspective you're in the middle of a 180-degree turn. Keep that in mind as your life swings back and forth and don't try too hard to hang onto anything that isn't working

2008-04-21T20:37:00.000-07:00

Step Four: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

"But in A.A. we slowly learned that something had to be done about our vengeful resentments, self-pity, and unwarranted pride. We had to see that every time we played the big shot, we turned people against us. We had to see that when we harbored grudges and planned revenge for such defeats, we were really beating ourselves with the club of anger we had intended to use on others. We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it."

2008-04-20T18:19:00.000-07:00

"This is not to say that all alcoholics are honest and upright when not drinking. Of course that isn’t so, and such people often may impose on you. Seeing your attempt to understand and help, some men will try to take advantage of your kindness. If you are sure your man does not want to stop, he may as well be discharged, the sooner the better. You are not doing him a favor by keeping him on. Firing such an individual may prove a blessing to him. It may be just the jolt he needs."
© 2001 AAWS, Inc., Fourth Edition;

2008-04-18T06:23:00.000-07:00

From "Coincidence?":

"Only a block or so from the pier, I saw a man approaching from the opposite direction, with his head down, walking into the rain. When he came to me, he stopped and smiled, and I recognized him as a priest I knew from home. I told him I was very ill. He then sat on a bench with me in the rain and assured me that in time all my troubles would pass and the day would come when I would understand them. He said I was not to do anything foolish, but ask God’s help, and somehow everything would work out."

I Watched A Movie

2008-04-16T18:00:00.000-07:00

It was all about heartbreak. It said that if your heart gets broken bad that it grows back if you give it enough time bigger and better than before. I'm counting on it.
Sunami

2008-04-16T07:44:00.000-07:00

From "Tightrope":

"When I first came to this Fellowship, I had lost my health and sanity, my friends, much of my family, my self-respect, and my God. In the years since, all of these have been restored to me. I no longer have the sense of impending doom. I no longer wish for death or stare at myself in the mirror with loathing. I have come to terms with my Higher Power…."

I still drink but have slowed it down considerably as I see what happens
when I drink too much. I get emotional and sometimes angry.
I lose my judgement and do things I never would had I been sober.
It will be a long road sober If I choose it.
Tsunami

On Drinking My Favorite 5PM Habiit

2008-04-15T07:54:00.001-07:00

Step Four: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

"The majority of A.A. members have suffered severely from self-justification during their drinking days. For most of us, self-justification was the maker of excuses; excuses, of course, for drinking, and for all kinds of crazy and damaging conduct. We had made the invention of alibis a fine art. We had to drink because times were hard or times were good. We had to drink because at home we were smothered with love or got none at all. We had to drink because at work we were great successes or dismal failures. We had to drink because our nation had won a war or lost a peace. And so it went, ad infinitum."

How I Was Raised.....

2008-04-13T13:08:00.000-07:00

Has a lot to do with how fuckedup I am now. Please don't think it reflects on you. You are all princes .I am, each time my heart is shattered, taking longer and longer to put back together.This last time is not the worst but a bad one. Something died inside when he left. Me, my joy. I asked for a break he left me cold. I was raised in a split family where I was molested by my dad and verbally taunted by my mom, brother and cousin. I have never had self-esteem. I'm too much of this I'm too little of that.I never thought I'd get fat again. I thought I had banished that demon. Now its back. Perhaps it will go away as I am not eating much. Just know its all really ME not you all. I started out fucked up and it never went away. The drugs started in 99. They keep me almost normal. Sometimes.
Just know I love you all
Love Susan

Jokes

2008-04-13T09:38:00.000-07:00

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse."So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked."No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)I know I'm not going to understand women.I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........ so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Re latives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .

"HEBREWS" The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she wou ld find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.....

