Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Love, Trust And Respect

Without all these you cannot have a relationship with anyone.
I recently had another falling out with a man I love but don't trust and respect.
I picked him up at his home to spend some time and he was already quite "buzzed" on alcohol and cocky as hell. My tummy told me to go back home at that point but I didn't listen.
Then as we drove down the road his son was walking and I was forced to stop as his dad hurled the childs belongings at him-his DVD and his drum. It was heart breaking. I did not want to be a part of that. Then after shopping til 8pm the dad forced me to drive back into the dark, icy woods and go to a home where his son was staying as he hates his dad. To give them money to feed the boy. I did NOT want to do this. I was given NO CHOICE and I was starting to feel very unhappy. After dropping the money and getting a video I did not choose we made it to my home for dinner I made and drinking. Partying. Kissing. The next morning feeling like hell he started his day w/a strong bloody mary and a beer. I had coffee and breakfast. The drinks flowed and I received two phone calls from other men friends. As I was taking one and washing dishes my friend started acting really weird and jealous demanding hugs and attention when I was on the phone. It got worse. This man turned into needy man asking that I take care of him in a sexual way after I knew he had been with a strange woman the week before. I was not going to touch him. I dont go with anyone who hasn't been tested after a one niter. Things got worse as he demanded attention like a little child. It only made me run. I blew up at him finally and threw him out. To hitchhike home. But he wouldnt do that so evidently he called the police. They called me and asked me what was going on. I told them I had thrown him out as he was too drunk and upsetting. They asked me if I wanted a protection order as they breathalized him and he was way over the limit and they were having him stay overnight at Grace house a detox center. In the heat of the moment I said yes. I was going to drive him home or pay for a cab but it was $100 and I dont have that kind of money. He should have just hitchhiked home. Instead he ended up at the police barracks. I was distraught and did not sleep. Apparently he made it home as I got several emails from him. This man I have tried to love but he is crude and full of drama and becomes a monster with too much drink. He then brings out the monster in me. I cannot have a relationship with a man I don't trust and respect. The last week he fed his son tequila and he puked all over. Go figure. Then he went to Boston with a loser man who stole from him and tried to molest him(he said). His life is full of drama. He doesn't see that he is causing all this drama by drinking. He is blind. I feel so sad inside about him. I pity and love him but his behavior can be horrid. He does so many kind things but then he changes with too much drink. Me I pass out or have a blackout. I hope he is okay. I am mailing him his belongings that he left here. As soon as I have some money. Alcohol does funny things to some people. He barely eats now as his alcoholism makes him drink instead. I served a beautiful dinner and he would not get up and eat. He had done this another time. He lacks respect. Manners. I am heading to therapy to dissect this. Then to help a friend clean who broke her toe. I feel sad inside. My friend Mikes dad died and he is sad. Its a very sad day.

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