I will TRY not to use profanity but I am really about at the end of my mental anguish breaking braking point. I have taken a man into my home who had none and it has been a few weeks and I want my house back. I am selling and buying a home, getting my dog back, filling out mortgage apps, spending time w/a friend who I have no idea about other than that we are friends...I need some me time quickly as I am feeling a meltdown coming down the pike. I can't get drunk. smile, laugh I feel like I am on a bed of nails....I am being told not to talk i my own home as I spend hours on the computer and phone trying to get this man help. He is a mentally ill person and a good person. I cannot throw him out into the street. Could you? If you could then I don't want to know you. I don't need another persons problems I just got out of the loony bin myself. I am breathing. Deeply. I am contemplating living with someone yet I know I am definitely NOT READY nor maybe will I ever be. I am way too comforted with silence and enjoy time alone. I can't live with someone or their problems will become mine and I will go down again. I am having a Bloody Mary and a glass of wine and I feel nothing. Klonopin does nothing. I am NOT sleeping because of all this. I was not meant for a live in relationship nor was my grandmother.
I feel like Olive Oil when Bluto and Popeye were pulling her apart. I am eating like a PIG because of this. I may explode soon. After Victor is gone I am going on a vacation with myself. My dog and me. Bobby McGee. Where I do not know but the ocean sounds good. Maine or NH or MA. I will keep you updated.
Signing off pissy and crabby and fat
Miss Piggy
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