My Good Friend Eric Made The Headlines

From "'Use Me'":

"The voice that answered was calm and sweet beyond description. 'You have the strength. All you have to do is use it. I am here. I am with you. Use Me.'

"I was born again that day. From that moment, the compulsion was lifted. In the eleven years since, I have found in sobriety what I was searching for in the bottle. I wanted peace; God gave me peace. I wanted acceptance; God accepted me. I wanted to be loved; God assured me that He loved me."

Love
Apr 23, 2008 to Apr 25, 2008

You're torn between a) walking away, and b) asking them to elope immediately. Seeing as there's a bit of a discrepancy between these options, take the night to sleep on it.

I Have Had To Stop Drinking Alcohol and Less Coffee

My stomach has had gastritis off and on and I finally am unable to drink alcohol. I have spent 3 nights w/a heating pad on my belly nauseous and have had enough. The coffee has been harder. I tried this morning bu had two cups. Yesterday one. Tomorrow one. Eventually none of each. We hear messages from our bodies yet close our ears frustrated that we cant do something others can. People seem to enjoy coffee so much as i did and alcohol....who doesn't drink? It's a lonely life without going to bars and socializing but with my stomach in this condition I cannot.
A man wants to marry me. He is a very good man. He will be behind me with anything good for me. I am blessed really. My grammy chewed rolaids night and day like I am. She could not stop her coffee. Can I? Will I? Stay tuned. Maalox-Mylanta and Me-a great CD. I am staying calm as it helps my belly. I had avocado and toast and a grilled cheeses sandwich followd by a chicken thigh I could have avoided(greasy). More maalox. I don't know how to eat with this. Prolly oatmeal and cereal. I will have to get some milk and kashi. Use cheese for protein. Chamomile tea is helping. Honey. Sleep meds keep me calm. My teeth hurt from caries. I'm afraid to go to the dentist as I can't stand pain. Feeling as I am. Book sale today made $9. Calm Day.
Sunamizen

Me and Men

I have boundary issues with men. Or maybe that's not quite right. To have boundary issues one must have boundaries in the first place, right? But I disappear into the person I love. I am the permeable membrane. If I love you, you can have everything. You can have my time, my devotion, my ass, my money, my family, my dog, my dogs money, my dogs time-everything. if I love you, I will carry for you all your pain. I will assume for you all your debts( in every definition of the word). I will protect you from your own insecurity. I will project upon you all sorts of good qualities that you have never cultivated in yourself and I will buy Xmas presents for your entire family. I will give you the sun and the rain, and if they are not available, I will give you a sun and a rain check. I will give you all this and more, until I get so exhausted and depleted that the only way I can recover my energy is by becoming infatuated with someone else. This is how it's always been. I am not proud to say.
From Eat, Pray and Love by Elizabeth Gilbert

Mother Of The Skye

Aries: (March 21-April 19): Disagreements are helping you sort out your differences. If the fur is flying I wouldn't be surprised. These upsets are clearing the air. When it's all over you'll be blessed with a whole new understanding of your selves and each other. Your problems may appear to be bigger than they actually are. As you return to balance, you will see that all of this should have come out a long time ago. The extent to which you have procrastinated will determine how much BS you have to plough through to get even.

Taurus: (April 20-May 20): The signs are everywhere. If you don't pay attention to what's going on you'll just keep moving forward with blinders on. Carrying on as if life is just a bowl of cherries denies the fact that it's far from that. When one thing after another keeps showing you that you have to rearrange everything you can't continue with the same old ideas and reference points. This whole experience is teaching you that there's no way to avoid looking at all of the things that you thought were real and have turned out not to be.

Gemini: (May 21-June 21): Have enough consideration to know that others can't live with your inconsistencies as well as you can. Too much scattering of energy creates stress for everyone around you. And while it's great that you think you're so good at handling everything, what you don't see is that your way of doing it just doesn't work. A crash course in keeping it simple would help right now; barring that, the best you can do is lose the need to get everyone around you to pick up the slack when things spin out of control.

