From "A Practical Philosophy":
"We simply stop messing in God’s business. And in my opinion, when we stop messing and stop worrying, we have turned our will and our lives over to God (or Good) as we understand (or don’t understand) Him. – San Jose, California, USA"
Thursday, January 31, 2008
I Am Suzie, An Alcoholic Trying To Recover
From "The Three Legacies of Alcoholics Anonymous":
"In the first years, those of us who sobered up in A.A. had been grim and utterly hopeless cases, almost without exception. But now younger folks began to appear. Lots of people turned up who still had jobs and homes and health and even good social standing. These in their turn were able to persuade others like themselves of the need for A.A. Of course it was necessary for these types of newcomers to hit bottom emotionally. But we found they did not have to hit every possible bottom there was in order to admit that they were licked.… When one of these mild cases arrived at the conviction that he already had the principal symptoms of alcoholism that was usually enough. He 'hit bottom' then and there and so was spared years of anguish."
© 2001 AAWS, Inc.; Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, pg. 199
***************************************
I find myself attempting to have a drink in order to feel like my old drinking self but each time I try it fails. I feel sick to my stomach.
This shows the allergy aspect of alcohol. People have many addictions not only alcohol. It is when the addiction is controlling you that you have to take a long, hard look at it. I'm guilty of loving coffee. But still I find it less dangerous than other addictions. I keep alcohol in my home to prove I have the strength to resist it. It's kinda fun.
Tsunami
"In the first years, those of us who sobered up in A.A. had been grim and utterly hopeless cases, almost without exception. But now younger folks began to appear. Lots of people turned up who still had jobs and homes and health and even good social standing. These in their turn were able to persuade others like themselves of the need for A.A. Of course it was necessary for these types of newcomers to hit bottom emotionally. But we found they did not have to hit every possible bottom there was in order to admit that they were licked.… When one of these mild cases arrived at the conviction that he already had the principal symptoms of alcoholism that was usually enough. He 'hit bottom' then and there and so was spared years of anguish."
© 2001 AAWS, Inc.; Alcoholics Anonymous Comes of Age, pg. 199
***************************************
I find myself attempting to have a drink in order to feel like my old drinking self but each time I try it fails. I feel sick to my stomach.
This shows the allergy aspect of alcohol. People have many addictions not only alcohol. It is when the addiction is controlling you that you have to take a long, hard look at it. I'm guilty of loving coffee. But still I find it less dangerous than other addictions. I keep alcohol in my home to prove I have the strength to resist it. It's kinda fun.
Tsunami
How Dare You?
Today I awoke to a horrid email from a FRIEND? I had just had a wonderful conversation with the day before. Accusing me or my family of commenting on his BLOG about his lack of presence in his childresn lives. Neither of which was true. The comment must have come from one of his wronged women. This opened my eyes to how YOYO alcoholics can be. One minute they are your friend and the next they hate you. Borderline alkies I mean. I don't need the DRAMA.
I have brought this man truckloads of my belongings to furnish his home thrice and driven him wherever he neede to go to get rid of rotting trash and bottles and to retrieve kids from rehab or buy groceries in NH. I don't need this anymore.
Today I brought Victor the rest of his belongings and bought him a coffee pot and took him to the Back Home Again for coffee. I will make some calls as he cannot call out to find out about his stocks. He treats me very nicely. There is no vile evil language just friendship. Taurus man.
Very gentle.
I was reminded by a dear friend that :
++It seems that the good parts of Eric are not worth suffering the bad ones.
++Well, regardless of who left the comment....messages come to us from the Universe and often they come through other people. If we choose to "kill the messenger" then we will continue on as cowards, blaming everything on everyone else (the classic Borderline M.O.) and never learning the lessons the Universe intended for us. But there is only so long you can go on avoiding the truth about yourself, until the Universe says "OK we've had enough, it's time for a serious wake-up call".So if Eric has gotten this far without a strong enough wake-up call, he's about due for one. Sometimes being smart is a curse, as it makes one believe that he can outwit everyone, effectively protecting and hiding the very parts of himself that must change. Learning humility is an amazing process--it's totally transformed my world and people actually LIKE me now, rather than simply tolerating me. I don't know what you will do when he comes down off his negative tirade and wants to apologize to you again. I would be very cautious about letting him back into your life. You are obviously a trigger for his deeper issues and he is projecting them onto you (trying to kill the messenger) instead of making changes. He can either continue on the way he is and lose every friend he makes, or he can grow up and take responsibility for his life, address the anger/abuse issues & stop blaming others. Either way, it's not your problem.
Be happy, healthy, sane and sober
THANK YOU for that letter my dear friend.
It helps me see what is before my eyes.
Madness.
Sunami
I have brought this man truckloads of my belongings to furnish his home thrice and driven him wherever he neede to go to get rid of rotting trash and bottles and to retrieve kids from rehab or buy groceries in NH. I don't need this anymore.
Today I brought Victor the rest of his belongings and bought him a coffee pot and took him to the Back Home Again for coffee. I will make some calls as he cannot call out to find out about his stocks. He treats me very nicely. There is no vile evil language just friendship. Taurus man.
Very gentle.
I was reminded by a dear friend that :
++It seems that the good parts of Eric are not worth suffering the bad ones.
++Well, regardless of who left the comment....messages come to us from the Universe and often they come through other people. If we choose to "kill the messenger" then we will continue on as cowards, blaming everything on everyone else (the classic Borderline M.O.) and never learning the lessons the Universe intended for us. But there is only so long you can go on avoiding the truth about yourself, until the Universe says "OK we've had enough, it's time for a serious wake-up call".So if Eric has gotten this far without a strong enough wake-up call, he's about due for one. Sometimes being smart is a curse, as it makes one believe that he can outwit everyone, effectively protecting and hiding the very parts of himself that must change. Learning humility is an amazing process--it's totally transformed my world and people actually LIKE me now, rather than simply tolerating me. I don't know what you will do when he comes down off his negative tirade and wants to apologize to you again. I would be very cautious about letting him back into your life. You are obviously a trigger for his deeper issues and he is projecting them onto you (trying to kill the messenger) instead of making changes. He can either continue on the way he is and lose every friend he makes, or he can grow up and take responsibility for his life, address the anger/abuse issues & stop blaming others. Either way, it's not your problem.
Be happy, healthy, sane and sober
THANK YOU for that letter my dear friend.
It helps me see what is before my eyes.
Madness.
Sunami
Eric
My niece has never commented on your blog. It was soeone else. Possibly your ex. CC. Her daughter. I don;t know or care.
From Jodi:
What are you referring to? I have only read eric's blog once, a long time ago...and i don't remember ever commenting. What does he think i wrote?
Do not assume what you think is true. You made an ass of yourself.
She has looked at your blog and never commented. She thought you were cool and is a fellow Capricorn and wanted to chat with you about art and spirituality.
The letter you sent me is way off the mark and full of insults once again.
The DRAMA you refer to is of your own making.
You are paranoid about comments on your blog.
It was not me nor my niece.
The letter you wrote me was terrible.
You don't know me at all.
I thought I wanted to be a part of your life but after this letter I received I believe you must have Multiple Personality Disorder. You need help.
Susan
From Jodi:
What are you referring to? I have only read eric's blog once, a long time ago...and i don't remember ever commenting. What does he think i wrote?
Do not assume what you think is true. You made an ass of yourself.
She has looked at your blog and never commented. She thought you were cool and is a fellow Capricorn and wanted to chat with you about art and spirituality.
The letter you sent me is way off the mark and full of insults once again.
The DRAMA you refer to is of your own making.
You are paranoid about comments on your blog.
It was not me nor my niece.
The letter you wrote me was terrible.
You don't know me at all.
I thought I wanted to be a part of your life but after this letter I received I believe you must have Multiple Personality Disorder. You need help.