2008-04-10T16:20:00.000-07:00

It's the end of the ski season and work is few and far between. I had to buy my mom stretch stockings for $60 so I sold my snow shoes and I have a house clean friday. It seems like treading water at all times. Like I'm going to snap and go under. The bike went into the shop estimated at $50-80 for a tuneup and tire change. Wont be ready for 3 weeks so I need to walk. Michael is coming friday after work to go out to dinner and Sat a matinee and then talent show in Randolph if we make it. I am reading a book called Halfway House about a girl swimmer who had a nervous snap like I did. She is bipolar. Am I? I don't know. Nobody has diagnosed me other that PTSD.
I feel okay when I wake up and have coffee but then I feel wound up like a clock. I know quit the java. I can't seem to do it. So I take klonopin at 4 and 6pm and then again at bedtime. The only thing that helps me is massage. I must train my new boyfriend. I hope he is up to it. I will try to sleep beside him friday despite the snoring and maybe if I wait he will quieten down. I want love so badly. If he knew how I felt inside he'd understand as he is bipolar. I am lucky to have him as he understands me not being ok all the time. I read outside and took a walk with the dog. Every day I will go a tad farther. It is all uphill. Everywhere. I wrote peace on my truck in the dirt. It is time for a wash but they say it might rain so we shall see. Life is a bit boring but calm.
Sunamizen

Mother Of The Skye

2008-04-09T17:43:00.000-07:00

Aries: (March 21-April 19): You thought you had everything all figured out; funny how things have changed. At this point you're having a hard time knowing whether you can even do this anymore. It would be easier if you weren't so rigid. This situation needs to be approached with an open attitude and a willingness to let others be who they are. If you keep trying to control their behavior just so you can feel safe and secure about your self, it will destroy whatever you're trying to maintain. This will clear up when you stop being so uptight.

Taurus: (April 20-May 20): Taking on more than you can handle says a lot for your positive attitude; but it's becoming clearer to you that this is just too much. When you laid out your plans you didn't take into account the fact that you're an emotional wreck. Hello? How do you expect to put on a happy face, let alone conquer the world, with what's going on inside you right now? You can't adjust your schedule, but fate may conspire to call the whole thing off. If this doesn't come together consider it a blessing; you need time to heal.

Gemini: (May 21-June 21): Life is not an endurance test. Now that you know you can't get what you want from this situation it's cleared the space for you to go looking elsewhere. At this point, things are loose enough for you to start all over again. Don't spend too much time wondering why things didn't work out. When the past is over, it's over - and you can't expect to resurrect things that have outlived their purpose. Part of you keeps thinking about what you could have done or could have said - but it's too late for that now.

Cancer: (June 22-July 22): The better things get the better things get. You're seeing how much your mood affects the way your life goes. If you think anything will go back to the way it used to be, trust me; as long as you keep your mind free of any thought that suggests you don't deserve this, it'll keep getting better. Others aren't quite sure about what's happening. They're a bit nonplussed by your enthusiasm. If they find it hard to believe that someone like you could be this lucky, maybe you should give them a lesson on how to be joyful.

Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22): You can't keep trying to stand on principle, even though you're right. You're dealing with people who don't recognize or respect you. Unfortunately, even though they have all the power in this situation, they are lacking in integrity. If you stick around trying to prove your point you won't get anywhere. It would be far better for you to cut your losses and move on. Think about what that could mean and try to imagine what it would be like to live and work with people who actually appreciate your true worth.

Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):You're a little overwhelmed, but psyched about all these options and opportunities. Outwardly things couldn't be better and your gift for organization is helping you manage it all. In the back of your mind there are issues that still haunt your thoughts when you're quiet. It's a good thing your days are busy enough to distract you from what appears to be anger at those who haven't dealt fairly with you. Don't worry about evening the score. God has a way of taking care of these things. Let him do it.

Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): Those who cast you as a sweetie pie don't know about the iron hand in the velvet glove. Using pleasing behaviors to get what you want is a great strategy but it rarely works on people who are smart enough to see through all that stuff. Whoever you're dealing with won't be impressed with your games. They'll be more likely to go along with you if you show some sincerity and speak from your heart. Think about that and ask your self if you really want this or if you're just trying to do it to prove that you can.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): Things are never as difficult as we make them. If it all looks bad right now, it's probably because you're seeing it in its worst possible light. Your feelings are getting stirred up by fears that this won't change. When you talk you have a million reasons why it's your job to endure your situation when the truth is, you can walk out of here any time you want. If your heart had anything to say about this you'd be fine. Too bad your head trips have you thinking that it's better to be normal than it is to be at peace with your self.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It looks like you're into a totally new thing, or you're getting back into something that you haven't done in a long, long time. Either way you're a little out of your element. Trying to act cool even though you don't have a clue what's going on is endearing you to those who have to watch you learn how to ride this bike again. Other things have turned a corner. The dynamics in your relationships are giving you second thoughts. Let things come out into the open before you decide what to do about them.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): After at least one year of procrastination, at last you're getting behind this. As yet there's no need to have it all come together overnight, but it wouldn't hurt to see how soon you can get things rolling. Others have invited you to join them or collaborate with them in some way. For someone who's used to being totally independent this will require you to adjust a lot of your behavior. In most situations you are the leader. This new set of circumstances will teach you a lot about letting others run the show.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):: It's too bad you have to put up with other people's lies and total lack of self awareness. From your perspective everything looks totally different to you than it does to them. It's pretty clear that you're dealing with someone who is in too much denial to see anything for what it is. Making your influence felt won't happen if you keep codepending with their deeper issues. Once you see that all of your beliefs and ideals are being compromised by their lack of integrity, it won't be long before you blow this clambake.

Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20): Too many things have backed you into a corner for you to see anything objectively. These battle scars have made you so defensive you appear to be borrowing trouble where there is none. What you aren't allowing your self to see is that all the issues from the past don't even need to be part of this new scenario. Continuing the make them an issue will only stall the development of what could be fulfillment. Instead of clinging to the notion that you can't have what you want, try to see that it's right at your fingertips.

Scopes

2008-04-09T17:41:00.000-07:00

All Aboard!
Venus Trine Uranus
Apr 10, 2008 to Apr 12, 2008

Finally, the world -- and the people around you -- are moving at a pace you're comfortable with. Sure, it's hectic, but at the moment, it suits you just fine. Just remember that getting them up to speed isn't the problem. Helping them to stay there is.

Love
Venus Trine Uranus
Apr 10, 2008 to Apr 12, 2008

Can you really meet the cutie of your dreams? Well, if you'd stop looking for loopholes, you could. Is this it? You bet.

Energy
Mars Sextile Jupiter
Apr 6, 2008 to Apr 10, 2008

You're going through an intense personal growth spurt. You'll notice it more when you're asked to do something you'd never have tried before -- and you pull if off with flying colors.

Career
Mercury Quincunx Jupiter
Apr 10, 2008

To say that you'll be walking a fine line won't quite do today's balancing act justice. Your best defense is to listen well and only speak when spoken to.

Sobriety

2008-04-09T07:17:00.000-07:00

From "The Missing Link":

"Exactly how was I supposed to not drink if my girlfriend breaks up with me, or if my best friend dies, or even through happy times like graduations, weddings, and birthdays. They suggested I could just stay sober one day at a time. They explained that it might be easier to set my sights on the twenty-four hours in front of me and to take on these other situations when and if they ever arrived. I decided to give sobriety a try, one day at a time, and I’ve done it that way ever since."

Dear Abby

2008-04-08T20:25:00.001-07:00

Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he
drank until one night he came home sober

You Can Love Someone But Not Like Them

2008-04-08T20:16:00.000-07:00

I learned this valuable lesson today.
Love, trust and respect all three comprise love.
I loved but did not nor do I trust or respect.
Lessons learned painfully.
Always so painfully.
Who needs more pain?
Cut The Tie Sugar Pie
He wants you weak and drunk so he can ridicule you the next day.
People that love do not operate like this. They want you healthy and strong.
He lies incesssantly until you don't know what the truth ever was?
Goodbye Bully.
Bully your child but not a sensitive soul like me.
Walk alone in your fears.
I will give no more hugs or help.
Sue-zen

Utterances Of A Man That Claims To Love Me

2008-04-08T13:52:00.001-07:00

Pfttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt to that................................ Only Bullies demean another person...big mouth bullies.......Check this out------
Your a fat pig. talk about disgusting. and a totally judgmental bitch on top of it. No wonder why Mike and the rest of us ran! What an asshole. Tasked some more Klonopin and maybe that will help.. I sure doubt it, analytical ungrateful fattty! You should fuck Victor. He is about your level.
I also bought the booze you took home you friggin pirate!
My very best friend last night. what a total mistake. I hope not only that you don't come to the show, but that you move to Arizona as soon as possible. Vermont doesn't need another bitch living in it.

