Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Second Chance


On July 14 2007 I suffered a severe life threatening allergic reaction to a medication mixed w/caffeine. It was the longest few hours I have ever spent fighting for my life. With the help and love of a true friend I managed to pull through magicly. I had thought I would either be braindead in an institution or suffering a gruesome painful death. Something happened that day.
I was given a second chance at life and living it right and purely in the way of the buddha.
I had put things in my body that my body did not like and the attacks I have are a way of my body shouting at me. So I am humbled by this experience and the love and friendship my friend Eric showered me with during our few days together.
Thank You Eric-je for helping save my life.
Someone Saved My Life Today....
Sunamizen

Friday, July 13, 2007

People Get Hurt In The Dark

Communication. It is really an essential part of any relationship. I don't like to be left in the dark. With a break in communication there is no connection to the truth. Fear may be responsible for the walls that are erected. I have spent most of my life talking and trying to get men to talk about their feelings and emotions. It is stressful. Many men think women ask too many questions and think too much. Men say they are The Doers. Women the Analyzers. I don't know. All I do know is without communication we have nothing. Just tension and insecurity.
Today I walk alone like the man in the photo. The road is riddled with questions and choices and I am unable to see the clear solution to my dilemma. I am caught between that proverbial rock and the hard place. A woman is giving away a three room tent. It has my name on it.
Possibly I may live in it for a time. Do the Jeremiah Johnson routine as a cleansing ritual.
To teach me how to Let Go of my secure home and stop letting fear stop me from trying new things.
Have A Sunny Day
Sunamizen

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Artists Paint Portraits for Families of Fallen Soldiers:Project Compassion

http://mfile.akamai.com/21772/wmv/gannett.download.akamai.com/21772/streaming/wmv/hancockportraits.asx
By Rachael TolliverSpecial to American Forces Press Service

FORT KNOX, Ky., Dec. 12, 2006 – Kaziah Hancock, an artist and patriot in Manti, Utah, has put her professional life on hold as a result of channel-surfing on the radio.
Kaziah Hancock is a professional artist from Manti, Utah. She now devotes all of her work to painting portraits, for free, of U.S. military personnel killed in the Middle East. Now, she devotes most of her time to honoring American soldiers who have died in Middle East combat zones.
"I came across a talk show, and they were talking about the accomplishments and the life of James W. Kelly, of Salt Lake (City, Utah). It hit me. … I became a basket case," she explained in a phone interview with the Fort Knox newspaper. "He was a serviceman who had been killed in Iraq." At that moment, Hancock decided she wanted to paint a memorial portrait of each U.S. servicemember killed in the line of duty. "At the time, we had only been in Iraq for a short while, and we had lost 80 people," she said. "We were still expecting a short war." Hancock called a friend who owns an art gallery that regularly features her work and who had several "connections." "I told her I wanted to do a portrait for the families of the soldiers killed, and my friend said, 'Those from Utah?' I thought for about 15 seconds," she recalled. "And I said, 'No.' Is the one from Texas any less important to me? Or the one from New York? I told her I wanted to do them all. I wanted to paint the portraits for free, and ship … all of them."
Hancock's portraits normally range in price from $3,000 to $5,000. After the American Legion did a story about her special project for its magazine, 18 more requests came in. Hancock, whose career as an artist is on hold because she has devoted all her time to this one mission, said she had $5,000 in the bank, and found herself kneeling in prayer and asking God for help. "Then, I just kept going," she said. "After (painting) 33 of them, I got the idea to form a non-profit (organization) and people could express their patriotism, donate to this cause, and even get a tax deduction. It's mostly the average person who has contributed to the memory of our service people." The organization she founded is called Project Compassion, Hancock said.
Other artists contributing to the memorial effort include Ann Marie Oborn, JoAnn Musser, Lane Bradey and Clancy DaVries, all of whom volunteer their time and talent and work only for the cost of their materials. Although she is always looking for artists who want to help, Hancock screens applicants to make sure that they will fit in as "one of the family." DeVries is a veteran of the Korean War, where he served in the Navy. "I read about Kaziah in an issue of the American Legion magazine," he recalled. "I called her and told her I would like to try some portraits. She said she had six artists who wanted to participate and she had not heard from anyone. I told her she would hear from me.” "(Painting the portraits) is rewarding because of the people," he said. "I familiarize myself with the soldier, go on the Web, read letters and other correspondence, so I know (the soldier) fairly well. The hardest part is letting go and sending the portrait off." When a family accepts the organization's offer, they are asked to send a large selection of photographs and correspondence from the soldier so the artists can familiarize themselves with the soldier. DeVries is working on his 95th portrait.
The Detimples, of Morrisville, Pa., are among the hundreds of families that have received portraits. Their son, Army Pfc. Nathaniel Detimple, was an infantryman with the 28th Infantry Division, of the Pennsylvania National Guard. He was one of three soldiers killed Aug. 9, 2005, when the Humvee in which they were riding ran over an improvised explosive device. "About six months later, February or so, we got a letter from Ms. Hancock explaining the portrait and what to do if we wanted one," said Kim Detimple, Nathaniel's mother. "Our Nat was 19. He joined the National Guard while he was still in high school. Staten (Nat's younger brother) did the same thing and joined in his junior year of high school. We just came back from Fort Knox where Staten just graduated from school. He is in the cavalry." Kim said, and Glen, Nat's father, agreed, that Hancock's portrait, "caught him. She captured him -- his smile and his facial expressions." "The most important thing (in the portrait) is that she captured my son," Kim continued. "She is a humble person, and that is what struck me. She remembers all of the families, not just our Nat, but all our sons."
Hancock said she thinks of these paintings as hugs. When she dies, she said, there will be pieces of her heart spread out all across the globe. "That says Kaziah cared about these soldiers," she said. "I think about all I have lost (and how I felt), and I think of those mothers who have lost their sons and daughters," she said. "We have sent the best blood we have in our name. If art is good, it should do some good."

