When The Student Is Ready The Teacher Appears

After having another reaction from something the chiropractor gave me to "strengthen my liver" I threw up my hands, swallowed my pride and called an older woman, 80, Sallie Bones in Bethel, VT who I had known when I first got MCS and was going through hell. We both were and eventually got in a snit together and parted about 3 years ago. She was a bible thumper and always trying to convert me. She was trying to teach me about MCS and I was suffering so badly I could not comprehend a lot of it. I was reacting non-stop at that time. Somehow I had gotten a bit better...but after a divorce, a few trips out west...I became what is known as "A Universal Reactor." Problem was I STILL didn't know it. It has taken me over three years to understand what is happening to me. I had heard it from her and read about it. Now I had it. How to survive with it and learn how to find SAFE food and products? On a very low budget. I think the massive amount of dental work and antibiotics brought this on and the stress of living here and trying to maintain it in all my allergens--mold and traffic fumes. So here I sit waiting to call her back and catch up and try to be more compassionate and listen more when she talks. MSC people often have "diarrhea of the mouth" because they are alone alot and when they get a chance to talk to someone they can go on and on. We both do but this time I will let her talk more. I have so many questions but maybe "an answer a day" is enough. Maybe with her guidance we can help each other along this path that we have both been shoved onto unwillingly. Anyway she is my lifeline right now.
I pray to buddha to let me sleep and wake up clear so that I can relax. She lives up north and when I am strong enough I will go visit her at Depot Park. I used to all the time.
Time to rest..I drove to get water and I am exhausted. I don't like this reality..I hope I can create a better one.
I had to cancell my dental visit yet again as I have to have a blood tests for $245 called a Bio Compatibility test to find dental materials I can safely tolerate. Had I known about this I may not have gotten so sick as I had tons of dental work and got sicker each time 2 yrs ago. Go figure. Turns out all the dental materials contain phosphate..the life threatening allergy. God...thank you for telling me to cancell for tuesday.
Back on Ice.
Sunamizen

Needing Silence To Hear

I can only HOPE.
I can only be silent with myself and my pets. I have been on the brink of giving up and in the maelstrom of despair lashing out at loved ones. A soft word turns away wrath: but a harsh word stirs up anger. My mind has not been itself as of late. I believe I have to LOSE my mind to FIND my mind. Same with my health. I have had to stop eating and exist on juiced vegetables and bites of fruit. There is a reason for everything. A man told me awhile back I wasn't ready to learn. I challenged him. Won his heart at last. He was right ultimately. I was stuck with my own ILLUSIONS. What a man should do if he loved you. Instead of what he WAS DOING. I'm just an old fool. He spurned my gifts and I didn't understand him. Appreciate him. I gave back his because I felt odd sharing it with his daughter. A camera. I see now that the gifts people give us are what they CAN give not necesarily what we need at the time. Anyway, since God struck me down and took everything away I have been so angry. My life was going out of control and the pain has been excruciating. Pain must be used however. Pain must be my guide to find where I need to be.
My edges got so sharp as the pain and discomfort increased. I could not think straight and right now I am not thinking well through the pain. My body can't keep up anymore and I am frustrated..in survival mode having to fight or be devoured. I have been lashing out at friends unconsciously as my brain and central nervous sytem went down with chemical injury. When the body fails so do the emotions. I feel dead..at the core and at the edges. I cry for my losses...I can't eat..I can't work now....I can't figure out how to help my body naturally still. All the doctors are not helping and some made me worse. Everything I try makes me sicker. I have truly wanted to give up the fight. I find myself staggering around in a fog hanging onto my dog for dear life. Everyone is about their life busy and I know they don't understand what is happening to me. I don't even. They keep saying get a job and I roll my eyes as I guess the don't understand that I cannot work. I know they think the stimilation or work would help me but i am afraid of the exposures and losing my check. I am in drug withdrawal that I do know. It hits around eight pm. I have been cantankerous and crabby and needy wanting so badly for someone to walk into my life and save me and if they walk in and don't save me i have felt anger. The last hug I had was from my friend Eric (who is mad at me right now for just putting my damn foot in my mouth writing when i couldnt even think and not making any sense. The sense I made made no sense to him and hurt him.) I have been feling extremely sorry for myself and as i watch the weight drop off SCARED of how thin I can get before I disappear or die here alone in the house. I keep myself moving mostly for my pets because they NEED me to live. I NEED them as well. I lost my joy. I want it back. I'm still angry but it is less today. Bruised and jangled emotions. Electric shocks rewiring my brain. I want Suzy back. Please give me Suzy back.
If I am quick to REACT and say something to a friend when my brain has been injured by an attack, or act a little short or testy because of the pain and fear...a wall goes up between us. Nothing happens then but we both lose our joy. Do you hear me Randolph? Things said in a soft way, not charp and cutting, can turn away tension. Everything sounds like a sharp BARK to me lately...I must be the reason for their bark...or their silence. I am hurting and I must turn this hurt over to God and ask him to put a new song in my mouth.
I have seen others..in particular a paralyzed woman....who writes with a stick who seems to keep a peaceful spirit despite illness. Why can't i do that? Maybe I need some help..some TLC to revive me. I don't know where to turn. Fear stops me every time. The money has finally run out. They say that the task ahed of us is not as great as the power behind us. Can I do this?
I will try. Two weeks loom before food stamps with very little here I can eat.
I will go to see the red poppy out back. It is huge. Maybe it will put my song back.
Love Sunami Frayed

