Searching For The Positives

from: "Changing Beliefs"

Slowly and painfully, I became aware of myself. I began to see it wasn’t true that I didn’t believe in anything. Rather, I had believed in the wrong things:
I had believed I needed a drink for confidence.
I had believed I was unattractive.
I had believed I was unworthy.
I had believed no one loved me.
I had believed I never had a break.

Someone said at a closed meeting, “There is good in all of us. Seek it out, nurture it, tend it, and it will flourish.” So I began searching for the positives within me. I realized that my feeling of inferiority was just one aspect of ego, and the arrogance I projected was the other. I must find the center median. So I tried to act as if:
AA was giving me confidence.
I had an attractive personality, even though I was not beautiful.
I was worthy, like all others.
I loved myself and could therefore love others.
Faith was freeing me from the fear that had always gripped me.

© 1973, AAWS, Inc., Came to Believe…, pages 103-104

Anti-abuse Medication for Women

You've all heard about antibuse med for stopping drink cravings. Well, we know that the number of women in physically or emotionally abusive relationships has reached epidemic proportions in this country. As things now stand, however, there are few truly effective solutions to the problem, and most of those seem to be the stuff of self help books, preachy tomes that are geared toward women and their "alleged problems with self-esteem. This is problematic on two counts. First, it puts the burden of dealing with abusive relationships on the shoulders of women, implying in turn that if they are being mis-treated, then it is somehow their fault.
Second, the self-help approach appears to ignore any possibility that this syndrome could have physiological roots. Some women, after all, seem to have an almost biological need to be mistreated. They flock instinctively to men who manipulate and criticize them, cut them down, and otherwise ensure that their already low self-esteem remains at best marginal. Perhaps, like people who suffer from depression or anxiety, they could take a pill.
Anti-abuse meds would operate under the same principles as Antabuse, the highly effective drug that makes alcoholics violently ill at the first sip of a drink. So, when a man in your life starts taking you for granted, criticizing you in public, or otherwise hacking away at your sense of self, you'd simply pop a pill and lurch into a fit of vomiting, three or four bouts of this and it seems safe to say, your attraction to abusive males would begin to abate, thereby freeing you to pursue happier, healthier romantic partners.
Science could take this one step further by making a pill that incurred projectile vomiting. This would teach abusive men a thing or two.

Little Pieces

When in a relationship you shave little pieces of yourself away to make you fit together until you dont even know who you are any more

Alcohol

Alcohol is such a puzzle. When you are deep into it, it feels like the only solution, the glue that is holding you together. In fact, it is the basis of the problem, the glue that is keeping your feet stuck to the floor. The truth is so hard yet simple to see.

I Love You

Do We Need Drama To Make A Relationship Work?
Butterflies. I'm Serious. Reflecting on how the nice guys are so boring. No challenge--no chase. Just a poll. After the first 3-4 mos come the laundry and skidmarks, forgotten promises and thoses little things that become enormous. Like an elephant in the middle of the room. Unshowered man unbrushed teeth. Tuna in beard-ik. Do I want to kiss a tuna? NO! Feh, what do I know? My heart got smashed 2 yrs ago and I'm celibate and phobic about dating. I'm physically falling apart and hooked on benzos(doctor prescribed). The dentist wants to make me a lower denture and I said NO! I'm not going this fast. Maybe I am. But I'll fight it. Like the depression. I had a dream last night that I was holding Chucks face in my hands and caressing his hair and telling him how gorgeous he was. I woke up suddenly and he was gonzo. Shabatt. Shook me all day. I still love him. Can't you tell. Well another TV night and sleep and a rainy day to come for reading on the couch. Sweet dreams. Comments appreciated.

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