It's the end of the ski season and work is few and far between. I had to buy my mom stretch stockings for $60 so I sold my snow shoes and I have a house clean friday. It seems like treading water at all times. Like I'm going to snap and go under. The bike went into the shop estimated at $50-80 for a tuneup and tire change. Wont be ready for 3 weeks so I need to walk. Michael is coming friday after work to go out to dinner and Sat a matinee and then talent show in Randolph if we make it. I am reading a book called Halfway House about a girl swimmer who had a nervous snap like I did. She is bipolar. Am I? I don't know. Nobody has diagnosed me other that PTSD.
I feel okay when I wake up and have coffee but then I feel wound up like a clock. I know quit the java. I can't seem to do it. So I take klonopin at 4 and 6pm and then again at bedtime. The only thing that helps me is massage. I must train my new boyfriend. I hope he is up to it. I will try to sleep beside him friday despite the snoring and maybe if I wait he will quieten down. I want love so badly. If he knew how I felt inside he'd understand as he is bipolar. I am lucky to have him as he understands me not being ok all the time. I read outside and took a walk with the dog. Every day I will go a tad farther. It is all uphill. Everywhere. I wrote peace on my truck in the dirt. It is time for a wash but they say it might rain so we shall see. Life is a bit boring but calm.
Sunamizen
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