I need to be somewhere else where I can get away from maintaining my home. To need help and be too full of pride to ask and hope someone will see that you need it or being in need of help and not being able to pay for it sucks....or even ask without being approached in a sexual fashion.
Trying to keep up and fight a disability that is flaring worse by the day..
I wish someone else would BLOW UP to see what it felt like so they
could undertand the anxiety and desperation it causes.
The neediness. The fear. The desire to pick up. The depression.
Everything is okay when you are available to give non-stop when you are doing good but as soon as you need to be given to at a specific time...
because the lawn does not know about stopping growing...
and the house does not know when to stop needing help....
Suddenly other people are more important...
People that don't need help or people that never helped you and only disrespected you as a game over and over....
All of a sudden THEY are the most important...
I'll never understand it all....
There Must Be A Pony....
Have A Good Weekend Taking Care Of Yourself
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3 comments:
Ever have a friend that needed you? Ever have a friend that had more than they could manage and needed your help? What is the price to keep count of and maintain their own chosen path? Ultimately they must either downsize or manage their own affairs. Ultimately it is nobody elses responsibility but our own.
"To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves--there lies the great, singular power of self-respect."
Joan Didion
"Blessed is the man who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed" was the ninth beatitude.
Alexander Pope
You are all so wise those of you that don't have to work while you are ill....I guess you have ample time to ponder life and its answers...good on ya...
Some of us are scrabbling to hang onto a home we built with love and hard work thru a very painful disabilty....maybe expecting the friends WE helped to rise to the occasion and be less selfish....
Try maintaining a home when you can't move...you know what needy feels like?
I now know that the men I have fallen in love with while drinking are just the men that are not there for you when you need help. Another lesson learnt.
I'm sure around the corner is someone who I wont even have to ask.....as it is very hard to ask and then be laughed at by the scholars with very wise things coming from their brains who pontificate while those of us earn a living....despite doctors orders not to work..for to lose my home would kill me as MCS ppl cannot live juist anywhere.
have a great day
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