I tried that. But then THINGS started pissing me off. The fucking cabinet door that hit me in the head. The cap to the vitamins that flew out of my hand and went under the stove. The tea i spilled, the mail i dropped on the way in, the mud i tracked onto the carpet, the moldy cup i found in the kids' room...LIFE ITSELF began pissing me off, and i wanted LIFE to go away and leave me alone so i could be happy.
But then a serious of pretty extreme events happened in my life that landed me in a mandatory anger management program, and that was the best thing that ever happened to me. I learned that i can CHOOSE how i will respond to LIFE, which happens regardless of how you feel about it. I learned that it doesn't matter who hurts me, insults me, who disrespects or misunderstands me, who cuts me off on the freeway, none of them has the power to control my emotions--only i do. Thinking about it in terms of the THINGS in my life that used to piss me off, it actually began to make me laugh when i thought about each of these inanimate objects exerting control over my reactions. Can a clump of dirt on the floor make me yell? Can a cabinet door actually make me start hurling obscenities? Who owns this body, anyway?
Although i spent the first day of the class in anger, grumbling about how "somebody else" should have been in there instead of me, after about the third class i gave over to all it had to offer. I now believe that this class saved my life, and profoundly affected the future of my children's lives because i was to become a more tolerant, peaceful, conscious person...and one who is a much better example for them than the person who used to scream at their father over very petty things.
Perhaps one of the most profound things i have learned since then is that MOST things really are petty, in the big picture. How we get along with others, what our commute is like, how much we spend on utilities, etc., it's all pretty small stuff compared to the Big Picture of who we are and why we're here. Once i began to put more emphasis on the big picture, the small stuff of life and the people around me just became part of the scenery rather than the story itself.
Yes, i still say bad words when i spill my tea in the car. I have not transcended anger entirely. My kids regularly hear me swear like a sailor over burning toast--that may just be part of my personality and fortunately they haven't picked up on my bad habits yet. But in the Big Picture, life is good. I have learned to be aware of myself and pay attention to what lies underneath my emotions. What usually underlies anger is fear, and as soon as you recognize that, your job becomes easier--for all you have to do is tend to those fears. You don't have to go running after the person who made you angry, trying to punish them. You don't have to harass someone to make sure they know how much they hurt you...all of this is a waste of the precious love energy that you could be giving to yourself as you nurture those fears. I learned to do this, to take care of myself in a way that my mother never did, and it has made all the difference in the quality of my life.
Sober Genuine and Spunky Low Maintenance Gardener, Writer And Musician interested in hanging with laid back, funny sober friends, helping people regain their health through holistic medicine and broadening their perspective on interpersonal relationships, spirituality and positivity in order to create their own heaven on earth. Music and Nature seem to be my driving forces and lately just being still in the quietude. Not a member of the rat race and trying to seek balance and peak health amidst the chaos of society. Quieting my mind is my latest challenge....it's like the eveready bunny...it keeps going, and going and going!
4 comments:
I tried that. But then THINGS started pissing me off. The fucking cabinet door that hit me in the head. The cap to the vitamins that flew out of my hand and went under the stove. The tea i spilled, the mail i dropped on the way in, the mud i tracked onto the carpet, the moldy cup i found in the kids' room...LIFE ITSELF began pissing me off, and i wanted LIFE to go away and leave me alone so i could be happy.
But then a serious of pretty extreme events happened in my life that landed me in a mandatory anger management program, and that was the best thing that ever happened to me. I learned that i can CHOOSE how i will respond to LIFE, which happens regardless of how you feel about it. I learned that it doesn't matter who hurts me, insults me, who disrespects or misunderstands me, who cuts me off on the freeway, none of them has the power to control my emotions--only i do. Thinking about it in terms of the THINGS in my life that used to piss me off, it actually began to make me laugh when i thought about each of these inanimate objects exerting control over my reactions. Can a clump of dirt on the floor make me yell? Can a cabinet door actually make me start hurling obscenities? Who owns this body, anyway?
Although i spent the first day of the class in anger, grumbling about how "somebody else" should have been in there instead of me, after about the third class i gave over to all it had to offer. I now believe that this class saved my life, and profoundly affected the future of my children's lives because i was to become a more tolerant, peaceful, conscious person...and one who is a much better example for them than the person who used to scream at their father over very petty things.
Perhaps one of the most profound things i have learned since then is that MOST things really are petty, in the big picture. How we get along with others, what our commute is like, how much we spend on utilities, etc., it's all pretty small stuff compared to the Big Picture of who we are and why we're here. Once i began to put more emphasis on the big picture, the small stuff of life and the people around me just became part of the scenery rather than the story itself.
Yes, i still say bad words when i spill my tea in the car. I have not transcended anger entirely. My kids regularly hear me swear like a sailor over burning toast--that may just be part of my personality and fortunately they haven't picked up on my bad habits yet. But in the Big Picture, life is good. I have learned to be aware of myself and pay attention to what lies underneath my emotions. What usually underlies anger is fear, and as soon as you recognize that, your job becomes easier--for all you have to do is tend to those fears. You don't have to go running after the person who made you angry, trying to punish them. You don't have to harass someone to make sure they know how much they hurt you...all of this is a waste of the precious love energy that you could be giving to yourself as you nurture those fears. I learned to do this, to take care of myself in a way that my mother never did, and it has made all the difference in the quality of my life.
much love...
j
If you want to make peace, you don't talk to your friends. You talk to your enemies.
- Moshe Dayan
hmmm...do you think one of your enemies posted that?
I dint know I had any....lol
Ayup
Fatgirl
Post a Comment