Bailey Staab.....A friends new Dawg!! Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!


If Women Controlled The World...


Tuesday, July 10, 2007

MMmmmmmmm....made a velly gewt vegetarian all me-grown dindin for meself...
Squash, zuke, scallion, homegrown garlic, carrots, potatoes, brown rice, fresh basil, parsley, realsalt, canola oil and organic eggy-wegg......okay i didnt grow the rice or potatoes but i did grow the rest....
Fatso Burp

Me today....
Save The Bones For Henry Jones Cuz' Henry Don't Eat No Meat!
Pointer Sisters
"Rather, then, than the stars ruling the life, the life should rule the stars. For man was created a little bit higher than all the rest of the whole universe, and is capable of harnessing, directing, enforcing the laws of the universe.”
EDGAR CAYCE READING (5-2)
What's it all about? Re-establishing balance....sanity? Mebbe. Grieving over losses. Accepting my body's apparent limitations...regretfully. I thought I could Do-It-All. 24-7. Non-stop. Fever pitch pace. I was raised that way. You were lazy if you weren't doing sumptin'. Really fast..of course. Sorting through belongings and donating to others and selling what I can. Why do I give stuff to people? I don't know because they need it and I want them to have it. I am feeling thet Less IS More. Do I give them things so they will love me a little? Maybe. I'm a gifter.

Tossing chemical crap. No more makeup. Humbling myself before God who seems to have hit me with a lightening bolt. Many times...yes. Did I listen...um--no? Is that the right answer? They all are. Am I shaky? Yes. Am I sad? Yes. Am I lonely? Yes. Am I scared..oh-yeah. Am I alone? Aren't we all? Really. Wherever you iz...there you are. If you have someone that lubbs you..does it help? Of course. Have I confused lust and physical closeness and sex with love? Maybe. Haven't we all? Do I miss the loving? Yes badly. Do I need it to BE? No. As I sort and hang pictures and re-align with me and listen to music that makes me cry..I feel a healing starting to occur. A sort of re-balancing of my inner vortex. I have had to ask for help from friends and boy is that humiliating for me. I have always done it all. Supermama. I also am so damn IMPATIENT like my family. My mom is like that....when she wants something done..man.