I Have Not Slept At All

My words are just not coming out right. Not connecting.
Yes I wanted to die last week....
A large percentage of MCS people contemplate, plan or attempt suicide
It is the only way out for some....
There is only so much suffering and CNS shock you can withstand...
I'm just so tired of it all....
Drinking two drinks was no help a few nights ago
I am angry at myself for slipping or looking for permission
Sunami

The Human Mind

The world is peopled with minds, whirling faster than any wind, in search of distraction and escape from the predicament of change, the dilemma of life and death--seeking purpose, security, enjoyment, trying to make sense of the mystery. Everyone everywhere living a confused, bitter search. Reality never matching their dreams; happiness just around the corner--a corner they never turned.
The source of it all-all the agony-- was the human mind.

....Excerpt from the Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman

Ruby Sent A Pix From Seattle To Cheer Ant Suzy Up

Drug Withdrawal And MCS Attack

I feel like I am being electrocuted...shocks are going through my right hand and it is burning..I have been getting carpal tunnel in it so i got a new mouse pad....it might be benzo withdrawal CNS shock or the chemical poisoning yesterday(diesel)...I don't know but all I do know is I do not know how many more attacks I can take..my body is getting weaker and thinner and I can barely think....I'm scared and trembling...my blood sugar keeps dropping...I'm not sure I want to live this way....please let this stop.
My horoscope said...
Hear that? It's the sound that shakes the skies just seconds before they're illuminated by a bright light. That's what's going on inside you -- and if you deny it, you'll only be postponing the inevitable. Why bother? Take cover, and prepare for the next rumble.
I'm losing hope and spirit....
I just feel like sleeping forever and ever...I don't want to wake up to another vicious inflammatory attack....please whoever is watching over me...could you step up to the plate before I drop dead....??? I'll be waiting eating garlic..my tummy is burning.
Knowbody Special

There Must Be A Reason Chuck Gave Me The Garlic To Plant

Maybe Poppa Knew Best!! He brought the garlic to plant!
It Is The Only Cheap Thing Left To Do To Kill What I Have.
MCS is worsened by fungal infections and garlic kills fungus and also removes heavy metals and parasites(babesia).

