Riding The Wave Of A Vicious Drink Craving

Having a rough day. Tried to get off Klonopin onto valium but my body is badly allergic to the sub med. Very frustrated and feeling very isolated and alone. The reason I started the meds in 2001 was to cope with the pain and anxiety of the attacks. At that time I was NOT allergic to the med itself. Now i find i am stuck. Had to reinstate the Klonopin a few minutes ago as i went off it too fast yet again. The muscle spasms are too painful from the attack from the valium. It seems like a nightmare that only became doable after a few drinks. The craving is so intense it's like a wave. It is making me nauseous and depressed. A glass of white wine with the neighbors would ease it but then I might be sick in the morning from the wine so here I sit blogging icing my back.
Back on a med I am allergic to yet it calms me down and doesn't produce a severe attack like the valium just muscle pain...
What To Do Universe.....?????????
I Am Lost In The Surf as I used to be as a small child trying to swim at the beach on Long Island.
I kept going under and I still am.
Is this all there is? Have I Had Enough Yet? Yes.
They say the only way out is through...
I failed yet again...I'm in discomfort and nothing will take it away but human touch and I am without that....i wonder if there is anyone out there feeling the same way?
I could sure use a buddy.
Sunami