Luckily I love and respect myslef and as for Mike he is my boyfriend.
This person was in a BPD rage after I told him his home was a pigsty which it is. Rotting food in the freezer and all over the kitchen.
Bottles everywhere. Slime everywhere.

I have spent countless hours helping this man with his drum solo performance and am done.
The vodka I took home was the vodka I brought with me.
I spend money on gas food and booze every time I visit.
Not to mention my time. Usually about $50.
I had planned on going to the talent show and if i do it will be to see the others.
This man is terribly sick and alcoholic and I want nothing more to do with him.
I am lucky to have Mike
Sunamizen

My Scope

2008-04-08T07:08:00.000-07:00

A great deal of attention will be centered on your emotions today, Suzy, although being centered in itself will be quite the challenge. You may feel like a yo-yo today - at the mercy of someone else's hand. Don't fall prey to victimization. Stand up for yourself even if it means that others are likely to get upset. You are responsible for your feelings and no one else's.

When you reach the end of your rope you will find the hem of His garment.....

2008-04-03T16:24:00.000-07:00

I would rather live my life as if there is a God, and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't, and die to find out there is.

Computer Was Infected

2008-03-24T13:16:00.000-07:00

I've been fighting with my computer until today when I went to explorer and restored original defaults. Suddenly I am able to go to sites. I believe A-O-ILL is hurting my computer but I am so afraid to do without it.......what a dumbass I am. If I have fixed this today you will see more postings. I haven't been able to access blogger until now. Technology and me.....I don't know.
Have A Great Day!
Sunamizen

A Joke

2008-03-24T10:26:00.000-07:00

A man is walking down the beach and sees an armless, legless woman sitting on the beach crying, he stops and says, " what are you crying about", she says, " in my whole life I've never been kissed", so he leans down and gives her a kiss. As he walks away he hears her crying even louder, so he goes back and asks " what are you crying for now", she says,"in my whole life I've never been fucked", so he picks her up and throws her in the ocean, and says " well, your'e fucked now!

Don't Drink The Poison Water

2008-03-20T20:33:00.000-07:00

Follow this link: http://www.naturalnews.com/z022809.html

Medication Pollution Spreads: Water Supply of 24 U.S. Cities FoundContaminated with Pharmaceuticals
by Mike Adams(NaturalNews)