Susan
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Mercury Alert
Mercury has just turned retrograde -- where it appears to be moving backward in the sky -- and will continue this motion through Valentine's Day. Mercury is the messenger planet, and when it reverses course miscommunication can become an issue. According to master astrologer Jeff Jawer, “With Valentine's approaching, this Mercury retrograde is an opportunity to learn some lessons in the language of love.”
My Scope For Today
Your Horoscope for JANUARY 29, 2008
It is time for you to refill the well of your soul, Suzy. So much of your life is spent in service to others, it is only natural that you will feel drained from time to time. Rather than try to push past this feeling and go on as though nothing were the matter, you should instead consider it a sign that something is amiss in your life. If you are feeling unappreciated, admit it. You have spent too much of your life putting others' happiness before your own. It is time to change your priorities.
It is time for you to refill the well of your soul, Suzy. So much of your life is spent in service to others, it is only natural that you will feel drained from time to time. Rather than try to push past this feeling and go on as though nothing were the matter, you should instead consider it a sign that something is amiss in your life. If you are feeling unappreciated, admit it. You have spent too much of your life putting others' happiness before your own. It is time to change your priorities.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Send In The Clowns
Isn't it rich? Are we a pair?
Me here at last on the ground,
You in mid-air.
Send in the clowns.
Isn't it bliss? Don't you approve?
One who keeps tearing around,
One who can't move.
Where are the clowns?
Send in the clowns.
Just when I'd stopped opening doors,
Finally knowing the one that I wanted was yours,
Making my entrance again with my usual flair,
Sure of my lines, No one is there.
Don't you love farce? My fault I fear.
I thought that you'd want what I want.
Sorry, my dear. But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don't bother, they're here.
Isn't it rich? Isn't it queer,
Losing my timing this late
In my career?
And where are the clowns?
There ought to be clowns.
Well, maybe next year.
Alcoholics
Alcoholics can stop drinking they just can't STAY stopped.......every time they drink that one drink they can't stop. Their tolerance level is just where they left off. In my case it takes 3 drinks w/double shots to even get started. Wine just gets finished. Wine goes bad..ya gotta finish it.
Most people I know drink. They think nothing of it. Who isn't an alcoholic one said to me.
I get hangovers. I never drink in the morning. It's called Hair of the Dog that bit you. Bad alcoholics start again in the morning. First thing. I'm glad I never got there. I miss the fun that went along with drinking. You loosen up and regular stuff is more fun and funny. You are more funny to you and to your co-drinker. To others you are probably just stupid. Asinine. My straight friends kind of bore me. Everything just seems more fun with pot and/or booze. I haven't had a drink in three weeks. I can't say that I will never drink again. That sets you up for failure. You beat yourself up too bad if you mess up. It's sort of like dieting. If you cheat all hell breaks loose. You break the scale too. I'm normally funny. I haven't laughed in a long while.
I'm on meds that are probably making me a bit apathetic and depressed. Lethargic. I make myself hike. In the cold. I don't really enjoy it. But it helps with weight loss. Time to read.
Coffee and books. That's my life now. Friends are few and far between. Sober ones.
Tsunami
Most people I know drink. They think nothing of it. Who isn't an alcoholic one said to me.
I get hangovers. I never drink in the morning. It's called Hair of the Dog that bit you. Bad alcoholics start again in the morning. First thing. I'm glad I never got there. I miss the fun that went along with drinking. You loosen up and regular stuff is more fun and funny. You are more funny to you and to your co-drinker. To others you are probably just stupid. Asinine. My straight friends kind of bore me. Everything just seems more fun with pot and/or booze. I haven't had a drink in three weeks. I can't say that I will never drink again. That sets you up for failure. You beat yourself up too bad if you mess up. It's sort of like dieting. If you cheat all hell breaks loose. You break the scale too. I'm normally funny. I haven't laughed in a long while.
I'm on meds that are probably making me a bit apathetic and depressed. Lethargic. I make myself hike. In the cold. I don't really enjoy it. But it helps with weight loss. Time to read.
Coffee and books. That's my life now. Friends are few and far between. Sober ones.
Tsunami
Friday, January 25, 2008
The Stigma Of Alcoholism
The most common cause of death from alcoholism is not cirrhosis, heart disease, or brain damage--it's the stigma of alcoholism, which blocks the road to help and change.....
Dennis Wholey from The Courage To Change
(and have I got Courage!)
Dennis Wholey from The Courage To Change
(and have I got Courage!)
I Borrowed This....Okay I Stole It from A Friend....
Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet leaves upon the heel that crushes it
Mark Twain
Mark Twain
Back From John Bryant "The Maestro" On Piano
Had a wonderful time sipping triple expresso shot cappucinos while John played many classical and ragtime pieces on a donated baby grand at The Brandon Bookstore coffeeshop. It is so much nicer to have someone cook for you or make you a coffee. There was a donation basket and I emptied my pockets. The classical calms me like no other. I am definately in the moment when I listen to piano playing esp Chopin and Grieg. He did Debussy's Claire de Lune and Pier Gynt's Anitras Dance. I play those. Also Barcarolle. I loved it. Carol was bored. I play piano so it was especially nice for me to see someone play the songs I do badly goodly.Bought a used book called Courage To Change by alcoholics about alcoholism.
Will start it now. Sober AGAIN since Jan 4th. Drumroll please......
I just want to feel good.....inside my skin.....
Love Suzhi
Nothing In This World Is So Like God As Silence
Every sound is born out of silence. All you have to do is pay attention to it. Even during a conversation, become aware of the gaps between words, the brief silent intervals between sentences. As you do that, the dimension of stillness grows within you. You cannot pay attention to silence without simultaneously becoming still within. Silence without, stillness within.
Thursday, January 24, 2008
Today
Today I worked and worked out. I have several dates lined up with three separate gentleman. One from Wilder, VT...one from Quechee and one from Boston. There is another from Montpeculiar but he dn sound so interesting. Friday night is the piano player at the Brandon coffeehouse and saturday day is date #1. Coffee in Woodstock and a hike. I am coming alive again slowly. The weight of other's problems is suddenly gone and I am taking care of me. I will not allow any negativity into my orbit. Nor will I allow anyone with too much ego. I sent presents to an old friend he should have them by tommorrow. My diet is working and my face thinner. I am doing the machines so when I lose I am toned up. Tommorrow Angus gets a winter hike. More research on moms insurance plan. I have already switched her to medicaire and she is pissed. I was saving her tons of $$. I can't believe we are saddled with her for many years to come. It casts a pall onto my life. I am going to go read wrapped in blankets and get to bed early again. It feels good to get sleep. My meds are working fine. My niece had a good observations of me:
I said: Thanks I'm paranoid lately.He was my best friend guy and I miss him. But then all of a sudden i feel lighter w/out HIS problems.
She said: i think this kinda translates to: " i don't know what to do with myself if i can't obsess over someone else's problems"...and the transition out of being a rescuer isn't easy. You just need to fill every bit of your life that you used to occupy with others' concerns--fill it with satisfying your own needs and desires. It's about time, isn't it?:)
I love you Jodi
Peace
Sunami-shrinking-zen
I said: Thanks I'm paranoid lately.He was my best friend guy and I miss him. But then all of a sudden i feel lighter w/out HIS problems.
She said: i think this kinda translates to: " i don't know what to do with myself if i can't obsess over someone else's problems"...and the transition out of being a rescuer isn't easy. You just need to fill every bit of your life that you used to occupy with others' concerns--fill it with satisfying your own needs and desires. It's about time, isn't it?:)
I love you Jodi
Peace
Sunami-shrinking-zen
Mother Of The Skye....
Aries: (March 21-April 19): You have a lot of choices. Most of them involve your outer goals but some of this applies to your relationships. As far as work is concerned you’re overdoing it and not getting much mileage out of your efforts. Things could be simpler but you have too much invested in being a beast of burden to think of unloading the weight you carry. Your love life is haunted by the fact that you’d rather chop your arm off than say goodbye to someone. You don’t need to do this so weigh your options and consider letting go.
