The Twelve Steps

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable.

"We had approached A.A. expecting to be taught self-confidence. Then we had been told that so far as alcohol is concerned, self-confidence was no good whatever; in fact, it was a total liability. Our sponsors declared that we were the victims of a mental obsession so subtly powerful that no amount of human willpower could break it. There was, they said, no such thing as the personal conquest of this compulsion by the unaided will.… The tyrant alcohol wielded a double-edged sword over us: first we were smitten by an insane urge that condemned us to go on drinking, and then by an allergy of the body that insured we would ultimately destroy ourselves in the process. Few indeed were those who, so assailed, had ever won through in single-handed combat."

It's true. I keep thinking I can be like others and just have one drink. I can at home but if i am going out to hear music I can't do it. Something rears up inside me telling me that I am an adult and I deserve to be able to have a few drinks. But a few drinks to me turns into a blackout.
I am powerless thus I am not supposed to take the first drink. This I can do on most days. But every few weeks I think it's okay.
I am smart and also stupid.

Sunami