Analysis of tap water supplies in major metropolitan areasconducted by the Associated Press has revealed that the water supply in 24major U.S. cities -- serving over 40 million people -- are contaminatedwith trace amounts of pharmaceuticals including antibiotics, anti-seizuremedications, anti-inflammatory drugs, psychotropic drugs, pain medicationsand even caffeine. The upshot of the report is that tens of millions ofAmericans are unwittingly being subjected to a bizarre medical experimentwith unpredictable results. No scientist can say for certain whetherlong-term exposure to micro doses of multiple pharmaceuticals is safebecause such an experiment has never before been conducted on anypopulation.One of the most startling realizations of the study is that Americans arenow using so many medications that their own biological waste products arebecoming large-scale environmental pollutants. Yet neither the EPA nordrug companies have yet said anything useful about attempts to protect theenvironment from the chemical toxicities of pharmaceutical waste. Drugcompanies have so far pretended the problem doesn't exist. Their goal isto simply sell more drugs, and they seem to be entirely unconcerned aboutwhat happens after a typical medication consumer flushes the toilet andsends the toxic chemicals downstream.If trace amounts of multiple pharmaceuticals are now in the tap watersupplies, it also means that any use of tap water involves the furtherspread of those pharmaceutical chemicals. Watering your lawn, for example,means spraying small amounts of pharmaceuticals on your lawn. Forranchers, watering their cows, pigs or chickens also means dosing thoseanimals with small amounts of pharmaceuticals, and for public schools inthe affected cities, all the water fountains used by the children are nowfunctioning as mass medication dispensing machines.The most dangerous medical experiment in the history of our nationThe mass medication of America has now turned into a grand medicalexperiment that exposes infants, children, expectant mothers, seniorcitizens, voters, law enforcement officers, doctors and everybody else toa combination of drugs known to have extremely dangerous, mind-alteringside effects when taken in full doses. And yet this mass medication of thepopulation is being conducted with no doctor visits, no prescriptions, noconsent and no medical assessment whatsoever. It is essentially amandatory medication carpet-bombing of the entire population.We can only guess what the results will be a generation from now. Butclues can be gathered by watching the impact of such drugs on aquaticorganisms. Amphibians exposed to very low doses of these types ofchemicals, for example, begin to grow dual sex organs and sufferwidespread infertility problems. Deformities in fish are beingincreasingly reported in rivers, and the world's oceans now have over ahundred "dead zones" where agricultural runoff and medication runoff havecombined to form a toxic aquatic poison that kills all fish. This is thesame water being used to create tap water in U.S. cities.What's in recycled urine, anyway?I remember hearing people snicker when they learned that NASA wasrecycling urine on the space shuttle and that astronauts would be drinkingeach other's recycled urine. Well guess what, folks? In major U.S. cities,almost everybody is drinking somebody else's recycled urine!And guess what's in that urine? Toxic medications, caffeine, painkillers,and a cocktail of other chemicals like personal care product fragrances,pesticides and more. It's enough to make you sick. Literally.Guess what else? This is the water used to make sodas and other beveragesat local bottling plants. So every time you pick up a can of soda anddrink it, not only are you getting the dangerous chemicals intentionallyadded to those sodas -- like aspartame and phosphoric acid -- you're alsogetting trace amounts of medication chemicals recycled from other peoples'urine, too! Yum!Water treatment plants don't remove medication chemicals from the water!Many consumers mistakenly believe that water treatment plants actuallyremove these contaminants, but that's not true. Municipal water treatmentfacilities do remove large solids (like dirt, sand and leaves), but theyonly sanitize the water by adding chlorine to kill microorganisms. Theydon't actually remove toxic chemicals from the water. Only distillation --a highly energy-intensive process -- removes everything from the water(including the minerals).A few cities treat their water with ozone, which is a far healthier methodthat avoids the use of toxic chlorine (which is linked to bladder cancer).Ozonation can break down some -- but not all -- medications. So what aboutcountertop filters that use carbon blocks? I'm going to find out theanswer to that question later this week when I interview Aquasana, thecompany that makes countertop filters and shower filters. I'll be sure toask them for technical details about the ability of their filters toremove trace amounts of pharmaceuticals. That's suddenly an increasinglyimportant question to consumers who don't want to consume toxic chemicalsin their water.Terrorists couldn't have done a better job of poisoning AmericaWhat's really interesting in all this is that the water supply is oftencited as a security vulnerability to the nation; a weakness in the defensewhere terrorists could easily dump chemicals and poison the Americanpeople. But why would they bother? Drug companies have already poisonedthe water supply for them!And just in case the medication chemicals in the water aren't enough topoison the nation, many water treatment facilities add even more poison inthe form of artificial fluoride chemicals that cause bone loss and weakenthe immune system. Terrorists could hardly do a better job of poisoningthe water supply than what corporate America has done already... with thehelp of criminally negligent government regulatory agencies, of course.That brings us to the Environmental Protection Agency, a corruptorganization that has now sold out to big business. Read the followingarticle to learn how the EPA now conspires with the chemical industry tocensor scientists who try to protect the public from toxic chemicals:http://www.naturalnews.com/022773.htmlThe EPA has taken no action whatsoever to regulate or eliminate thepresence of pharmaceutical chemicals in the water supply. Apparently, theEPA doesn't mind the fact that infants, babies and pregnant women are nowdrinking six different medications in their tap water. The agency remainseither silent on the issue or in agreement with the corrupt scientists whosay the levels of contamination are too low to really matter. But intruth, nobody knows the health effects of combining multiple low-dosepharmaceuticals and feeding it to the population. Anybody who says there'sno risk of harm is simply lying.How to avoid contaminated waterThe solution to all this? On a personal level, you'll need to avoiddrinking tap water, period. Or filter it really well. Distillation, as Imentioned, is very energy intensive (which makes it bad for globalwarming), but it does get the water very, very clean. Other consumer-levelwater filters may remove some amount of pharmaceuticals, but I don't haveall the facts on that yet, so I'm not going to make any recommendationsuntil I learn more.But I am researching it, so stay tuned to NaturalNews.com and subscribe toour e-mail newsletter at http://www.naturalnews.com/readerregist...I'll be sure to e-mail an announcement when I have new information aboutthe effectiveness of consumer water filters.Get your medications for free!The funny part in all this is that if medication trends continue and thepresence of pharmaceuticals in the water supply continues to increase, itmight get to the point where you no longer need to pay for medications atall! Need some anti-inflammatory drugs? Just drink the water!Of course, it might be better described as "drinking Big Pharma'skool-aid," because the pharmaceutical industry is now founded on acult-like belief in chemicals promoted by commissioned drug reps,psychiatric zealots and mind-numbed doctors. The level of irrationalbelief in the power of pharmaceuticals has reached such a fervor that itcan only have been made possible by a mass brainwashing of gullibleprofessionals. They have schools dedicated to this dark art -- they'recalled "med schools."Seriously, this tap water contamination is yet one more reason to considerleaving the city and moving closer to nature. America is now sointoxicated with medications that they're showing up in the water! Do yourealize how many people have to be taking (and flushing) drugs to get tothat point? It means that the nation has become a chemical consumptionquagmire that has now poisoned the people, the land, the air and thewater.The people of America deserve better. Problem is, they're too drugged upto know it! Don't you find it interesting, by the way, that the EPA iswarning everybody about the environmental dangers of colloidal silver, yetutterly ignoring the environmental dangers of pharmaceutical antibiotics?It's an interesting double standard...