Taurus: (April 20-May 20): Everything is changing so fast that you are feeling a little crazy. Maybe it’s time to switch to plan B. Lately people have been passing judgment on you more than usual and this isn’t helping either. In some cases they’ve been outright mean or rude. Why is it we get so over sensitive when others express their opinion? Taking it personally gets us nowhere so blow this off and go have a good time. It looks like there will be plenty of opportunities for that. If an old flame or friend returns, whoop it up a little.
Gemini: (May 21-June 21): You have to figure out how to get out of something without making too many waves. It’ll be tricky. You could approach the situation directly but you’re too chicken to come right out and tell the truth. The other way around this would be to let news travel back through the grapevine, and that might be the best choice. When people hear what you’re up to they will probably back off and leave you alone without too much comment or conflict. It’s not like you to use back door methods, but at this point - whatever works.
Cancer: (June 22-July 22): You’ve had to reevaluate so many things. There’s some fear that you won’t be able to keep the promises you’ve made. The people you’re close to just don’t get it and there’s nothing you can do to change that. They may be so insensitive they don’t even see you as a human being. In order to understand what kind of choices need to be made in the next few weeks you’d be wise to stay out of circulation and lay low. If you have to be around people, make sure it’s someone whose head is in the same place yours is.
Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22): You can’t expect much from people who are messed up. Be clear about the fact that you’re on your own, financially and in other ways as well. If you feel pressure to develop your gifts, it’s time. Looking for opportunities to expand your potential may involve more schooling or a seminar or two. Many of you need to move. Getting away from where you are will give you a chance to grow. Real love is something you yearn for too, and a big part of your lessons right now. Now that it’s here, are you ready for it?
Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You can’t worry too much about what anyone wants from you right now because it’s all about you. Don’t try to alter your behavior to please anyone. If it seems as if you’ll miss out by not conforming guess again! Whoever you’ve hooked up with is a carbon copy of someone from your past who controlled the shit out of you. You don’t need to go down that road again. Go have fun. You’re limiting your self to a set of possibilities that are way too small to hold your greatness. Be open to all options.
Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): You have gotten your self into a series of weird predicaments that make it seem as if you are out of your mind! You have all kinds of stability in some ways but part of you isn’t grounded at all. You really need to examine the aspects of your nature that keep you too far out in orbit and ask your self why this craziness exists. Being in a relationship means so much to you. At this point it’s hard to say where that area of your life is headed. Let others do what they need to do and trust that things will come together when it's time.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): You may think you’ve got everything figured out but this isn’t something you can clear up just by thinking it through. What you want and what you have at the moment are separated by a huge gap. It’s hard to see how to bring it all together. You’ll be called upon to help someone close to you this week and it will give you the impetus you need to take care of your own life a little bit more. Traveling will change your tune immensely and there will be all kinds of interesting surprises while you’re away from the nest.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don’t depend too much on other people’s promises. They have changed their mind. If this disturbs you things will turn out better for you in the long run. You are still torn by the issues in your personal life but your work is going really well. Focus on educating your self and increasing the amount of contact you have with people who know more about things than you do. What you learn now will pay off later. Be inventive about what you do in your relationship. Something needs to change there big time.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Keep an open mind. What you're about to get wind of will give new meaning to the word unbelievable! The side effects of other people’s turmoil will pull you right in, so stay detached if you can. You have a couple of choices to make. It’s the classic “do you stick with what you’ve got or go for what’s behind the curtain” dilemma. Taking a chance may be the ticket. You’re work routine feels endless. You have so much more to offer. Listen to the voice that keeps telling you there’s more to life than this.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You have gone into denial about a lot of things. The band-aid you put over your problems won’t heal them. Many of you have talked your self into serving the causes of others and your own goals have gotten lost in the process. You may think those who love you support you but watch what happens when you tell them you want to do your own thing. Something about your life is echoing the dysfunction in your parents’ relationship. Check in with your self to see if you really want to end up the way they did.
Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20): You wonder why your relationships don’t work or why you can’t make up your mind about them. Your expectations don’t exactly match your experiences. It looks like others are laying trips on you that you’d rather not even deal with. Important developments are about to change the dynamics in your life for the better. You are about to have a moment of truth. When this happens something will snap and you will know what to do. How others respond is a concern but that’s their problem, not yours.
Taurus: (April 20-May 20): Everything is changing so fast that you are feeling a little crazy. Maybe it’s time to switch to plan B. Lately people have been passing judgment on you more than usual and this isn’t helping either. In some cases they’ve been outright mean or rude. Why is it we get so over sensitive when others express their opinion? Taking it personally gets us nowhere so blow this off and go have a good time. It looks like there will be plenty of opportunities for that. If an old flame or friend returns, whoop it up a little.
Gemini: (May 21-June 21): You have to figure out how to get out of something without making too many waves. It’ll be tricky. You could approach the situation directly but you’re too chicken to come right out and tell the truth. The other way around this would be to let news travel back through the grapevine, and that might be the best choice. When people hear what you’re up to they will probably back off and leave you alone without too much comment or conflict. It’s not like you to use back door methods, but at this point - whatever works.
Cancer: (June 22-July 22): You’ve had to reevaluate so many things. There’s some fear that you won’t be able to keep the promises you’ve made. The people you’re close to just don’t get it and there’s nothing you can do to change that. They may be so insensitive they don’t even see you as a human being. In order to understand what kind of choices need to be made in the next few weeks you’d be wise to stay out of circulation and lay low. If you have to be around people, make sure it’s someone whose head is in the same place yours is.
Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22): You can’t expect much from people who are messed up. Be clear about the fact that you’re on your own, financially and in other ways as well. If you feel pressure to develop your gifts, it’s time. Looking for opportunities to expand your potential may involve more schooling or a seminar or two. Many of you need to move. Getting away from where you are will give you a chance to grow. Real love is something you yearn for too, and a big part of your lessons right now. Now that it’s here, are you ready for it?
Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): You can’t worry too much about what anyone wants from you right now because it’s all about you. Don’t try to alter your behavior to please anyone. If it seems as if you’ll miss out by not conforming guess again! Whoever you’ve hooked up with is a carbon copy of someone from your past who controlled the shit out of you. You don’t need to go down that road again. Go have fun. You’re limiting your self to a set of possibilities that are way too small to hold your greatness. Be open to all options.
Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23): You have gotten your self into a series of weird predicaments that make it seem as if you are out of your mind! You have all kinds of stability in some ways but part of you isn’t grounded at all. You really need to examine the aspects of your nature that keep you too far out in orbit and ask your self why this craziness exists. Being in a relationship means so much to you. At this point it’s hard to say where that area of your life is headed. Let others do what they need to do and trust that things will come together when it's time.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21): You may think you’ve got everything figured out but this isn’t something you can clear up just by thinking it through. What you want and what you have at the moment are separated by a huge gap. It’s hard to see how to bring it all together. You’ll be called upon to help someone close to you this week and it will give you the impetus you need to take care of your own life a little bit more. Traveling will change your tune immensely and there will be all kinds of interesting surprises while you’re away from the nest.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Don’t depend too much on other people’s promises. They have changed their mind. If this disturbs you things will turn out better for you in the long run. You are still torn by the issues in your personal life but your work is going really well. Focus on educating your self and increasing the amount of contact you have with people who know more about things than you do. What you learn now will pay off later. Be inventive about what you do in your relationship. Something needs to change there big time.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Keep an open mind. What you're about to get wind of will give new meaning to the word unbelievable! The side effects of other people’s turmoil will pull you right in, so stay detached if you can. You have a couple of choices to make. It’s the classic “do you stick with what you’ve got or go for what’s behind the curtain” dilemma. Taking a chance may be the ticket. You’re work routine feels endless. You have so much more to offer. Listen to the voice that keeps telling you there’s more to life than this.
Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): You have gone into denial about a lot of things. The band-aid you put over your problems won’t heal them. Many of you have talked your self into serving the causes of others and your own goals have gotten lost in the process. You may think those who love you support you but watch what happens when you tell them you want to do your own thing. Something about your life is echoing the dysfunction in your parents’ relationship. Check in with your self to see if you really want to end up the way they did.
Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20): You wonder why your relationships don’t work or why you can’t make up your mind about them. Your expectations don’t exactly match your experiences. It looks like others are laying trips on you that you’d rather not even deal with. Important developments are about to change the dynamics in your life for the better. You are about to have a moment of truth. When this happens something will snap and you will know what to do. How others respond is a concern but that’s their problem, not yours.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
9 WORDS WOMEN USE
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever").
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F*cK YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3.
(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says "Thanks a lot" - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" ... that will bring on a "whatever").
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F*cK YOU!
(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to # 3.
The Sun has moved into inspirational Aquarius and the Full Moon is going into Leo -- the zodiac sign all about courage. Let this astrological energy inspire you to tap into your own creative side. Even if you don’t think you have a creative bone in your body, let Leo give you the courage to explore your inner landscape … where you will discover the untapped power of your imagination and intuition.
How aware are you of your creative powers? Believe it or not the soul of an artist lives inside you. However, your unique talents may be invisible to you or just taken for granted -- only because you don't know how to express them yet. If you are ready to dig deeper and access your full range of artistic expression ... Astrology can help
Being
You are cut off from Being as long as your mind takes up all your attention. When this happens-and it happens continuously with most people--you are not in your body. You cannot stop thinking. Compulsive thinking has become a collective disease. Your whole sense of who you are is then derived from mind activity. Your identity, no longer rooted in Being, becomes a vulnerable and ever-needy mental construct. This creates fear. The one thing that truly matters is then missing from your life: awareness of your deeper self-your invisible and indestructible reality......Tolle
I refuse to FEED this man's narcissism any longer. I have mailed him his porn videos he left here in my truck and sent him a nice shirt for his birthday. The anger inside this man is overwhelming. I want no part of it. I was there when he was going to kill himself as his kidney stones were so painful he wanted to die. I was there always when he needed help. The breakup of our friendship is painful but his version of me is way off. I have a lot of depth. I just don't spend my time expouding on it all over my blog. I talk about what IS. What is happening in my life. He has started a new blog so that I cannot read his anymore. That is just as well. He was being attacked by his daughter and her mom daily. You can run but you can't hide from child support. That is what he is doing. Since he got his disability award he changed his phone number and blog so noone could take any of his precious money. Eventually the karma will get him.
Making babies is the EZ part. Teaching them to respect you and supporting them is the hard part.
Today is a new day. A walk in the woods. A workout at the gym. Reading. Dinner with my roommate. Simple stuff. No drama. Friday we go again to the bookstore to see John Bryant play piano. Sip cappucinos. I am sober and liking it. I like me better. It's a little more boring and less crazy but it's safer driving....lol.
Peace
Sunami
Recently I was forced to cut off communication from a "friend" who felt the need to judge and criticize every move I made. Pity he could not see his faults. After receiving the email below I reacted angrily and defended myself yet I became unshakeable and did not let it rock my boat.
It is a pity that someone so Spiritual could hurl vulgar insults like the ones below......
I keep looking for depth but it just isnt there.
You hate men since your father..... Clean your conscience, it stink baby! What an absolute cunt!
shallow shallow shallow shallow shallow shallow shallow shallow shallow, that's why I am pissed at you. I keep looking for depth but it just isnt there. You are a manupulator and screw people over to get your way and disguise it to look like YOU made a big sacrifice for them. Ii should have listened to Tom so very long ago. You are trouble! My god, poor Victor and poor Mike and the rest of the fools that ever cling into your web.... You dont even realize that this all has to do with the fct that you hate men since your father..... Clean your conscience, it stink baby! Or actually, maybe it's that no man will ever compare to daddy.... they wont fuck you like he did. What an absolute cunt! I have spam filters stupid.... unlike you, i pay for my email for just such reasons! Skank on baby! Wonder who your next victim will be. Oh, I called Cloud Papa.... i wish there was another way of doing it, but, whatever it takes.... he knows you are crazy too, whatta ya know... I'm not the only one.
I refuse to FEED this man's narcissism any longer. I have mailed him his porn videos he left here in my truck and sent him a nice shirt for his birthday. The anger inside this man is overwhelming. I want no part of it. I was there when he was going to kill himself as his kidney stones were so painful he wanted to die. I was there always when he needed help. The breakup of our friendship is painful but his version of me is way off. I have a lot of depth. I just don't spend my time expouding on it all over my blog. I talk about what IS. What is happening in my life. He has started a new blog so that I cannot read his anymore. That is just as well. He was being attacked by his daughter and her mom daily. You can run but you can't hide from child support. That is what he is doing. Since he got his disability award he changed his phone number and blog so noone could take any of his precious money. Eventually the karma will get him.
Making babies is the EZ part. Teaching them to respect you and supporting them is the hard part.
Today is a new day. A walk in the woods. A workout at the gym. Reading. Dinner with my roommate. Simple stuff. No drama. Friday we go again to the bookstore to see John Bryant play piano. Sip cappucinos. I am sober and liking it. I like me better. It's a little more boring and less crazy but it's safer driving....lol.
Peace
Sunami
Monday, January 21, 2008
My New Hangout
http://www.briggscarriage.com/events/index.php?/archives/2008/01.htmlExcellent bookstore and coffee house in Brandon VT with live music, authors, french classes and all sorts of interesting presentations. Great coffee guy that makes cheap cappuchinos. John Bryant , Pianist playing Jan 25 friday. Be there or be square!
Advice From A Friend
Well i hate to say this, but you are enabling him. If you don't provide a vessel for him to dump his negativity, he will find somewhere else to dump it, or he will have to face his own demons to conquer the negativity. Very good advice. I'm tired of being a dumping ground and a receptacle for vulgarity and rude language. I'm better than that. I rise above that like the phoenix.
Tsunami
Tsunami
In Memory Of Dr.Martin Luther King Jr.
Martin Luther King, Jr.
was one of the main leaders of the American civil rights movement. King was a Baptist minister, one of the few leadership roles available to black men at the time. He became a civil rights activist early in his career. He led the Montgomery Bus Boycott (1955 - 1956) and helped found the Southern Christian Leadership Conference (1957), serving as its first president. His efforts led to the 1963 March on Washington, where King delivered his “I Have a Dream” speech. Here he raised public consciousness of the civil rights movement and established himself as one of the greatest orators in U.S. history. In 1964, King became the youngest person to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts to end segregation and racial discrimination through civil disobedience and other non-violent means.
King was assassinated on April 4, 1968, in Memphis, Tennessee. He was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Jimmy Carter in 1977. Martin Luther King Day was established as a national holiday in the United States in 1986. In 2004, King was posthumously awarded a Congressional Gold Medal.[1]
King was assassinated on April 4, 1968, in Memphis, Tennessee. He was posthumously awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Jimmy Carter in 1977. Martin Luther King Day was established as a national holiday in the United States in 1986. In 2004, King was posthumously awarded a Congressional Gold Medal.[1]
Closing Our Eyes Won’t Make Racial and Ethnic Inequalities Disappear
(Photo: Political Prisoner Leonard Peltier)
Native Americans have been in the United States from the beginning, yet according to health and employment statistics, they, like other people of color, still have not achieved equality. For example, between 1998 and 2000 Native American infants in the United States were 1.7 times more likely to die than white infants in their first year of life (Tomashek et al.). The Lakota, on the Pine Ridge Reservation in North Dakota, who supported the culturally and politically nationalist American Indian Movement, faced brutal counter-insurgency tactics complete with FBI-armed and -trained death squads that murdered 61 political activists on the reservation between 1973 and 1976. As part of that terror war against America’s first nations, American Indian Movement member Leonard Peltier was framed by the FBI and remains in prison to this day. ********************
Closing Our Eyes Won’t Make Racial and Ethnic Inequalities Disappear
By Steven Argue
Republican candidate Ron Paul, exposed as having voted against the renewal of the Voting Rights Act of 1965 that gave Blacks the right to vote; exposed for knowingly accepting a donation from former KKK Grand Dragon and Nazi Stormfront radio host Don Black; and exposed for having put out a racist-sexist-homophobic newsletter in his name for decades that opposed Martin Luther King and desegregation; now makes the claim, “I am the most anti-racist because I don’t see people in collective groups” (CNN). Interestingly enough, Nazi Stormfront members Don Black and David Duke make the same claims of not being racist (Stormfront). To them, the real racists are those who speak out against the inequalities suffered by people of color.