Constituents: allyl sulfide, allicin, alliin, enzyme alliinase, Vitamins A, B1, B2 and C, nicotinic acid, thiamin, riboflavin, minerals (magnesium, phosphorus, potassium) Properties: yang tonic and a stimulant, diuretic, alterative, digestant, carminiative, expectorant and parasiticide, antiseptic, antimicrobial, diaphoretic, cholagogue, hypotensive, anti-spasmodic, anthelmintic, anti-catarrhal, pectoral, rubefacient, vulnerary
Energetics: spicy, hot Meridians/Organs affected: lungs, kidney,spleen, stomach, colon
Medicinal Uses:
It stimulates metabolism, and is used both for chronic and acute diseases; has both tonic and alterative properties; counteracts lower back and joint pains, arthritis and rheumatism. It also treats weak digestion, genito-urinary diseases, lung and bronchial infections and mucous conditions.
In Ayurveda it is considered a rejuvenative for both kapha (water) and vata (air). Garlic cloves may be taken internally both as a preventative and as a treatment for all intestinal worms. Blend with a little sesame or olive oil, it may be used externally. However, its strong odor may repel humans as well as parasites. A single dose is three to five cloves in infusion or taken raw. This is repeated three to six times a day until the problem is resolved. Garlic is good for amoebic dysentery. Enemas of garlic are also helpful. It is an effective antibiotic for staphylococcus, streptococcus and salmonella bacteria and is effective against bacteria that are resistant to standard antibiotic drugs.
It is a good antifungal for the treatment of candida albicans yeast infections. For the treatment of pinworms, it should be made into a paste with olive oil or the bruised clove inserted directly into the rectum. For vaginitis and leucorrhea, one or two bruised cloves wrapped in muslin are inserted into the vagina. As an oil or vinegar, it can be used to treat ear and mouth infections. Researchers noted some success in treating deep fungal infections, whooping cough, lead poisoning, and some carcinomas. Even appendicitis was improved in a number of studies. Studies of factory workers found that garlic not only detoxified harmful levels of lead from the blood, it seemed to prevent its accumulation in the first place. Subjects who ate garlic for six months found that their "bad" LDL cholesterol and triglyceride levels went down, while their "good" HDL cholesterol levels increased. Garlic also helps normalize systolic blood pressure levels and can sustain them up to 24 hours. Many cultures turn to garlic to control mild diabetes. The natural killer cells of the immune system are dramatically activated by garlic.
The fresher the garlic, the better it works. Garlic oil capsules work better than dried garlic powder.