The Ego

2008-03-19T19:22:00.000-07:00

For the ego to survive, it must make time--past and future--more important than the present moment. The ego cannot tolerate becoming friendly with the present moment, except briefly just after it got what it wanted. Nothing can satisfy the ego for long. As long as it runs your life, there are two ways of being unhappy. Not getting what you want is one. Getting what you want is the other........Tolle

2008-03-15T18:07:00.001-07:00

When did you last evaluate the tasks you do every day against what’s most important to you?-- Sam Parker

Sex,sex and more sex...

2008-03-15T17:00:00.000-07:00

Spitzer's Shame Is Wall Street's Gain
By Robert Scheer Truthdig Wednesday 12 March 2008

Tell me again: Why should we get all worked up over the revelation that the New York governor paid for sex? Will it bring back to life the eight U.S. soldiers killed in Iraq that same day in a war that makes no sense and has cost this nation trillions in future debt? Will it save those millions of homes that hardworking folks all over the country are losing because of financial industry shenanigans that Eliot Spitzer, as much as anyone, attempted to halt? Perhaps it provides some insight into why oil has risen to $108 a barrel, benefiting most of all the oil sheiks whom our taxpayer-supported military has kept in power?

Sure, the guy, by his own admission, is quite pathetic in all those small, squirrelly ways that have messed up the lives of other grand public figures before him, but why is an all-too-human sin, amply predicted in early Scripture, getting all this incredible media play as some sort of shocking event? The answer is that, while having precious little to do with serious corruption in public life, it does have a great deal to do with stoking flagging newspaper sales and television ratings. The sad truth is that reporting on major corruption, say, the rationalizations of a president who has authorized torture, doesn't cut it as a marketing bonanza. Just days before this grand expose, the president vetoed a bill banning torture, and instead of being greeted with horrified disgust, the president's deep denigration of this nation's presumed ideals was met with a vast public yawn. Torture, unlike paid sex, doesn't have legs as a news story.

Sex sells, and frankly it would seem far more exploitative for the news media to pimp this tale to the public than anything that VIP escort service did with the pitiable governor. His behavior was not really any more wretched than messing around with a young and vulnerable White House intern who didn't even get paid for her efforts, yet Bill Clinton survived that one, whereas Spitzer was presumed dead on the arrival of this "news." The New York Times, which editorially has supported the candidacy of Hillary Clinton, whose vast White House experience clearly did not include corralling her husband, now editorializes contemptuously about Spitzer's betrayal of the public trust as well as about his exploitation of his "ashen-faced" wife, who, like Hillary, stood by her man.

The media consensus from the opening salvo was that Spitzer must resign and he will be thrown to the dogs, which is unfortunate because, like Clinton, he has done much valuable work in the public interest, and the outrage over this personal dereliction, tawdry in the extreme, is excessive. I certainly never wanted Clinton to resign, let alone be impeached, but why is Spitzer's paying for sex more disgraceful than ripping it off? Yes, Spitzer allegedly broke a law that shouldn't be on the books, and his resignation in disgrace is inevitable, but it bothers me that George W. Bush and Dick Cheney remain in office despite having violated enormously more serious laws.