Racism and xenophobia take many forms, both subtle and overt. While overt racism and national chauvinism are still very much a problem in America, one of the most insidious forms of racism is promoted in the form of denying that these problems even exist. Ron Paul and Stormfront are on the fringes, yet this form of racism has become common place in the American corporate media and the mainstream politics of the Democrat and Republican Parties.
One case in point is Kotkin and Tseng’s Washington Post June 8, 2003 article, “For Young America, Old Ethnic Labels No Longer Apply”. It contains a bad argument based on a fundamentally false premise. That premise is the idea that because immigrants are becoming assimilated into the mainstream of U.S. culture, ethnic groups will no longer exist in the future. Based on this false premise the authors go on to make a number of unsound arguments about changes to education and business policies.
The idea that separate ethnicities will disappear due to the blending of immigrant groups into the mainstream misses two key aspects of American life. One is continued immigration and the other is continued racism. Neither of these fundamental aspects of American society are even remotely considered in the essay.
In a world where immigrants continue to flee the economic exploitation and political repression of U.S. imperialist hegemony in most of the third world, and as long as those immigrants continue to be accepted as a cheaper source of labor within the confines of U.S. borders by U.S. capitalists, immigration into the United States will not end. Thus, the authors’ assertion that the linguistic preferences of second and third generation immigrants for English “would seem to challenge the continued viability of programs such as bilingual education” is utterly absurd. Bilingual education helps ease immigrant children into a learning process that is made much more difficult by English-only education.
Another aspect of American culture not considered in the Washington Post essay is the deep and pernicious racism of this society. People of color are offered fewer opportunities in this society on many levels, including the opportunity to assimilate.
Blacks have been here for hundreds of years and they still, by and large, have not assimilated. They suffer over double the infant mortality of whites and by every other health and economic indicator are worse-off than whites. For Blacks in the United States between 1995 and 2002, the infant mortality rate was 13.9, more than double the rate of 5.9 for whites in the same time period (Center for Disease Control). Life expectancy of Blacks is 5 years less than whites, with 2005 statistics showing whites living on average to 78.3 years of-age and Blacks only living 73.2 years (CNN.com). Blacks also suffer double the unemployment of whites. Consistent with long-term ratios, 2002 statistics gave a white unemployment rate of 5.2 percent and a Black unemployment rate of 10.7 percent (Robinson).
These types of data are reflected in other populations of color in the Unites States as well. For instance, Native Americans have been in the United States from the beginning, yet according to health and employment statistics, they still have not assimilated either. For example, between 1998 and 2000 Native American infants in the United States were 1.7 times more likely to die than white infants in their first year of life (Tomashek et al.).
These sad realities, all too often ignored by the mainstream press, fly in the face of the Washington Post’s bold declaration of, “Welcome to post ethnic America.” It has an absurd bellicose ring to it, like George Bush declaring victory in Iraq in 2003.
It is from the fewer opportunities that many ethnic groups face that the cultural nationalism of oppressed groups arises. Yet these Washington Post authors, in ignoring these inequalities, along with pretending that new immigrants will not keep coming to the United States, see “cultural nationalists as a disease that infests most Chicano studies departments.” As opposed to seeing such manifestations as a healthy reaction to the racist, imperialist, and exploitative U.S. society, the authors instead blame the victims of this society that stand up for their culture and their rights. It is from such imaginary premises as the idea of ethnic divisions no longer playing a role in society, that the authors come to racist conclusions against those people of ethnic and racial groups that stand up for social justice for their groups.
Unfortunately, the Washington Post is not alone in seeing manifestations of cultural and political nationalism as a disease. It has long been U.S. government policy to treat people of color that stand up to American racism as a cancer.
The Lakota, on the Pine Ridge Reservation in North Dakota, who supported the culturally and politically nationalist American Indian Movement, faced brutal counter-insurgency tactics complete with FBI-armed and -trained death squads that murdered 61 political activists on the reservation between 1973 and 1976 (Churchill). As part of that terror war against America’s first nations, American Indian Movement member Leonard Peltier was framed by the FBI and remains in prison to this day.
Blacks have faced similar political repression in the United States, also orchestrated by the FBI. In the 1960’s and 70’s the U.S. government liquidated the Black Panther Party through the murders of 39 members, including the police shooting of Fred Hampton in his sleep, and through political frame-ups such as that of Geronimo (Ji Jagga) Pratt who was finally exonerated (i.e. found innocent) after 30 years in prison. Other framed Black Panthers still sit in prison and Black Panther Assata Shakur lives in exile, granted political asylum by Cuba, but with a one million dollar bounty put on her head by the U.S. government.
Immigrants who speak out are also caught in the government’s cross-hairs. Worst off in terms of political rights are Near and Middle Eastern immigrants, including U.S. citizens, who, in the eyes of the authorities, become too vocal about racism and U.S. imperialism. They are now labeled “enemy combatants” without cause and can disappear into America’s torture chambers or be outsourced for torture and murder by being shipped back to their native lands. Some have never been heard from again, with international human rights organizations denied documentation; while others reemerge after prolonged mistreatment such as Maher Arar, a leader of a mainstream Arab American advocacy group who was shipped to Syria by the U.S. government for torture (Klein). A clear message has been sent to Arab-Americans: watch your tongue or you’ll be the next Maher Arar.
Like the Washington Post, the U.S. government sees no need for these ethnic groups to stand up for themselves, and when they do they sometimes treat such manifestations as pest “infestations”, and the government sends in their FBI and local law-enforcement exterminators.
While the Washington Post article attacks Chicano studies departments, locally in Santa Cruz we have a similar example of racism in the media with the Santa Cruz Sentinel’s attacks on Latino Santa Cruz City Councilperson Tony Madrigal. The focus of these attacks are the fact that Tony Madrigal stood up for people of color, at least in a small way, by voting against increased police measures, including against triple fines, downtown on Halloween. Here is what Tony Madrigal said:
I was really bothered by the fact that I witnessed a bunch of officers pat down a group of Latino youth that were standing on the sidewalk by, I think it was Community Television. They were standing by there. They weren’t doing anything. They were just watching everybody go by.
They patted them all down, searched them, and then left them alone.
I asked the guys "Are you bothered by this? Are you okay?" They didn't want to do anything about it, but they did make a good point.
They said "Look. They just patted us down but they are walking right past another group of kids who are making more noise than us. They don't look like us" implying that they were Latino.
I just feel to a certain degree that there might be some racial profiling going on. And those issues do concern me. I don't think that’s what we're supposed to be doing on Halloween. I do understand there are all kinds of procedures the police department has to be going through and everything.
I just think there is a different way to go about making downtown safe for Halloween. (Johnson)
In response, the Santa Cruz Sentinel declared in their September 16, 2007 editorial, “As We See It, Tony Madrigal’s Immature Remarks,” “Madrigal once again showed that he hasn’t grown into the office when he accused the Santa Cruz police of racial profiling.” Other eyewitnesses, including Mark Halfmoon, saw this same incident of racial profiling as well as other incidents that same night. Yet the editorial went so far as to suggest Tony Madrigal resign.
That same Sentinel editorial went on to claim that racial profiling does not exist, stating, “In fact, the city of Santa Cruz has done studies – with academic rigor – to examine arrest reports in order to find evidence of profiling. The data shows otherwise.” No further information is given on these studies, but the point is clear enough, Tony and other eyewitnesses have no right to believe their own eyes; the white power structure has done studies on itself and has declared this form of racism does not exist.