Cancer: (June 22-July 22): You're in the mood to pull a disappearing act. That wouldn't be a bad idea. Since you're not quite sure whether your presence even matters, you've got nothing to lose by finding out if absence will make the heart grow fonder. Aside from the confusion you've got going on around your career goals, your love life is also a question mark. If you could stay here you would but you're beginning to wonder about the fact that your partner seems to be all about them; and this lack of reciprocity is no fun at all.

Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22): It's a good thing you have the patience for this. Anyone else would have been out of here a long time ago. You could be right in assuming that what you're willing to put up with now will make things easier for you in the long run. It's hard to say. Too many things are changing for you to project too far into the future. What you really need to be thinking about is what you will do if this doesn't pan out. It's a wise person who knows enough to have more than one ace in the hole. Diversifying your options wouldn't hurt.

Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Instead of obsessing about what you did or didn't do, try to be here in the moment. When we rethink everything we've ever done it only keeps us stuck in the past. You can't expect your future to look any different than what's already happened if you keep those old pictures alive. That was then and this is now, my dear. What you really need to be looking at is where you're at with your self and what you want out of your relationship. Now that the scenery has changed both of you have to deal with that.

Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): If you weren't so stubborn you'd see that you can't keep pushing this rock up a hill and not expect it to roll right down one more time. How many times do you need to keep repeating this pattern before you get what it's all about? Persistence doesn't always pay off. Sometimes it's better to drop everything and start all over again someplace else. Most of your stubbornness comes from the fear that if you step out of line you'll lose everything. What if the exact opposite is true? There's only one way to find out.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): You've had a few disappointments and may be feeling a little down. As soon as you realize that all of this has been for the best, you'll snap out of it. You have an amazing ability to let things go once you know that it's time. There are so many things that need to start over again and a lot of anxiety over what this means. Don't get down on your self for having to reinvent your life and work your way up. Looking on the bright side will require you to pull your self together and move forward one step at a time.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Things are looking pretty weird and you're more conscious of it than usual. It's no reflection on you that those close to you our out of their minds! Let everyone iron out their differences without dragging you into it. It may be time to reveal confidential information, but reflect on how people will react if you do. Even though you want to get things out into the open, others may be better off not knowing, or finding out for them selves. Be discreet. Saying too much is bound to get you into a big mess.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): You need to start thinking about how you want things to go and begin convincing your self that it's possible. Waiting for someone else to come up with a plan is naïve. It seems likely that they don't know what's needed or are too weak to make a stand. It's usually the case that people use what's socially acceptable as their yardstick. If you do that, you might as well nail your self into a coffin! As far as your relationships go take the eclectic route. There's no need to follow the rules; and you'll be happier if you don't.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Someone's trying to control you. Either that or they're treating you like a kid. It's easy to let others make all your decisions for you but giving your power away is another story. Going along with the program may make sense in some cases. If you follow your heart you'll draw attention to things that you'd rather keep secret. The next few months will be full of surprises. Hidden motives on the part of others are an issue. Stay in the moment with every decision and let your instincts tell you what to do.

Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20): You have just gotten out of a really tight spot. So many things are at risk for now you'd be wise to remain as calm and diplomatic as possible. You made enough mistakes to know that one more could do you in. When relating to others it's important to be friendly but you don't necessarily need to tell them everything. From a cosmic perspective you're in the middle of a 180-degree turn. Keep that in mind as your life swings back and forth and don't try too hard to hang onto anything that isn't working

Step Four: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

"But in A.A. we slowly learned that something had to be done about our vengeful resentments, self-pity, and unwarranted pride. We had to see that every time we played the big shot, we turned people against us. We had to see that when we harbored grudges and planned revenge for such defeats, we were really beating ourselves with the club of anger we had intended to use on others. We learned that if we were seriously disturbed, our first need was to quiet that disturbance, regardless of who or what we thought caused it."

"This is not to say that all alcoholics are honest and upright when not drinking. Of course that isn’t so, and such people often may impose on you. Seeing your attempt to understand and help, some men will try to take advantage of your kindness. If you are sure your man does not want to stop, he may as well be discharged, the sooner the better. You are not doing him a favor by keeping him on. Firing such an individual may prove a blessing to him. It may be just the jolt he needs."
© 2001 AAWS, Inc., Fourth Edition;

From "Coincidence?":

"Only a block or so from the pier, I saw a man approaching from the opposite direction, with his head down, walking into the rain. When he came to me, he stopped and smiled, and I recognized him as a priest I knew from home. I told him I was very ill. He then sat on a bench with me in the rain and assured me that in time all my troubles would pass and the day would come when I would understand them. He said I was not to do anything foolish, but ask God’s help, and somehow everything would work out."

