Tonight's The Night

Well...tonight is my first night Klonopin free. I have substituted liquid Valium and after a few days I will start dropping that too. I have been holing up while I do this to keep calm and test various things for allergic potential. I could not do this with interaction with mold in the yard and dust in the house and stress....I am staying away from those triggers so I can HEAR my body shout at me if I've done something wrong. Kind of an isolating life for a people person. I just do NOT want people to watch me suffer. That's NOT who I am...my disability. Of course it twud be nice to get a massage of my sore shoulders as the electric massager again ripped a hole in my skin yesterday. I've got to remember to shut the heat setting off. Just another scar folks. If there is anyone without a scar..then you have not suffered enough..lol. I have many! Suffering barstard I am.

There's hardly any food here and food stamps are in so i suppose it is fridge cleaning and grocery shopping day. Very tiring shopping for me. The kitchen ceiling needs to be painting but it looks so high and I know I am gonna drip all over the place. All my stuff is getting soaked outside even under the tarp. I gotta plop the squash plants in the dirt too. Bloody moldy fungee dirt.

The sun is peeking out here and there. Every day I wonder when I will finally be symptom free.
It's getting better all the time. Course I don't eat much anymore. Too afraid. I always wanted to be thin. Well here it is....dya know because i am allergic to baking powder I can no longer have anything baked...like a cookie or a cake....without suffering....unbelievable....unless I can bake something but I'm not much of a baker. Can't have ice cream either due to dairy allergy.
What's left to chew on? My arm? My foot? My cud?

Ah...I'm still breathing and I'm not dead yet just confused.....about what?
I don't know.....maybe about love. So many kinds of love that seem to cross over.
Best Friend love. Friend with affection love. Romantic love. Addictive Love. Codependent Needy love. Passionate Sexual Love.
They all seem so close together so how do you know when it's true love?
I guess when you spend some quality time with that special person.....
Alone...with nobody else around....but the trees...and the rox...and the starz...and silence.
Have a Great Day Everybuddy....
Queen Klonopin No More