Likewise, the Sentinel, never friendly to reports of police abuse, criticizes Tony Madrigal for not reporting the incident earlier, stating: “It was irresponsible of him not to check out his information through the proper channels.” What are the proper channels? Presently the Citizen’s Police Review Board has been dissolved, partly at the urging of the Santa Cruz Sentinel. That leaves police Internal Affairs, notorious for exonerating their fellow officers, to investigate. The proper channels that the Sentinel has referred Tony to are in fact useless channels and, as Tony pointed out, the victims weren’t interested in pursuing the case. As an elected official, what is a more proper channel for Tony Madrigal to use than voting against expanded police powers and explaining his vote?
Inside of racist America, a mass incarceration of the poor, especially the poor of color, has taken place, while at the same time the multi-racial working class and poor are subjected to a lack of healthcare and dramatic drop in our standard of living. The inner cities of America have, by and large, been abandoned by the same capitalists that got rich off of the jobs that they have now exported, just as the victims of hurricane Katrina were left to die by this same racist system.
Yet the capitalists continue to profit off of this misery and “justify” it through racism. The capitalists profit from the mass incarceration of the poor through the prison industrial complex where they get almost free labor and they get additional money from the increasingly privatized prisons. A good percentage of those people being rounded up for these modern day plantations are people of color, while America’s racist police are now modern day slave catchers.
Likewise, the U.S. government practices racist policies against Near and Far Eastern immigrants as part of a wider policy of war, death, and profit, “justified” by racism. Want an example? Just look at Bush on Iraq. He repeatedly states that people from that part of the world “did” September 11. Yet when a reporter asked, “What did Iraq have to do with September 11?” Bush responded, “nothing.” Bush keeps repeating what seems like an obvious mistake to people that aren’t racists, but to the racists Bush’s argument makes perfect sense, people from that part of the world did it and any dead towel-heads will do.
Looking at the mainstream media in America, however, one would think that the question of racism in America has been solved. The truly shocking issues of racism are routinely glossed over, ignored, or denied. These Washington Post and Santa Cruz Sentinel articles are good cases in point. They argue that there is no racism, and promote hostility against those standing up against racism. When the Washington Post pretends that racial and ethnic equality have been achieved, one must question if they are living on the same planet, or just lying to achieve some other goal.
The Washington Post and Santa Cruz Sentinel are corporate newspapers. Like all of the mainstream media in this country they are corporate owned, and in addition, sell advertising to other corporations. As such, these papers are beholden to corporate interests, and do their duty spreading corporate propaganda on behalf of the ruling American capitalist class. That capitalist system was racist from birth in profiting from slavery and the mass murder of Native Americans, and profits from racism now through war, prisons, and paying less for the labor of immigrants and people of color.
While pretending to hold no bias, the bias of the Washington Post and Santa Cruz Sentinel are so pro-capitalist, pro-imperialist, and pro-racist that their main tactic of debate on these issues is to pretend the words that describe them don’t even exist. The most insidious racists in journalism are those who either ignore the problem or insist that problems of institutional racism do not exist.
It took a mass movement outside of the capitalist power structure to win the rights that people of color have achieved so far. Yet there is still a long way to go until we can declare victory and full equality. Closing our eyes will not make racial and ethnic divisions disappear. It will only be through recognizing the prevalent nature of problems such as racism and American nationalist chauvinism that we will be able to achieve equality and justice, not by glossing over these problems and pretending they don’t exist.
Snake Mountain Bluegrass
Saw a great bluegrass band two nights ago and they are playing a benefit tonight in Rutland so may catch them again. I am bundled up in my ski clothes to take a winter hike to keep the weight going down. Its noon and I have a huge blister on my foot so I will have to hike somewhere plowed so I can wear my sneakers instead of the blister boots. Got an inquiry on renting my home for 3 mos this summer. $1500 PM. If it goes through I will be heading out west or staying with friends. Either way I get a vacation from Killington.
About the band........
Middlebury College teacher, Gregg Humphrey, and Middlebury construction company owner, Mike Connor, formed Snake Mountain Bluegrass about twenty years ago. At the time, both Gregg (guitar and vocals) and Mike (banjo and vocals) were living near Snake Mountain and someone asked them what style of bluegrass they played. “Snake Mountain Bluegrass,” was their immediate response and the name had been theirs ever since.
In 1986 they recorded their first album and used the talents of local musician and recording studio technician, Mike Boise to master the project and play bass on some of the cuts. Mike Boise (bass guitar and vocals) now is a member of the group and operates Boise Audio & Recording Studio in Brandon.
Earle Provin was originally brought in to do mandolin tracks for the new CD. After witnessing the 16 hours of abuse Earle endured in the studio, Gregg took pity on him and asked him to join the band. Earle is also a graphic artist and did the cover art for the new CD.
They have recently released a CD, ‘Bout Time, which features their unique blend of bluegrass music and tight harmony singing. The band uses both a traditional and more modern approach to the bluegrass style, from hard driving “breakdowns” to softer, folk-type arrangements.
About the band........
Middlebury College teacher, Gregg Humphrey, and Middlebury construction company owner, Mike Connor, formed Snake Mountain Bluegrass about twenty years ago. At the time, both Gregg (guitar and vocals) and Mike (banjo and vocals) were living near Snake Mountain and someone asked them what style of bluegrass they played. “Snake Mountain Bluegrass,” was their immediate response and the name had been theirs ever since.
In 1986 they recorded their first album and used the talents of local musician and recording studio technician, Mike Boise to master the project and play bass on some of the cuts. Mike Boise (bass guitar and vocals) now is a member of the group and operates Boise Audio & Recording Studio in Brandon.
Earle Provin was originally brought in to do mandolin tracks for the new CD. After witnessing the 16 hours of abuse Earle endured in the studio, Gregg took pity on him and asked him to join the band. Earle is also a graphic artist and did the cover art for the new CD.
They have recently released a CD, ‘Bout Time, which features their unique blend of bluegrass music and tight harmony singing. The band uses both a traditional and more modern approach to the bluegrass style, from hard driving “breakdowns” to softer, folk-type arrangements.
From "More about Alcoholism":
"To us it is not far-fetched, for this kind of thinking has been characteristic of every single one of us.… There was always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out. Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have happened."
I gavc up fighting the demon. The poison is in the elixir. Destroys your brain cells. One day it just stopped working. I didn't get high that I knew of, but I had a blackout later. So I must've gotten high, my tolerance is just so high I need too much. The next day was a blur. I felt sick and guilty. That's no way to live. So many people drink. I wonder how the world runs itself. Everyone with hangovers. Dunno......I'm glad it stopped working.
Sunami
"To us it is not far-fetched, for this kind of thinking has been characteristic of every single one of us.… There was always the curious mental phenomenon that parallel with our sound reasoning there inevitably ran some insanely trivial excuse for taking the first drink. Our sound reasoning failed to hold us in check. The insane idea won out. Next day we would ask ourselves, in all earnestness and sincerity, how it could have happened."
I gavc up fighting the demon. The poison is in the elixir. Destroys your brain cells. One day it just stopped working. I didn't get high that I knew of, but I had a blackout later. So I must've gotten high, my tolerance is just so high I need too much. The next day was a blur. I felt sick and guilty. That's no way to live. So many people drink. I wonder how the world runs itself. Everyone with hangovers. Dunno......I'm glad it stopped working.
Sunami
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Listening To The Silence
Silence is an even more potent carrier of presence. Be aware of the silence between words and even if there is noise, there is always some silence underneath and in between the sounds. The silence creates stillness inside you. When I snow shoe I stop regularly to listen to the silence deep in the woods. From time to time a bird will cry out of a frozen bent tree will creak but on the whole it is silent back there. It is where I recharge myself.
