Redneck Calamari

Girlfriends

ZEN is doing one thing at a time.

Thank You Scope

Your Horoscope for MAY 21, 2008
If your lifestyle is considerably different than others, resist feeling self-conscience about this today, Suzy. Try to remember that you chose the life you have for specific reasons. Even if you've come to a point where you are considering a change, there is no need to feel badly, ashamed, or embarrassed about where you're at now. Everyone has to make their own way, and if this conforms to the norm, that's fine. If it doesn't, that's fine too.

10 Days Sober

STEP FIVE: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
"More realism and therefore more honesty about ourselves are the great gains we make under the influence of Step Five. As we took inventory, we began to suspect how much trouble self-delusion had been causing us. This had brought a disturbing reflection. If all our lives we had more or less fooled ourselves, how could we now be so sure that we weren’t still self-deceived? How could we be certain that we had made a true catalog of our defects and had really admitted them, even to ourselves? Because we were still bothered by fear, self-pity, and hurt feelings, it was probable we couldn’t appraise ourselves fairly at all. Too much guilt and remorse might cause us to dramatize and exaggerate our shortcomings. Or anger and hurt pride might be the smoke screen under which we were hiding some of our defects while we blamed others for them. Possibly, too, we were still handicapped by many liabilities, great and small, we never knew we had.
"Hence it was most evident that a solitary self-appraisal, and the admission of our defects based upon that alone, wouldn’t be nearly enough. We’d have to have outside help if we were surely to know and admit the truth about ourselves—the help of God and another human being."

Wasup...............

Nothing much lately, the veggies are on the porch growing waiting to be planted, the lawn is mowed, primrose, tulips and daffodils are up, I fight with my belly over coffee in am, didnt sleep well last night.....coffee?? excitement?? visit by a friend who BLEW in and out, she had gone to hear music I would have loved but went alone me thinking she wanted to see if her EX was there. The sun is shining and it was supposed to rain. Was going to work on the attic. Is it too early to plant? They say so. Someone is burning something outside. Leaves. Brush. It smells bad the smoke in the air. Maybe the neighbor is burning trash. I'm alive and feel pretty okay. I meet with an owner in the afternoon. Bike is back from the shop. Might be the day to try it out.
We shall see. I lost a goood friend but he is too yo-yo. He drinks alot and when together I do too.
I have quit its been about a week. I feel much better.
Sunami

Conundrum

I'm in a conundrum of sorts. I have a health condition that despises coffee and alcohol. I am addicted to both. I know if I loved myself enough I would stop both but I don't. I am drooling ffom medication as well. Tommorrow I have the wax removed from my ears by my doc. What do I tell him? My miserable truth? I'm an addict. I can't stop. He's never going to want to hear that.
I only have 2 3 shot drinks a night but its enough to cause GERD. The coffee I have to stop in the am. The sedating meds I am on also cause GERD. Anything sedating. My knees blew up this am after I tried increasing my zyprexa. I just rub them and I can taste it. It moves to the sinus.
I'm very depressed lately and today did not even take off my PJS or shower. I used to shower twice a day! How do I go back to where I was? I just don't know. How to retrace my steps after being so ill to having joy. I have a friend who is ill and lost her joy that calls every two days. I don't know what to tell her. GERD can't have chokky, caffeine and booze plus fatty foods and onion. There is more. But these are the things that get me. I will try subbing chamo tea for coffee in the ayem. The booze I don't know if I can stop.
Sunami