Frankly, I don't care what any of these politicians do in their personal lives as long as the practice is consensual, and the thousands of dollars that exchanged hands in this case would provide a presumption that the lady in question was indeed a willing partner in this commercial transaction. True, Spitzer is an outrageous hypocrite for having prosecuted others caught in what should not be considered criminal behavior, but since when is hypocrisy on the part of a politician, particularly as to sex, so shocking?

I wouldn't have written this column had I not read The Wall Street Journal's Page 1 news story headlined "Wall Street Cheers as Its Nemesis Plunges Into Crisis." The article begins with the crowing statement "It's Schadenfreude time on Wall Street" and goes on to quote those whom Spitzer went after over what should be considered the criminal greed that has predominated on Wall Street. It was Spitzer, as much as anyone, who sounded the alarm on the subprime mortgage crisis, the obscene payouts to CEOs who defrauded their shareholders and the other financial scandals that have brought the U.S. economy to its knees.

The best rule of thumb these days is that ordinary Americans should be mightily depressed over any news that Wall Street hustlers cheer, for they have been exposed as a dangerous pack of scoundrels quite willing to rob decent, hardworking people of their homes. And of course no one on Wall Street ever paid for sex.=

Todays scope..........

2008-03-15T16:58:00.000-07:00

You're not quite sure why -- and for that matter, you're not sure about much lately -- but you're in love. Okay, now let's wait and see if it lasts.

Me Larger Than Life (Literally)

2008-03-14T17:40:00.001-07:00

Todaus Scope

2008-03-14T16:53:00.001-07:00

Was communicating always this easy for the two of you? Have you always been able to finish each other's sentences? Who cares? Enjoy it!

Spirituality

2008-03-14T15:44:00.000-07:00

"The singular thing that is spirituality cannot be given to a fellowman by word of mouth. If every man is to have it, then every man must earn it, in his own way, by his own hand, stamped by the seal of himself, in his own individual right."

What Chefs Do When They Are Bored

2008-03-14T15:41:00.000-07:00

We Agnostics

2008-03-10T08:37:00.000-07:00

"Some of us have been violently anti-religious. To others, the word 'God' brought up a particular idea of Him with which someone had tried to impress them during childhood.… With that rejection we imagined we had abandoned the God idea entirely. We were bothered with the thought that faith and dependence upon a Power beyond ourselves was somewhat weak, even cowardly. We look upon this world of warring individuals, warring theological systems, and inexplicable calamity, with deep skepticism.… How could a Supreme Being have anything to do with it all? And who could comprehend a Supreme Being anyhow? Yet, in other moments, we found ourselves thinking, when enchanted by a starlit night, 'Who, then, made all this?' There was a feeling of awe and wonder, but it was fleeting and soon lost.

"Yes, we of agnostic temperament have had these thoughts and experiences.… We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that Power, which is God."
© 2001 AAWS, Inc., Fourth Edition; Alcoholics Anonymous

For My Friend Eric

2008-03-09T14:49:00.000-07:00

Moon River, wider than a mile,
I'm crossing you in style some day.
Oh, dream maker, you heart breaker,
wherever you're going I'm going your way.

Two drifters off to see the world.
There's such a lot of world to see.
We're after the same rainbow's end--
waiting 'round the bend,
my huckleberry friend,
Moon River and me.

ADULT JOKES

2008-03-08T16:10:00.000-08:00

Top Four Adult Jokes
Fourth Place :

A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, His elbow goes into her breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turns to her and says, 'Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me.' She replies, 'If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 221.'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Third Place :

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife's arm.
The wife turns over and says 'I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh.' The husband, rejected, turns over. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. 'Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Runner Up: Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day To confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong.
'What's wrong, Bill ?' she asked.
'Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?'

'Oh, Bill , you didn't' she exclaimed.
'Yes, I did.' he replied. 'My God, Bill , what happened?' 'I got fired.' ' No , Bill . I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?' 'Oh...she got fired too.'----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Winner:

A couple had been married for 50 years.

They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.'
'I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago.'
'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.'
'I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps.

'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal.'