The Egoic Mind Is Like A Sinking Ship
If you are run by your mind you will be destroyed by it. It's like a sinking ship. If you don't get off, you will go down with the ship. The collective egoic mind is the most dangerously insane and destructive entity on the planet. Thus we have war and the pollution and annihilation of our planet. If it weren't for sex, alcohol, tranquilizers, antidepressants and pot, the insanity of the human mind would become even more glaringly apparent than it is already. Deprived of their drugs, the human population would become a danger to themselves and others. A friend made up the saying "Medicated For Your Protection." It's true. I was put on medication because my mind would not relax and stop. I could not eat or sleep. I had become so addicted to benzodiazepines that when I tried to free myself of them my mind went crazy. They are my crutch now. At some point I will taper them. But I am not ready. I've only been stable a few months. I am much calmer and levelheaded off of alcohol and on my medication. I also use exercise to calm me and to connect with nature and my center. Tolle says that drugs keep you stuck in dysfunction. Block higher consciousness. They provide relief from the daily torture inflicted by the mind. I'll have to disagree with him here. I am in better shape now on medication than off. Perhaps my brain was injured early on by cocaine use and PTSD and alcohol. When you are tortured as a child your brain works differently. I thank buddha for leading me to the hospital October 6 when i stood knee deep in water with weights on my legs and arms ready to drink sedatives and swim to my death. I was tired of being a problem to everyone because of my illness. I wanted out badly but the glory of nature shouted in my face NO! And so I live. Gratefully.Here's to consciousness and life and growth.....
Sunamizen
Saturday, January 19, 2008
What I Ask Myself Many Times A Day.....
Do You Have A Problem Now?
The answer, of late, is always NO!
Tsunami
The answer, of late, is always NO!
Tsunami
Morning Has Broken
It's a beautiful stress-free morning. I plan on snowshoeing before the snow-rain hits. The gym-the usual. My weekend roommate stayed with her brother up on the mountain so they could party and I was glad. I needed the money but the Peace was better. I got my Citicard statement and I paid down 4000 to 3500. February's $400 from Bob (midweek roomate) will go on next and bring me down to 3100. His march will bring me down to 2700. that will be his last month. Any cleaning money goes here. I vow to pay it off before the house sells if I can. Credit is great but can put you in a hole. I vow to crawl out of the hole. I know people with 25,000 credit card debt. That's way too much to ever pay off. I think it's stupid and lazy. I got a relocation package from the RE agent and there is so much to look at. I am praying that the people I just showed the house to will want it. They are locals. I am ready for a new experience. I know moving has its risks but I have wanted to go out west for the past 11 years. It's thyme. No more cloudy days.
Time to read The power Of Now a bit more. yesterday while snowshoeing I caught myself remembering my ex Chuck playing my piano-Blues for Suzy-and the whole house shook as well as the piano. It was the most awesome thing I was brought to tears. I will never forget that.
I miss him. He had so many beautiful qualities but was so insensitive sometimes. His sting as he was a double scorpio hurt bad. He was trying to teach me to live in the moment. I wish he would have given me the book Power of Now way back as i would have understood more of what he was trying to show me. I did the best I could and now I am learning. We all learn at different paces. He was in his 60's and me 50. I needed thyme to catch-up.
Now I have all the time in the world.
Tsunami
Time to read The power Of Now a bit more. yesterday while snowshoeing I caught myself remembering my ex Chuck playing my piano-Blues for Suzy-and the whole house shook as well as the piano. It was the most awesome thing I was brought to tears. I will never forget that.
I miss him. He had so many beautiful qualities but was so insensitive sometimes. His sting as he was a double scorpio hurt bad. He was trying to teach me to live in the moment. I wish he would have given me the book Power of Now way back as i would have understood more of what he was trying to show me. I did the best I could and now I am learning. We all learn at different paces. He was in his 60's and me 50. I needed thyme to catch-up.
Now I have all the time in the world.
Tsunami
Friday, January 18, 2008
Todays afternoon scope.....
No matter how maddening their idiosyncrasies are, you love them. You really do. Repeat that over and over and over again, until you believe it.
Addiction
It's the high we're chasing
That makes everything else fade away
Addiction never ends well
The substance we used to make us feel good
Stops working and starts hurting us
And makes us feel sick
Coffee, alcohol, nicotine, food, sex, love, gambling.....
You name it.....
I bet there's a 12 step group for everything
With 12 empty chairs
Sunamizen
That makes everything else fade away
Addiction never ends well
The substance we used to make us feel good
Stops working and starts hurting us
And makes us feel sick
Coffee, alcohol, nicotine, food, sex, love, gambling.....
You name it.....
I bet there's a 12 step group for everything
With 12 empty chairs
Sunamizen
Sometimes....
No matter how much holding onto a thing that is hurting us......hurts us
It's still so hard sometimes letting it go.
It's still so hard sometimes letting it go.
Victor Got His Boots....
I had to do it he helped me so much cleaning and in the summer raking and mowing and he gave me so many things of his own(Table and 4 chairs, speakers, a computer chair, a chainsaw). They were on sale at KMART 12.99 so i got him waterproofer as they were suede boots. I made him meatballs and sauce so he would not starve and brought him bread and olive oil. It was the friend thing to do...then got rid of him fast.
I just couldnt see him with those torn sneakers in the snow......
He got a few hugs and off i went on my broom.....
Off to the gym
I just couldnt see him with those torn sneakers in the snow......
He got a few hugs and off i went on my broom.....
Off to the gym
The First Duty Of Love Is To Listen.....
The next duty of love is "being stupid together."....................Tony from Starksboro
Past Actions Usually Indicate Future Ones.......people don't change often. If they do it is great! But usually they keep repeating the same behavior ingrained from the past. The Power Of Now has taught me to STOP dead in my tracks when my mind is wandering into the past or too far into the future. It is a precious lesson that saves me a lot of pain of regret and worry.
Try it you'll like it!
Chef Suzois
Try it you'll like it!
Chef Suzois
Persistence Pays Off
This portuguese old boyfriend never gives up trying to court me. He is a libra sweetheart. I have always had other men in my head or on my mind when he came up with the exception of the first time we reconnected after 20 yrs. That day I was truly in the Now. Then I let other things get in the way. Failed relationships-trying to revive them. Difficult relationships-trying to navigate them. When the whole time this sweet giving compassionate man was waiting for me to wake up and smell the coffee. It took months of sobriety and near death to wake me up. Take love when it is offered do not spurn it. (With the exception of Victor). This man would drive through a blizzard from the cape to see me. Mow my lawn or shovel the snow and turn around and head home. Without asking for a thing. He has a car and two jobs and a heart of gold.I've been so unconscious. Dwelling in failed relationships.
Sunami-zen
Monkey Me
There may be a broadening of your business interests today. You may need to keep an eye on your financial position because you possibly will need to respond to a sudden change. You may well be able to strengthen a friendship when you resolve a troubling issue.
Day of the Fire Snake
January 18, 2008
Your charisma and sensuality should be at their maximum levels; so, spend time with someone you love and experience the moment.
January 18, 2008
Your charisma and sensuality should be at their maximum levels; so, spend time with someone you love and experience the moment.
The Monkey Personality
The Monkey symbolizes fun and versatility. You are likely to be unpredictable, witty, and charming, engineered to make the rest of us happy. You also have the potential to be competent, if not expert, at many and varied tasks. You also have a serious side and can be a formidable competitor in business or on the athletic field. Underneath your playful exterior is a real competitive streak and loads of self-confidence. You also are good at adapting to change or changing situations.You tend to spend a lot of time in your head, even to the point of thinking too much. You could be quite clever, second only to the crafty Rat. You are naturally curious and develop a broad knowledge of many different subject areas. It helps that you’re perceptive and pick up on things that others miss. And, your cleverness extends to mind and body. And, you’re also a shrewd judge of character. You can be unrealistically romantic and an over confident gambler. That’s understandable in a way given your quick mind allows you to make it through situations that foil others. Still, if you take enough risks, your gambling instincts could be your downfall.