I Watched A Movie

It was all about heartbreak. It said that if your heart gets broken bad that it grows back if you give it enough time bigger and better than before. I'm counting on it.
Sunami

From "Tightrope":

"When I first came to this Fellowship, I had lost my health and sanity, my friends, much of my family, my self-respect, and my God. In the years since, all of these have been restored to me. I no longer have the sense of impending doom. I no longer wish for death or stare at myself in the mirror with loathing. I have come to terms with my Higher Power…."

I still drink but have slowed it down considerably as I see what happens
when I drink too much. I get emotional and sometimes angry.
I lose my judgement and do things I never would had I been sober.
It will be a long road sober If I choose it.
Tsunami

On Drinking My Favorite 5PM Habiit

Step Four: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

"The majority of A.A. members have suffered severely from self-justification during their drinking days. For most of us, self-justification was the maker of excuses; excuses, of course, for drinking, and for all kinds of crazy and damaging conduct. We had made the invention of alibis a fine art. We had to drink because times were hard or times were good. We had to drink because at home we were smothered with love or got none at all. We had to drink because at work we were great successes or dismal failures. We had to drink because our nation had won a war or lost a peace. And so it went, ad infinitum."

How I Was Raised.....

Has a lot to do with how fuckedup I am now. Please don't think it reflects on you. You are all princes .I am, each time my heart is shattered, taking longer and longer to put back together.This last time is not the worst but a bad one. Something died inside when he left. Me, my joy. I asked for a break he left me cold. I was raised in a split family where I was molested by my dad and verbally taunted by my mom, brother and cousin. I have never had self-esteem. I'm too much of this I'm too little of that.I never thought I'd get fat again. I thought I had banished that demon. Now its back. Perhaps it will go away as I am not eating much. Just know its all really ME not you all. I started out fucked up and it never went away. The drugs started in 99. They keep me almost normal. Sometimes.
Just know I love you all
Love Susan

Jokes

WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee. Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week. Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet , I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse."So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked."No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)I know I'm not going to understand women.I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

MARRIAGE SEMINAR While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes." He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........ so does she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)

WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Re latives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men... The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time. "The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

WHO DOES WHAT A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee. The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says .

"HEBREWS" The Silent Treatment A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she wou ld find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up." Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.....

It's the end of the ski season and work is few and far between. I had to buy my mom stretch stockings for $60 so I sold my snow shoes and I have a house clean friday. It seems like treading water at all times. Like I'm going to snap and go under. The bike went into the shop estimated at $50-80 for a tuneup and tire change. Wont be ready for 3 weeks so I need to walk. Michael is coming friday after work to go out to dinner and Sat a matinee and then talent show in Randolph if we make it. I am reading a book called Halfway House about a girl swimmer who had a nervous snap like I did. She is bipolar. Am I? I don't know. Nobody has diagnosed me other that PTSD.
I feel okay when I wake up and have coffee but then I feel wound up like a clock. I know quit the java. I can't seem to do it. So I take klonopin at 4 and 6pm and then again at bedtime. The only thing that helps me is massage. I must train my new boyfriend. I hope he is up to it. I will try to sleep beside him friday despite the snoring and maybe if I wait he will quieten down. I want love so badly. If he knew how I felt inside he'd understand as he is bipolar. I am lucky to have him as he understands me not being ok all the time. I read outside and took a walk with the dog. Every day I will go a tad farther. It is all uphill. Everywhere. I wrote peace on my truck in the dirt. It is time for a wash but they say it might rain so we shall see. Life is a bit boring but calm.
Sunamizen

Mother Of The Skye

Aries: (March 21-April 19): You thought you had everything all figured out; funny how things have changed. At this point you're having a hard time knowing whether you can even do this anymore. It would be easier if you weren't so rigid. This situation needs to be approached with an open attitude and a willingness to let others be who they are. If you keep trying to control their behavior just so you can feel safe and secure about your self, it will destroy whatever you're trying to maintain. This will clear up when you stop being so uptight.

