Teetering On The Brink Of Tension....

Will I Be A Survivor Of Guilt Or A Victim?

Having to put out my present roommate and take in a "paying" one has created a situation fraught with tension and sadness. My present roommate, Victor, is a nice man who works really hard when asked and has contributed furniture, speakers and food this week with his food stamps. He is a victim of "bad timing". The government...the system. The canadian bureacracy. But I can't handle any more drama. My GERD is active and burning and I am drinking tons of water and eating crackers, cheese and mashed potatoes and squash. I am giving up my morning coffee for a time until I feel better. I can opt for outpatient surgery where they tighten the esophageal sphincter if this fails. I had battled w/GERD for over 20 years. It's a beetch. My roommate is sequestered in his room as he is in love with me. I am so bitchy lately I can't figure out how anyone could be. I'm fat. Gerdy. I drool. I ate so many different foods w/my family as they eat out a lot that I irritated my esoph. It was all so good. Xmas dinner at the inlaws got me bad-the gravy. I forgot I even had gerd til then. I found a site that treats gerd w/a low carb diet and I will try it. But right now I need to soak up the acid w/taters. Rice. Crackers. Then I will move to the atkins. I'm tired of TV and the guilt trip here so I think I will go read The Power Of Now as it is not my problem that my roommate has no home. I have helped him a lot. I dn realize he was so in love with me til he hugged me last night. He didnt want to let go. I had to pry him off of me.

Not sexual by any means just a love hug. Victor is not about sex he is about friendship. I give him credit as most men are all about secs. Until I faced death I was about it too but after coming through death my personality and demeanor are different. I am more slow. I listen more. I am more laid back. I don't go so fast anymore. I am healing. I was burning from the inside out. I am putting out the fire with water and quiet. Healing Vit A foods(orange ones like yams, carrots and butternut squash). Here's to a lovely tomorrow and a good nights sleep-----

Salami-zen