Daily Meditations For Women Who Love Too Much

Untangling yourself from a lifetime of difficult and addictive relationships.........
I find the phrase "Trying to love someone" key here.....love should not be difficult and painful....frustrating and draining....disagreeable and stiff....love should flow back and forth with trust, respect, compassion and teamwork....here are some meditations from a book I'm reading to keep me from making poor choices when I decide to try to love again.....

When being in love means being in pain, we are loving too much.

Loving turns into Loving too much when your partner is inappropriate, uncaring or unavailable, and yet you cannot give him up--in fact, you want him, you need him even more.

There is such a things as making a few poor choices in life but there is also such a thing as the very real disease of relationship addiction.

Whenever we attempt to force a solution to another's problem, we are loving too much.

Being women who love too much, we operate as though love, attention, and approval don't count unless we are able to extract them from men who, bewcause of their own problems and preoccupations, are unable to readily give them to us.

Like compulsive eaters, we who love too much must learn to do in a sane and balanced way what we once did obsessively.

We begin by becoming willing to channel the energy and effort that we formerly spent on trying to change someone else toward changing ourselves instead.

You need to recover from LTM for your own sake and self-respect: but when you stop suffering, your recovery may be so appealing that others watching may begin to pursue their own. Recovery can be just as contagious as addiction and co-addiction are.

We must change the way we act, then how we think, and finally how we feel. If we wait until we feel differently before we behave differently, we will never change, never recover.

The secrets we keep keep us from recovering.

It is an act of irresponsible self-indulgence to cite our childhood histories as excuses for any of our present behaviors, attitudes, or qualities that are less than healthy. The difficult circumstances and unhappy effects of those childhood years provide clues to the very conditions we are meant, in this lifetime, to experience, overcome, understand, and forgive.

Pain is our wisest teacher knocking at our door!

You cannot apply self-help to a problem from which the self that's trying to provide the help still suffers.

Noone can save us from the work our soul would have us do. Trouble comes when we try to avoid or postpone that work.

No other area is as "slippery" as relationships are for clean and sober women. Most sober alcoholic women who slip do so over men. AMEN!(my two cents).

We can love too much with children too. When a parent overdoes caretaking of a child, that child is burdened by responsibility for the parent's welfare.

Sometimes we grieve when people leave (oh yeah) or conditions change or things are removed that we would never willingly surrender, because we cannot yet see the greater good that is coming to us.

One of the most difficult tasks you face in your recover is learning to say and do nothing. When his life is unmanageable, when everything in you wants to take over (OMG), to advise and encourage him, to manipulate the situation in whatever way you can, you must learn to HOLD STILL, to respect this other person enough to allow the struggle to be his, not yours. Your proper work lies in facing your own fears regarding what might happen to him and to your reltionship if you LET GO of managing everything (my last marriage)--and then going to work on eliminating your fears rather than manipulating him.

Our primary aim should be protecting our own serenity and well-being, rather than finding the right man. Then and only then are we able to begin to choose a companion who can care about us in a wholesome way, because the more we heal our own damage and the less we need from a partner, the more able we are to choose someone who isn't so damaged or needy himself.

One of he primary features of loving too much is tremendous dependency, often masked by apparent strength. I often likened my last marriage to "dragging a bowling ball uphill" and I did for six years until I near dropped dead!

When someone you love is in trouble, ask yourself "Whose problem is it?". Youir problem is not that someone you love is in trouble, but your feelings when you are watching that person's struggle. Unless you can let go of having to FIX IT, you may need to stop watching.(I have detached from some friends)

When you begin to LET GO of controlling others in your life, you may actually feel as if you are falling off a cliff.....the sensation of being out of control of yourself when you relate to others can be alarming. here your spiritual practice can help, because instead of letting go into a void, you can relinquish control of both yourself and those you love to a higher power.

Because relationship addicts need to be needed, we can actually sabotage growth in others by taking too much responsibility for bringing it about. (I've backed way off). Another's journey is in God's hands just as yours is.

Most of the insanity and despair you experience comes directly from trying to manage and control what you cannot--him and his life. Think about all the attempts--endless speaches, pleading, threats, bribes, maybe even violence and arguments. Remember, too, how you felt after each failed attempt. Your self-esteem had slipped another notch, and you became more anxious, more helpless, more angry. So let go--he will almost never change in the face of pressure from you. Even if you finally get to hear that you are the reason he is giving up a certain behavior, later on you will find that you will also be the reason he gives for resuming it.

Learn to do the opposite of what you've always done!

Learn to live without having your focus be on a man either as your problem or as the solution to your problem.

The best preparation for your future ius achieving greater understanding and acceptance of yourself and of all those who have already been in your life.

I'll stop now but I learn better if I type it out. This book is helping me STOP destructive behaviors like rehashing...obsessing....wanting to EXPLAIN myself continually to a man that doesn't even listen...a wall....wanting to help everyone to my demise....saying yes when I mean no...wanting to be "rescued" by a man....
I would NEVER allow a man to enter my life for any other reason than LOVE however...some women will let a man take care of them that they actually dislike just to have their life be easier but I could not STAND MYSELF...ugh! I don't look to a man for my solutions...just backrubs!

I hope you have learned from this...I did.
Have A Great Healthy Day Free Of Toxic Poisons!
Orgasmic-Zen