Is she?....I am pretty much staggering around trying to figure out how to move with no help at all and so many things in my home triggering me. I just turned on the heat for a test just in case and the baked smell of dust made me feel sick. I figured I better turn it on once with the door and windows open to see if I smell any gas and I don't but there is a combustion odor there and the dust. I think the fried dust alone will kill my dust allergies. I just wanted to be sure If I got stuck here I would have heat. I will have to hide in my room. Turn it off a lot. I am trying to get back into Fletcher Allen if they can order some neo-nate liquid preservative free valium for me to taper off of the ativan that is making me sick. I have to call the doc monday. Chances are they will say I'm fine and can't come back but I want to do the crossover and taper in a hospital. Oh boy my eyes are stinging now. Better rinse them. Bog twee down in the yard. Don't know who to call. Got no money. if it weren't for the medication I might. Frustrating not to be able to just stop a medicaine. I have never liked being out of control. My friend eric said he would come today and help and stay over but alas he is not answering his phone. Does this mean he changed his mind or is he on the way? The former. It is wet out and I had a ride for him at 9am but he didnt get the phone. The nausea stopped and I was able to eat after awhile. I hope this is not every morning. I am going to try 2mg ativan am and 2mg pm. Maybe it will hold over better. I'm afraid to try the liquid valium I compounded as I do believe it made me velly ill. It cost $40 so just wanted to be sure but better keep it just in case. I am looking at homes and condos in Syracuse as I have no help here and my dog is there. People say they will help here but often they don't show and even oftener strangers help the most. If noone comes I will mask up and get the vehicle down to Aldermans Subaru and just buy a frigging car. I need a car. No really good upbeat thoughts. tried a baking soda toothpaste in am just a drop but it has MSG in it so bewarer the ayem. There is no safe toothpaste so might as well get rid of teeth eh?Its a mold spore smelling day outside and i wish I was in AZ......Why do such nice people have to suffer so while others have full and happy lives?
I'll never understand it.....maybe my time will come....or maybe it's just over.
Some days I just want to be a happy drunk again but then I say no...better not.
Love and Hope
Salami
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