The neighbor picks on me if I don't keep up with the garden. He doesn't know how I am feeling as I look okay(Invisible Illness)....25lbs less of course. 132. A reed of a girl. He is 85 and is up at 4am and out in the yard. Working the gardens I always did. Does it hurt? Oh My God..talk about pain. Am I frozen inside. Yes very much so. Fear. Am I angry? Yes sirree bob but it is lessening and the tears are coming. The Big Thaw. My best friend Carol has found her soulmate. I miss her. She has a new best friend. With a penis ta boot. Lucky girl. Lovemaking can heal. I know this. I like Steve..he is great. I'm very happy for them. They have a home on lake Champlain now and 2 campers..2 vehicles...money..stuff...love....friendship....security. Do I feel secure? No. Not at all. But I know that I can do this. This new life. Do I have a choice? No. Not at all. Is that what is bothering me? Yes I MIGHT be a control freak. Putting a harness on me is not an easy job. I'm a stubborn old coot. So anyways I am here.
What is left of this strong woman who has battled illness her whole life?
Her soul. Her sweetness. Her achy breaky heart. Her shaky quaky body.
Sunami-je

"You have not lived a perfect day unless you have done something for someone who will never be able to repay you."

Monday, July 9, 2007

Beware of Sea salt if MSG/Phosphate Allergic...........
http://www.limafood.com/lima/EN/documents/halsfolderzeezout.pdf

I have suffered for a week after eating PURE unadulterated LIMA sea salt. I was panic stricken as the label said NO Additives. I then thought I was allergic to ALL salt. I had been told to buy REALSALT by my mentor which I did but was afraid to even try it. I found the site where the ingredients were in Portuguese under column D and they Bleached it (with what?).....added Tri-calcium phosphate (a fertilizer and soap at the hardware store) and magnesium silica. Phosphate is my worst allergen. I am a detective for www.truthinlabeling.org but I am so tired of being zapped.
Today I had an egg and rice. I should be okay. It will take another week to remove the toxic burning goo out of my body. I know you are all tired of hearing this stuff but I am alos tired of being lied to and then paying the price. Last time I got this allergen I could not move for 2 weeks.

Beware of "Sea salt" Labels

On the labels of many packaged food, in supermarkets as well as health food stores the name "sea salt" appears often. Reading this, we feel safe and reassured, thinking that when it comes to the salt part of the ingredients, all is fine...
But All Is Not Fine!
This supermarket or health food store "sea salt" has been totally refined. At its origin, it may have come from the sea, but:
It has been harvested mechanically from dirt or concrete basins with bulldozers and piped through metal conduits;
Put through many degrading artificial processes;
heated under extreme heat levels in order to crack its molecular structure;
Robbed of all of its essential minerals that are essential to our physiology;These elements are extracted and sold separately to industry. Precious and highly prized by the salt refiners, these bring more profits than the salt itself.
Further adulterated by chemical additives to make it free- flowing, bleached, and iodized.
To call what remains "sea salt" would be quite misleading.In addition, harmful chemicals have been added to the processed, altered unnatural substance to mask and cover up all of the impurities it has. These added chemicals include free flowing agents, inorganic iodine, plus dextrose and bleaching agents.


Standard salt additives: Potassium-Iodide (added to the salt to avoid Iodine deficiency disease of thyroid gland), Sugar (dextrose as form of msg)(added to stabilize Iodine and as anti-caking chemical), Aluminum silicate. Tri-calcium phosphate. Sodium Bicarbonate.

Sunday, July 8, 2007

Can't breathe? Blogitout...okay I'm alone and I came home and put food away. I used all my $129 to but food and mostly juicing stuff...carrots-celery-apples-kale-beets-ginger-parlsey..
So I clean up and feel better. Make myself a BIG gulp of juice....about an hour later my chest starts swelling up left side so that I could not breathe...filled w/fluid...like a bag of ice under my breast..i got panicky oh yeah....paced around....wheezing..went on oxygen...called a friend who was sleeping (oops)...went online and read about celery allergy..apparently if u are allergic to Birch(I am..but of course) you are allergic to--GET THIS-apples-carrots-celery....who knew??
So all the food I bought I cannot eat....I dont think u can return veggies....I tink I can eat the beets...I got eggs! I guess I will have to go to the organic farm down the road and get some meat...
cash now...after all the food stamps for the month are gone. I think my friend O had said 2007 was going to be a really bad year for Virgos way back when things were rough between us. He was right....I am allergic to everything. One site said maybe vitamic c would help but I cant take it...so I'm on my own....time to pace a bit more...anxious..tense..can't relax when u can't breathe...
Is this what my life is going to be like???
Did I do something wrong?
I've been allergic out of the womb???
I just don't have any answers..I think I need to live near the ocean.
Live At The O2 Tank
Sunami

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

I Thought It Would Be Easier To Ask For...


