I always thought that I belonged in another century. It is my astute observation that the world is going way too fast for me. I feel like I have fallen off this "merry-go-round" and can't figure out how to get back on nor do I even know if I want to be. I have become a recluse of sorts. Burned by love, singed by illness, frustrated by doctors..just dog-eared and tired of the whole game. The bored game. Of LIFE. Get it? I meet men who want to date me and I feel nothing...blah-blah-blah they say. They try to touch me and I shrink away like a slug away from salt. Repulsed by mankind. Knowing all they want is to conquer my crevasse. Sorry. How to live in this world? I plan on isolating. Routine. Java-dog-read-hike-gym-food-piano-sleep.
I have yet to meet a human I can live with. My rommate now is the closest but still he drives me crazy at times maybe because I will NOT let him in. He tries in subtle ways non-sexually and it scares me. A man who has not showered at all for a month. For some reason paranoid of water.
We are all crazy. Once you let a friend touch you it changes things. I cannot let anyone touch me.
Maybe I'm still schtuck. My problem but a problem to be respected. This world is foreign. I wish I could speak w/my grandmother. What would love do now?
November 15 2007
1 comment:
Good Writing...
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