What It's like To Be The Fat Girl Again.....

Don't worry guys I'm on Atkins...just had steamed broccoli w/homemade hollandaise and shrimp scampi. Anyway I was fat or chubby as a child and had a bad time of it, grew slim in HS due to "motivators"....stayed slim until I ran a restaurant in my 30's where I gained a ton of weight up to 250lbs. A friend made me get out of bed and do the track and after that I quit drinking and eating bad and it took 6 yrs to lose it up to 160lbs. I stayed slim vacillating from 150-155 for years due to hard work. Recently during a hospital stay at the wt of 129 I was pretty anorexic and they fed me all sorts of meds one which caused the appetite to increase and I started eating. Well in 3 mos I gained tons weighing in now at 186. My normal weight being 155.

So I am experiencing how it feels "inside me" to be chunky and also to experience how people treat me.

1. Gay guys talk to me a lot.

2. Guys think I'm EZ if they buy me drinks and food because who else would want me?

3. My bra is strangling me slowly.

4. Girls are eager to chat about diets and weightloss.

5. I wear the same color every day:black.

6. I have blisters from snowshoeing.

7. I spend my nights at the gym.

8. I think I can skip dinner until I get home and I'm wrong.

9. My butt feels like a separate entity dragging behind me.

10. My thighs rub together and if you listen closely you can hear crickets.

11. I am OCD and now obsessed with exercising and losing weight.(Could be worse)

12. Men look at my boobs more than before since they grew.

13. I have no more skin sag as its filled w/fat cells again.

14. Pizza and cheesecake are what I drream about, not men.

15. I don't go out much because again...only gay guys talk to me.

16. People notice that my face got slimmer and less bloated.....forget my tummy.

17. It's not a good feeling to be stuffed into your jeans.

18. Food (carbs and sugar) are now the enemy-not men.

Okay thats enough me-bashing. I had a great workout and feel slimmer. I've lost inches not pounds. I can breathe in my bra. My hair is growing lushly and my skin is glowing.

Its not so bad NOT being noticed.....you can slink around sorta.

Sunamizen