I am one. A year ago and for many years before that I had fibromyalgia. My muscles had rubber bands in them. I hurt all over. My body reacted to things that i didnt even know. I knew that mold was the worst. Dust mites next. I tried to compost the gardens and the day after my body blew up w/fluid. Same with mulch. Anything that smelled of mushrooms(mold) and fungus. the attic and dusty places did the same. Chemical smells bothered me badly. But suddenly hardly anything bothers me aside from woodsmoke. Most people like a fire but the smoke makes me feel like I can't breathe. The smell in a house of woodsmoke does the same. Cigarette smoke is a close second. But suddenly I can eat all food without being ill. My muscles don't hurt and the rubber bands are gone. It's a miracle. Of course when spring hits and the yard has to be cleaned up I don't know what will happen. I have to wear a mask when I do that. Gloves. Or pay someone this year.
This morning I deleted another email without reading it from a friend who's lectures and judgement and vulgarity I am tired of. This is in order to keep calm and keep drama out.
My niece Jodi wants to write him and set him straight and I don't know if she should waste her time. She has two children to take care of. Eric and I just clash mostly when drinking. Alcohol must bring out the beastmonster within us. There were times we got along wonderfully though.
He's a diagnosed borderline narcissist. I never got a diagnosis but I know I have PTSD/OCD and at times can be a bit "I hate you don't leave me". That's the catch phrase for BPD.
The Kris Kleeman band w/Brian Hobbs on bass/harp and Bobby G on drums was excellent last night. It was a long, scary ride home with my brights not working well for a stretch. I drank some Merlot and today my brain feels like a marshmallow. A hike should clear out the cobwebs.
Some yard cleanup. Coffee isn't working too well. I will probably have to have more later.
There is a freer feeling restricting my blog from prying eyes who pounce on everything I write and criticize me. I'm not anywhere near perfect and I do have some issues but I'm tired of being lovingly criticized. I see a woman therapist every week. I may have made mistakes in the past and I may make more of them but I am doing the best I can. I don't need to be stuck under a magnifying glass every morning and picked apart. If you don't like me, don't be a part of my life. Simple. I wish I had more close friends to do things with but I haven't met any new people in a long while. People hole up here in the winter. I have Carol as my best girlfriend and lately Victor as a male friend. He's outside right now fixing the driveway w/rock. He likes to do things for me. I made breakfast and coffee. We ate. I'm munching on mozzarella cheese to keep my blood sugar up. Too much red wine last night. I'm a glutton for punishment.
I must get something done or I'll feel useless. Time to get outside........
Tweedle Dum