The Monkey In Relationships
The Monkey In Relationships
Of all the signs the Monkey is most adept at bringing joy into our lives. You thrive in social settings and are not beyond playing little games with the rest of us. It’s so much fun we line up to be done in again. You also are often witty and a good conversationalist, the person we truly want to be around at any party or social function. Although Monkeys create a lot of joy in the world, they are unfortunately not as good at making themselves happy. Your partner may find that it takes a lot of work to do it for you, and that it takes only a little something to ruin it. You thus need a patient partner and one who is willing to work for your happiness. Finally it must be said the Monkey has a reputation for being a flirt and the most promiscuous of the 12 Chinese signs. Can’t let all that charm go to waste! Nevertheless, once you settle down and truly make a lifelong commitment, you are likely to be more faithful than most people are.
God Is Good
While trying to escape through Pakistan,
Osama bin Laden found a bottle on the sand and picked it up.
Suddenly, a female genie rose from thebottle and with a smile said, "Master, may I grant you one wish?"
Osama responded, "You ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! Don't youknow who I am?
I don't need any common woman giving me anything."
The shocked genie said, "Please, I must grant you a wish or I will be returned to that bottle forever"
Osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of thewoman and said,
"Very well, I want to awaken with three American women in my bed in the morning.
So just do it and be off with you."
The annoyed genie said, "So be it!" and disappeared.
The next morning bin Laden woke up in bed with Lorena Bobbitt, Tonya Harding, and Hillary Clinton at his side.
His penis was gone, his knees were broken, and he had no healthinsurance.
Da Peaarly Gates
A man and his dog were walking along a road.
The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years.
He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill,
it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer,
he saw a man at a desk to one side
When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse me, where are we?"
"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.
"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man asked.
"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up."
The man gestured, and the gate began to open.
"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come in, too?" the traveler asked.
"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road
and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside,
leaning against a tree and reading a book.
"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any water?"
"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in."
"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured to the dog.
"There should be a bowl by the pump."
They went through the gate, and sure enough,
there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.
The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself,
then he gave some to the dog.
When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.
"This is Heaven," he answered.
"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said.
"The man down the road said that was Heaven, too."
"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates?
Nope. That's hell."
"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?"
"No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks
who would leave their best friends behind."
Endings As Beginnings
Endings can make us really sad but in actuality endings make way for new beginnings.
New friends. I hate to see a friend move out of my life but sometimes this happens. Sometimes it is temporary to give us both "breathing room" and "growing room". Sometimes it is permanent.
Sometimes friends disagree. It is okay to disagree. Most people have their own system of beliefs.
I believe I have a new friends entering my life in a few weeks. It is a new (old) friend. Every time I saw him I had another man in my brain. I couldnt go with the flow because of it. Yet he remains a good friend even though I rejected his advances. Our friendship is the forever kind.
Maybe that's enough to build on. Sounds pretty solid. I trust and respect him. He's in the musicc biz but not a performer. He's the guy that does the lights, the sound. The roadie guy. He takes the tix at the door. People beg him for favors(free entry). They never stop. They are using him.
He sees this and is upset by it. Yet he is not so good at saying no. He is a people pleaser. A genuine loving person with a giant heart. He takes care of his mom and dad. Works two jobs. I asked him if he ever thought of just leaving it all. He said he had and it was a bad move but he also said he does not belong on the east coast. I feel the same. The west beckons. The sun.
The warmth of the sun on my body lifts away everything bad and increases the seratonin. It charges you up. The dreary days in the east depress you. Chicago is just as bad.
The snow is falling and my new weekender roomate is on her way. Income I need. $80 for the weekend. I need to pay off the ambulances that took me to the hospital when I was ill. This will pay off one. Today is mine to do with however I want. Read Snowshoe. Play the piano. The gym is toxic w/fresh oil based painting going on. I couldn't breathe there yesterday so I left. I believe a fit body helps the mind. A sick body makes a sick mind. Dis-ease is the absence of health.
(Not at ease). I feel lonely lately. Cabin fever they call it. I'm not a part of the ski culture. I could take the dogs to the golf course and snowshoe them. Dog #2 is on the way. Or I could try the road next to my home to be closer. There are no people back there. At any rate it's time to read the power of now.
Sunami-zen
New friends. I hate to see a friend move out of my life but sometimes this happens. Sometimes it is temporary to give us both "breathing room" and "growing room". Sometimes it is permanent.
Sometimes friends disagree. It is okay to disagree. Most people have their own system of beliefs.
I believe I have a new friends entering my life in a few weeks. It is a new (old) friend. Every time I saw him I had another man in my brain. I couldnt go with the flow because of it. Yet he remains a good friend even though I rejected his advances. Our friendship is the forever kind.
Maybe that's enough to build on. Sounds pretty solid. I trust and respect him. He's in the musicc biz but not a performer. He's the guy that does the lights, the sound. The roadie guy. He takes the tix at the door. People beg him for favors(free entry). They never stop. They are using him.
He sees this and is upset by it. Yet he is not so good at saying no. He is a people pleaser. A genuine loving person with a giant heart. He takes care of his mom and dad. Works two jobs. I asked him if he ever thought of just leaving it all. He said he had and it was a bad move but he also said he does not belong on the east coast. I feel the same. The west beckons. The sun.
The warmth of the sun on my body lifts away everything bad and increases the seratonin. It charges you up. The dreary days in the east depress you. Chicago is just as bad.
The snow is falling and my new weekender roomate is on her way. Income I need. $80 for the weekend. I need to pay off the ambulances that took me to the hospital when I was ill. This will pay off one. Today is mine to do with however I want. Read Snowshoe. Play the piano. The gym is toxic w/fresh oil based painting going on. I couldn't breathe there yesterday so I left. I believe a fit body helps the mind. A sick body makes a sick mind. Dis-ease is the absence of health.
(Not at ease). I feel lonely lately. Cabin fever they call it. I'm not a part of the ski culture. I could take the dogs to the golf course and snowshoe them. Dog #2 is on the way. Or I could try the road next to my home to be closer. There are no people back there. At any rate it's time to read the power of now.
Sunami-zen
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Andy Strupp and Genie Polower
My dear friend Genie who is very ill w/Hashimoto's Disease, benzo withdrawal and Babesiosis.She is losing hope she is so ill and her husband is keeping her sane and alive.
Pray for her please everybody......
I Love You Genie
Suzy
Sunrise On Mercury
Mercury isn't too happy this week. On Friday, he begins his storm period, which means he's about to turn retrograde. Hold off on starting new projects, and rethink actions you've recently taken. Because Mercury goes retrograde about three times a year, it's a great time to take stock of your experiences during that time. You enjoy feeling needed, Suzy, but today even you may throw up your hands and shout, "Enough already!" You have been giving so much of yourself for so long now that friends and loved ones tend to think of your largesse as a right, rather than a privilege. Today you can remind them of the error of their thinking. Take a day off from indentured servitude for a change. Take yourself out to a fancy restaurant in town and enjoy being waited on. Don't forget to leave a big tip.
Actions I've recently taken included detaching from Eric and Victor. The volatility and superiority and vulgarity of Eric and the negativity and neediness of Vic gave me no choice. I cannot handle either at this time. I gave Vic a ride to his counsellor one way and left him there. He had a CHOICE to take his meds at the right time but since he could not do this he now is a prisoner of the SYSTEM he abhors. I keep reminding him he had a choice. He doesn't listen.
He just rants on about the government and the system and how much he hates everything. Most of us hold disapproval of the government but to let anger rule your life is not good.
I am looking at Tucson as well as Sedona, AZ. I crave the warm sun and desert climate. The house is being shown today so maybe we will have a buyer. Wouldnt it be nice to be in AZ during spring. Away from moldy Mendon. Start a new life in a new place. Its scary and exciting. My horoscope said for me to GET OUTTA DA WAY and let the future unfold. I am not fighting it.
Today is housecleaning, snowshoeing and the gym. A night to myself before my weekender arrives. With her dog. It will be hectic but I am doing it for the money I have to keep telling myself that. I will pay off debt with her money.......picture being out of debt.
That would be sweet.......
Have A Sunny Day......
Sunami
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