The "Mean" Gene

Pardon the profanity but I made my point. I'm of the opinion that everyone has a "Mean Gene" somewhere unless they are Mother Theresa or The Pope (could he be mean?) but either they have learned to Control It or they just Squelch It or they Try to keep it at bay but every once in awhile it just Esplodes. Bipolarly speaking. Pressure in this day and age is HUGE. People put pressure on themselves..drive faster you will be late.....bosses put pressure on employes to do a little more for a little less money....families put pressure on you unintentionally by expecting you to domesticate or be able to support yourself even through job loss and illness....pressure to be pwetty and slim comes at women from the media....pressure to make money is horrid.....pressure to perform!
People control us or try through fear, obligation and guilt. People manipulate each other unintentionally. I don't think anyone that BLOWS UP and acts MEAN really wants to be that way in fact they probably feel bad right away. Maybe they just had a bad day or a bad hemmhoroid that day! Pardon the spelling. Maybe they are in a lot of pain and cannot take the day off. Maybe they just need a little help and have noone to turn to? Mebbe they just need a hug? I don't know. My dad was cruel...my brother can be cruel...my mom can be a tad mean....my nieces also have confessed to having a mean streak...I do. I think abused people have a shorter fuse or a lower threshhold for abusiveness or cruelty,frustration and stress. Maybe they strike back out of habit. Like shielding yourself from blows for so many years you tend to still do it. It doesn't mean you're mean. It just means you're scared. But then there are really mean people and they do suck...here are some TIPS on managing mean people in times of stress.......

Whether it is a person who cuts in line, the busy doctor who answers too curtly, or the drivers’ license clerk who berates you for letting your license expire, some people can worsen your already stressful day, if you let them. As caregivers, we interact with a huge variety of people. Most of them are supportive and compassionate. Yet sometimes, too often on our toughest days, we encounter people who are downright mean!

Managing Mean People
These 10 tips will help you manage the bah-humbuggers:

Evaluate the situation carefully. Is the person actually mean? Or is it possible your stressful circumstances have you looking at the world through not-so-rosy glasses? Is your current mental state possibly making you less tolerant and affecting how you perceive others?
Strive to diffuse the anger or negative attitude; do not escalate it. Ignore the offense; don't acknowledge it.

Smile and look the mean person in the eyes. That throws him or her off guard. It's hard to be grumpy when someone is smiling at you.

Extend your hand to shake his or hers. Touch is a great tranquilizer.

Give them the benefit of the doubt. “Mary, I know you didn't mean to say that in a way that made me feel...”

Get him or her to say “yes” three times. Answering questions with a positive response makes it difficult to stay negative. “Is this the place where I can find help to...”

Find something positive to say. Sometimes people are mean because they've had a tough day or others have been mean to them. Break the cycle. Acknowledge the difficulty they may have had. “It must be hard to do so many things at once, and yet you seem to manage it all.”

Ask his or her name and use it often. Then ask for what you need, kindly. “Steve, I know you can help me, and I am so grateful. Can you please...”

Use “I” statements, instead of using blameful language. “When you treat me that way, I feel...” Avoid “you” statements, such as “You did this or that...”

If the above techniques are not effective, firmly say, “This is inappropriate. To whom shall I speak to register a complaint?”

“You catch more bees with honey than vinegar.”

When you diffuse anger and offer kindness, everybody wins—especially you. You didn't let them spoil your day!