This morning I was able to DELETE and not read a venomous email from someone who thinks he knows everything. He sent me 3 emails filled w/vulgarity calling me a cunt and a skank last night when I got home from dinner with a friend and I read those and it dn affect me. Today I merely deleted him. Why create a problem on such a beautiful day? It's HIS pain-body lashing out at me while he is drinking. My niece said something prolific:
Whatever he says to you is a reflection of his own self-criticism and the places where he hates himself. It is not your responsibility to help him learn to love himself--you did the best you could and probably showed him more love and care than anyone he's ever met. This may be why he is so cruel to you--he can't accept love so he pisses on the ones who loved him.
I tried to love this man but he is impossible to live with and especially when he is drinking heavily. I used to drink with him and something he did always set me off. He had no concept of respect of property or boundaries. I am guilty of speaking to his ex girlfriend a number of times as we compared notes. She wrote me first. He had a daughter with her that detests him. He's never paid any child support and now that his disability is in he changed his phone number. How convenient. I just observe now and will say nothing. When he is going crazy with his 18 yr old son I wont be there to console him. I don't need their drama in my life. It is different being completely straight but I like it.
If I could talk to Cloud Poppa again I would tell him I'm sorry for not respecting him enough because I talked over our problems w/close friends and he hated that. I was trying so hard as he was but when things upset me I turned to my friends instead of him. Maybe he was a little intimidating as a teacher and professional musician. Me just a housekeeper. I tried too hard to do everything and crashed and burned. Cooking in a really hot kitchen as the heat is there and trying to make gourmet meals every day. It wore me out. I was trying to be perfect. Silly me and he loved me just the way I was. But I lost him because I discussed our problems w/a few close friends. He wouldnt talk about them so I went elsewhere. That was then this is NOW!
I got more pictures of my little pink house and there is privacy!! It's beautiful inside too.
How can I sell this house? It's not selling.
The Power Of Now :
A Native American chief was having a conversation with Carl Jung. The chief said that most white people have tense faces, staring eyes and a cruel demeanor. He said, " they are always seeking something. What are they seeking? The whites always want something. They are always uneasy and restless. We don't know what they want. We think they are mad."
Made me laugh. You can't live in the NOW if you are always focussing on the future as a reward or goal. There is nothing wrong with wanting to move to a different place though it says. But always doing things for the end result instead of enjoying the process. I think the ruination of the world came with too much technology. Too many choices...IPODS.....palm pilots.....cell phones...gameboys.....all the things that take Being away by channeling life energy into dead things that are not necessary. I don't have or want a cell phone. I dont want to be disturbed when I am doing something. Too many distractions cause the brain to be overloaded.
Today is spent visiting friends and taking a hike and going to the gym and then tonight Kris Kleeman at Middle Earth Music Hall. I'm going with a male friend as Carol is going to bluegrass. I've never driven out myself but I will. I promised I would be true to myself and do what turned me on for a change. I usually cave. Should be a fabulous show. See memh.com for Utube link.
The sun is shining and it looks like a beautiful day.
Its 11 ayem so I better get moving.........
Have A Day!
Sunami