Asking For Help

Sometimes it is difficult to ask for help. We prefer to solve problems on our own. Most of the time we are able to do so, using the resources we already have: family, friends and community. We all have 'ups and downs.' We all have normal grief at the death of a loved one and normal concerns about our children.

However, occasionally, life piles on too many stresses at once. Circumstances may overwhelm our usual coping skills. A normally 'good kid' may start going bad. You or a loved one may lose a job. You may suffer a prolonged or difficult illness. Stress may weaken your body's defenses, disrupting your sleep, appetite or zest for life. You may not feel comfortable discussing the problem with friends or family.

It is hard to ask help from a stranger. Asking for help may make you feel vulnerable or ashamed. A good mental health therapist should help you feel at ease quickly and remind you that you have every right to pursue all avenues to feeling better. Needing help is not a moral weakness. In fact, all of us have a responsibility to seek help for our own sake and the sake of our loved ones. There are many barriers to seeking help, but the first usually resides in our own reluctance to ask for assistance.

Another barrier is the concern 'what will people think of me?' We worry: 'What if my boss finds out?' 'What will the neighbors think?' It is true that many people are uncomfortable around issues of mental upset or stress. For the most part, our culture expects us to be rugged individualists, solving our own problems and riding off into the sunset in a ruggedly individualistic way. That is a fine approach, if we have the resources to solve the problem.

Of late I have "gritted my teeth and bowed my head" and asked for help. I have found that the people that come through are most often STRANGERS. Humility. Need. A medical probelm requiring assistance. The worst thing of all is "asking" after it has taken you quite some time..and hearing "Dead silence" on the end of the phone. The very worst. I remember asking my ex (Chuck) for help 2 yrs ago when due to RA could not use my hands. He said he liked to weed. I asked....DEAD SILENCE. I have been charging credit cards and paying for help this week so as not to ask for help. I see that this will be what I have to do from now on no matter how much I have helped others in the past...when someone says "Hey I'll Help You" I actually believe them. Hey "Give Me A Call If You Need Help"....I've called but there was always an excuse...after I helped someone w/their hip surgery-took their dog-cleaned their moldy-dusty-rat infested home for free....brought their dog to the hospital. Picked them up at the hospital.....
Where are they now???
Silly me....Gullible Me!
I will "Do It All" myself even if it kills me from now on.
This way I don't have to feel bad.
Sunami Blooping

Monday, July 2, 2007

Okay.....Klonogooping This Week...Temporarily Disconnected


HOME AND STRONG WOMAN UNDER CONSTRUCTION

Keep yourselves busy while I yam hurtily healing and air trafic controlling several endeavors simultaneously from the careening cockpit of my soul's centrifugal constellation...without sleep......I use big words I get points?!
June 28-July 4

Aries: (March 21-April 19):There aren't enough hours in the day for you to get everything handled. Luckily your energy level is high enough to deal with it, but part of you longs for more peace and quiet. Split between the demands of others and the demands you place on your self there has to be some kind of balance. Setting boundaries and saying 'No' once in a while are both permissible. If your partner is bitching about the fact that their needs aren't being met, let them know that it's about time they figured out how to take care of themselves.

Taurus: (April 20-May 20): If you're wondering how things got to be this complicated I'm here to tell you, you engineered this crisis your self. What you have a hard time seeing is that one of your favorite tricks is manufacturing emergencies just so that you can get the credit for being the one who steps in and saves the day. The reason no one's coming around to help you out of this mess is because they are sick and tired of feeding into your machinations. This is your baby now. And hopefully, saving the day will teach you never to do it again.