Combinations:
Microbial infections: Echinacea
Dosage: a clove should be eaten three times a day or use garlic oil capsules taking 3 once a day as a prophylactic or three times a day when an infection occurs.
Homeopathy: Homeopaths use Allium sativum for colitis, tuberculosis, painful constipation, bronchitis, painful breasts, and skin eruptions during the menses. The remedy is more effective for meat eaters than for exclusive vegetarians.
TCM: Expels internal cold and internal dampness.
Indications: hookworm, pinworm; diarrhea and dysentery; tuberculosis; coughing fits; external application to early stages of abscesses and ringworm on the head; internal cold and internal damp symptoms. Dosage: fresh cloves: 3-5 per day; taken raw in food, or in capsules. External: puree of fresh garlic cloves can be applied to abscesses as an antiseptic and healing agent, also to ringworm on the head; for athlete’s foot, apply liberally to infected area and wrap well with a clean, dry cloth for 1-2 hours, then remove and wipe away excess garlic with dry cloth.
Contraindication: excessive use of garlic is said to be harmful to the eyes, cause dizziness, and scatter energy; it is said to cause ascending fire energy
Incompatible: honey
Flower Essences: For those who are fearful, weak or easily influenced, prone to low vitality. Garlic flower restores wholeness for such souls, helping them to consolidate and unify the astral body, and to bring it into greater harmony with the physical and etheric bodies and the spiritual ego.
Aromatherapy:
EXTRACTION: Essential oil by steam distillation from the fresh crushed bulbs.
CHARACTERISTICS: A colorless to pale yellow mobile liquid with a strong, unpleasant, familiar garlic-like odor USE: Due to its unpleasant and pervasive smell, the oil is not often used externally. However, the capsules may be taken internally for respiratory and gastro-intestinal infections, urinary tract infections such as cystitis, heart and circulatory problems, and to fight infectious diseases in general. The oil is made into capsules and also included in many health food products mainly to help reduce high blood pressure and protect against heart disease.
Extensively employed as a flavor ingredient in most major food categories.
Toxicity: Pregnant women should use in small amounts as garlic is a mild emmenagogue. Large doses occasionally cause indigestion and some reports claim they make the eye more sensitive to light.
Ritual Uses: In the home, braids of garlic guard against evil, repel thieves, and turn away the envious. And of course, garlic protects against vampires. It is a very effective blessing for new homes. Garlic cloves were once placed upon cairns, small piles of stones heaped at the intersections of paths and roads, in order to give honor to Hecate. Moslem lore holds that garlic and onion rose from the spots where Satan’s feet first touched the earth. Garlic was treated by the Egyptians as divine, and was included in oath-taking. Homer believed that Ulysses used garlic when he and his men escaped from Circe’s anger. It may be included in ritual breads eaten in Hecate’s honor.
Cosmetic Uses: Rich in alkaline salts and sulphur compounds, garlic is a blood purifier and keeps the skin clear of spots and pimples. The juice added to warm lard or olive oil and applied to a spotty skin or where there is soreness, will bring about rapid healing.
Recipes:
Break up a bulb into several cloves and place in a saucepan with 1 lb of lard and heat gently for 30 minutes. Leave for several hours after turning off the heat, then add ½ oz beeswax and slowly reheat. Remove the garlic cloves and pour into screw-top jars to solidify. Use as a night cream.
Other Uses: Research shows that garlic sprays kill cabbage white and ermine moth, onion fly larvae, mole crickets, pea weevils and field slugs and deter aphids and Japanese beetles.
Bug Formula:
3 oz garlic, chopped, 2 tsp mineral oil, 1 pint water, 1 oz oil-based hand soap, water to dilute Soak garlic in oil for 1 week. Then dissolve soap into water and mix in the garlic oil. Strain out garlic. When ready to use, dilute 1 part in 20 parts water and spray on plants. The soap can be replaced with ½ oz of liquid all-purpose, bio-degradable soap.
Culinary Use:
One of the most popular flavoring herbs in the world, garlic is incorporated into butters, vinegars, salts, dried seasoning, salad dressings, soups and main dishes. The Chinese even prepare a honeyed garlic. Fresh cloves have the best flavor. Peeling garlic is a simple task. To peel just a few cloves, place the flat side of a heavy knife over a clove and rap your fist smartly down onto the blade. You can then easily slip off the skin. You’ll learn quickly just how much force to use—too much and the garlic is mashed; you just want to break the seal of the skin. To ensure ending up with a whole perfect clove, simply nip off the ends of the clove and strip away the peel with the knife edge. To peel several cloves at a time, drop the unpeeled cloves in boiling water for 30 seconds, rinse under cold water, drain, and peel the skins off easily.
Once clove of garlic will yield approximately one teaspoon minced. To mince garlic peel the clove and then lay it on your working surface. Slice it into pieces and then chop until you have achieved the size mince you wish. When you want to soften cloves so they are easier to crush, sprinkle on a little salt. Avoid powdered garlic, which has rancid undertones. When you cook with garlic, the amount of medicinal properties left corresponds to how strong it tastes. Fresh garlic may be creamy white or have a purplish-red cast and it should be plump and firm, with its paperlike covering intact, not spongy, soft or shriveled. Fresh garlic keeps best in a cool, dry place with plenty of ventilation. It should not be refrigerated unless you separate the cloves and immerse them in oil, either peeled or unpeeled. If the garlic isn’t peeled, the cloves will hold their firmness longer, but peeling will be more difficult. Fresh garlic which is held in open-air storage for any length of time will lose some of its pungency and may even develop sprouts. The garlic is still usable, but will be somewhat milder and more will be needed to achieve the same strength of flavor in a dish being prepared.
In India it is eaten by everyone except by very puritanical sects who fear its reputation as an aphrodisiac, or by strict vegetarians who believe that in uprooting a garlic bulb from the ground they may accidentally kill an insect