Taurus: (April 20-May 20): Taking on more than you can handle says a lot for your positive attitude; but it's becoming clearer to you that this is just too much. When you laid out your plans you didn't take into account the fact that you're an emotional wreck. Hello? How do you expect to put on a happy face, let alone conquer the world, with what's going on inside you right now? You can't adjust your schedule, but fate may conspire to call the whole thing off. If this doesn't come together consider it a blessing; you need time to heal.

Gemini: (May 21-June 21): Life is not an endurance test. Now that you know you can't get what you want from this situation it's cleared the space for you to go looking elsewhere. At this point, things are loose enough for you to start all over again. Don't spend too much time wondering why things didn't work out. When the past is over, it's over - and you can't expect to resurrect things that have outlived their purpose. Part of you keeps thinking about what you could have done or could have said - but it's too late for that now.

Cancer: (June 22-July 22): The better things get the better things get. You're seeing how much your mood affects the way your life goes. If you think anything will go back to the way it used to be, trust me; as long as you keep your mind free of any thought that suggests you don't deserve this, it'll keep getting better. Others aren't quite sure about what's happening. They're a bit nonplussed by your enthusiasm. If they find it hard to believe that someone like you could be this lucky, maybe you should give them a lesson on how to be joyful.

Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22): You can't keep trying to stand on principle, even though you're right. You're dealing with people who don't recognize or respect you. Unfortunately, even though they have all the power in this situation, they are lacking in integrity. If you stick around trying to prove your point you won't get anywhere. It would be far better for you to cut your losses and move on. Think about what that could mean and try to imagine what it would be like to live and work with people who actually appreciate your true worth.

Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22):You're a little overwhelmed, but psyched about all these options and opportunities. Outwardly things couldn't be better and your gift for organization is helping you manage it all. In the back of your mind there are issues that still haunt your thoughts when you're quiet. It's a good thing your days are busy enough to distract you from what appears to be anger at those who haven't dealt fairly with you. Don't worry about evening the score. God has a way of taking care of these things. Let him do it.

Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): Those who cast you as a sweetie pie don't know about the iron hand in the velvet glove. Using pleasing behaviors to get what you want is a great strategy but it rarely works on people who are smart enough to see through all that stuff. Whoever you're dealing with won't be impressed with your games. They'll be more likely to go along with you if you show some sincerity and speak from your heart. Think about that and ask your self if you really want this or if you're just trying to do it to prove that you can.

Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): Things are never as difficult as we make them. If it all looks bad right now, it's probably because you're seeing it in its worst possible light. Your feelings are getting stirred up by fears that this won't change. When you talk you have a million reasons why it's your job to endure your situation when the truth is, you can walk out of here any time you want. If your heart had anything to say about this you'd be fine. Too bad your head trips have you thinking that it's better to be normal than it is to be at peace with your self.

Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): It looks like you're into a totally new thing, or you're getting back into something that you haven't done in a long, long time. Either way you're a little out of your element. Trying to act cool even though you don't have a clue what's going on is endearing you to those who have to watch you learn how to ride this bike again. Other things have turned a corner. The dynamics in your relationships are giving you second thoughts. Let things come out into the open before you decide what to do about them.

Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): After at least one year of procrastination, at last you're getting behind this. As yet there's no need to have it all come together overnight, but it wouldn't hurt to see how soon you can get things rolling. Others have invited you to join them or collaborate with them in some way. For someone who's used to being totally independent this will require you to adjust a lot of your behavior. In most situations you are the leader. This new set of circumstances will teach you a lot about letting others run the show.

Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18):: It's too bad you have to put up with other people's lies and total lack of self awareness. From your perspective everything looks totally different to you than it does to them. It's pretty clear that you're dealing with someone who is in too much denial to see anything for what it is. Making your influence felt won't happen if you keep codepending with their deeper issues. Once you see that all of your beliefs and ideals are being compromised by their lack of integrity, it won't be long before you blow this clambake.

Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20): Too many things have backed you into a corner for you to see anything objectively. These battle scars have made you so defensive you appear to be borrowing trouble where there is none. What you aren't allowing your self to see is that all the issues from the past don't even need to be part of this new scenario. Continuing the make them an issue will only stall the development of what could be fulfillment. Instead of clinging to the notion that you can't have what you want, try to see that it's right at your fingertips.

Scopes

All Aboard!
Venus Trine Uranus
Apr 10, 2008 to Apr 12, 2008

Finally, the world -- and the people around you -- are moving at a pace you're comfortable with. Sure, it's hectic, but at the moment, it suits you just fine. Just remember that getting them up to speed isn't the problem. Helping them to stay there is.

Love
Venus Trine Uranus
Apr 10, 2008 to Apr 12, 2008

Can you really meet the cutie of your dreams? Well, if you'd stop looking for loopholes, you could. Is this it? You bet.

Energy
Mars Sextile Jupiter
Apr 6, 2008 to Apr 10, 2008

You're going through an intense personal growth spurt. You'll notice it more when you're asked to do something you'd never have tried before -- and you pull if off with flying colors.

Career
Mercury Quincunx Jupiter
Apr 10, 2008

To say that you'll be walking a fine line won't quite do today's balancing act justice. Your best defense is to listen well and only speak when spoken to.

Sobriety

From "The Missing Link":

"Exactly how was I supposed to not drink if my girlfriend breaks up with me, or if my best friend dies, or even through happy times like graduations, weddings, and birthdays. They suggested I could just stay sober one day at a time. They explained that it might be easier to set my sights on the twenty-four hours in front of me and to take on these other situations when and if they ever arrived. I decided to give sobriety a try, one day at a time, and I’ve done it that way ever since."

Dear Abby

Dear Abby, I was married to Bill for three months and I didn't know he
drank until one night he came home sober

You Can Love Someone But Not Like Them

I learned this valuable lesson today.
Love, trust and respect all three comprise love.
I loved but did not nor do I trust or respect.
Lessons learned painfully.
Always so painfully.
Who needs more pain?
Cut The Tie Sugar Pie
He wants you weak and drunk so he can ridicule you the next day.
People that love do not operate like this. They want you healthy and strong.
He lies incesssantly until you don't know what the truth ever was?
Goodbye Bully.
Bully your child but not a sensitive soul like me.
Walk alone in your fears.
I will give no more hugs or help.
Sue-zen

Utterances Of A Man That Claims To Love Me

Pfttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt to that................................ Only Bullies demean another person...big mouth bullies.......Check this out------
Your a fat pig. talk about disgusting. and a totally judgmental bitch on top of it. No wonder why Mike and the rest of us ran! What an asshole. Tasked some more Klonopin and maybe that will help.. I sure doubt it, analytical ungrateful fattty! You should fuck Victor. He is about your level.
I also bought the booze you took home you friggin pirate!
My very best friend last night. what a total mistake. I hope not only that you don't come to the show, but that you move to Arizona as soon as possible. Vermont doesn't need another bitch living in it.

Luckily I love and respect myslef and as for Mike he is my boyfriend.
This person was in a BPD rage after I told him his home was a pigsty which it is. Rotting food in the freezer and all over the kitchen.
Bottles everywhere. Slime everywhere.

I have spent countless hours helping this man with his drum solo performance and am done.
The vodka I took home was the vodka I brought with me.
I spend money on gas food and booze every time I visit.
Not to mention my time. Usually about $50.
I had planned on going to the talent show and if i do it will be to see the others.
This man is terribly sick and alcoholic and I want nothing more to do with him.
I am lucky to have Mike
Sunamizen

My Scope

A great deal of attention will be centered on your emotions today, Suzy, although being centered in itself will be quite the challenge. You may feel like a yo-yo today - at the mercy of someone else's hand. Don't fall prey to victimization. Stand up for yourself even if it means that others are likely to get upset. You are responsible for your feelings and no one else's.

When you reach the end of your rope you will find the hem of His garment.....

I would rather live my life as if there is a God, and die to find out there isn't, than live my life as if there isn't, and die to find out there is.