Gemini: (May 21-June 21): Certain things are beginning to make more sense. The people you've been trying to heal are sicker than you imagined and your efforts to fix them have drained all of your resources. Nothing will change until you stop feeding into their issues and start taking better care of your self. Helping others often does nothing but make them weaker and that's what's happening here. As soon as you release the need to save them from themselves they will either wake up or show their true colors once and for all.

Cancer: (June 22-July 22): If you've got something to say it's safe to come out and say it. Those who before could have faulted you for telling it like it is, wouldn't even dare to at this point. As you make the facts known more than one thing could blow up, but you've known for a long time how precarious things are. Getting things out in the open will be a relief. Even if your reputation goes down the tubes what comes out of that will loan others a more truthful perception of who you really are and give them a chance to see what they did.

Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22): You've strengthened your position by giving your self more than one option. If it seems as if playing both ends to the middle requires some level of dishonesty don't get too puritanical about it. Taking care of our selves often involves doing what's expedient and it's stupid to be honest with people who aren't being totally honest with you. It'll be interesting to see what comes out of this. Separating the wheat from the chaff is essential to your growth right now. You'll know who's for real and who isn't within two months.

Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):The last few months have taught you a lot about your own strength. What you had to spend years pretending wasn't true has suddenly revealed it self to be more real than the lie you forced your self to agree to. Reclaiming your power came at a high price. Now that you have it back nothing can stop you. Others are freaking out about this. Don't be surprised when they come around soliciting your favor, but don't get sucked in. The ball's in your court right now and you have the power to do anything you want with it.

Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23):The fears that keep you from moving forward have been following you around since you were a child. If people and situations don't seem to be responding to your efforts, it's because all of your early programming conditioned you to expect nothing. That was then and this is now. Tell your inner child to relax and tell the adult in you to start acting its age. You don't need to keep feeding the notion that it's your job to diminish your self, or continue with any involvement that offers you no reward.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): Things appear to be going nowhere. What you thought was meant to be has suddenly turned into the last thing you want to do. You're discovering that waking up may be even harder than breaking up. Why the two always seem to go together is one of life's greatest tricks. Try not to be rattled by any of this. What you're beginning to see is that all of your choices have been made according to someone else's plan. Reconnecting with the things that matter to you will involve rocking the boat, but you have no choice.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21):You have no clue how you're going to pull this off. There was a time when you had enough financial padding to insulate you against anything. Now that it's gone, you are here learning how to trust the universe to show you the way. If the things that you're involved in don't seem to be offering you enough certainty, you can comfort your self knowing that at some point they will weave themselves into a support system that will provide you with everything you need, including what money can't buy.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Everything is coming to a head and you're the one who has to handle it. With this much going on you can't even try to think or plan. All of these dilemmas are beyond your control. The best you can do is just stay in the moment and realize that as gnarly as this looks it will all eventually get straightened out by who or whatever's really in charge. What's puzzling you more than anything is why you always wind up being the one to manage everything when it's really other people who created the problem.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Anyone else would be perfectly satisfied with your life exactly the way it is. What you can't figure out is why this just isn't doing it for you anymore. You've got other ways to approach your life. If you don't already know what they are, start dreaming. Making any kind of change affects every other aspect of our reality. Right now there are a million and one reasons to leave your relationship. The philosophical differences alone would make anyone else be gone by now. Don't get too hung up trying to make this work.

Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20): Your insecurities and fears are all over the place. You keep trying to put on a happy face when the truth is you're freaking out on more than one level. We all go through this. Instead of running away, at least try to tell the truth about it and stop criticizing your self for being human. So many things need to change. Part of you knows this and another part of you isn't sure whether or not you will survive if they do. You really don't have a choice right now. Postponing the inevitable won't make things easier.





Sunday, July 1, 2007

Hey......What Does He Know About Knot Eating??


Nuttin' Honey

Screw The Results

Relish The Process

A Tortured soul, bound by her own emotions....


Wont You Come Share My Bubble???

I need your help. It wouldn't be easy. I'm a chemical cripple now.
Let the sunshine in please.
Let The Sunshine In.
Sunamizen

Healing Is Like Peeling An Onion......

ZEN NOW

ZEN WILL BE BACK....